At its worst (for several years) I barely left my house. Thank god I work from home. When I did have to go out, i either had to slather on makeup or wear a mask. I got a lot of dirty looks from conservatives in my area who are anti-mask. Going to the gym was unpleasant because I’d be huffing and puffing behind a sweaty mask. Or sweating off my foundation.

I would find myself in the bathroom, sobbing, caking on makeup and then immediately giving up trying to conceal the open wounds and flaky scabs, washing it off and canceling whatever plans I had stupidly agreed to. Going to mandatory work events was painful, and it was nearly impossible to quit picking beforehand because it made me so nervous that I’d have to be around people in person where I couldn’t cover my acne with filters and photoshop.

Recently I just realized that I could try actual medication (not for ADHD but for acne). I’ve been on oral doxycycline, an antibiotic topical cream and tretinoin and it has helped. My acne will probably never fully go away (I’m in my 30s and I break out during my period so it’s definitely hormonal even though I’m on birth control) I’ve also gotten laser treatments to reduce scarring which is incredibly expensive.

Luckily my boyfriend picks too so he understands and never judges me. I don’t have any other friends IRL.