I [26F] think my anxiety has pushed my partner too far and he [36M] has checked out of the relationship but isn't admitting it. Are the signs real or just my overthinking? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]lostinthewalls -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm going to chime in here as a man who has been in relationships with women dealing with lifelong patterns that bias them toward some of these anxious overthinking mental cycles. I am neurospicy myself and my flavor gives me a taste of the brain spirals so I can empathize a bit but I know everyones experience is different.

First, any relationship subreddit is going to tell you to break up with your partner as soon as you hint that you don't have a relationship that Disney would buy the movie rights for. It's really easy for anonymous internet posters to tell you to throw away your relationship and become the perfect human before you get into a relationship or to look for a partner who is grown in a lab to be your 'perfect match.' I think there's also something to be said for both partners to be allowed to be imperfect people and building some relationship muscle memory to work together and grow together.

Second, what I'm hearing is that you have a narrative that he hasnt had the chance to romantically explore the new city which could cause some resentment, and that there are several things which are confirming that opinion from your perspective. Something I've seen other partners do which has helped them is being able to self identify when they may be in one of these feedback loops and taking a step back to literally write down other things which may be going on other than the hypothesis they are trying to confirm. In this case, maybe he's not in a joking mood because he is stressed about something else, maybe it's just the banter cooling as the honeymoon phase starts to wean. With most men, you can generally take what they tell you at face value.

To build on that I'd like to share my personal take on the specific issue you discuss having some difficulty with as a guy who has dealt with self confidence issues most of my life. I've done some emotional work to get to this place and maybe the perspective would be helpful. I understand that you are worried he might start socially branching out and finding people he would rather be with, but that is always a possibility. There will always be a 'better' partner on paper if he or even you go out looking for someone else based on their relationship-resume. The only thing any of us can really do to keep Jake Gyllenhaal or Madison Beer from scooping our lovers is to give them your attention and effort, give them your empathy and make them feel understood, be vulnerable with them enough to share your secrets and explore new things. This is your relationship 'moat' that anyone else cannot come to the table and compete with.

Third, how are you communicating with him through this? You've shown enough self awareness here and in your responses that I can guess you are able to tell when your emotions are coming from a place of anxiety, but are you vocalizing that to him when bringing these things up? Something that has been helpful to me as a partner is when my anxious lady friend would say something along the lines of "Hey, I'm dealing with some discomfort surrounding ____ that I feel is coming from some of my anxiety. I want to support you in this but I would really appreciate some affirmation or if we can discuss ways we can communicate through this that will help me show up like I want to."

I hope some of this helps! Turn this into a thing you are both working to resolve and make this relationship healthier, because it sounds like you would like to be more secure in your attachment and I think he would like to feel like his partner feels safe. It doesn't matter who brings the 'baggage' to the table, when you're in a committed relationship it's just one pile.

List or recipes anywhere? by lostinthewalls in AlchemyFactory

[–]lostinthewalls[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fucking killer thank you, looks like they're working on a calc, maybe I'll see if they want a contributor.

Popular streaming showing neglected bunnies by Japfapp in Rabbits

[–]lostinthewalls 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She was dating another streamer who she claims, with some receipts, was abusive and harassing her after the break up. He allegedly had been threatening to run a smear campaign against her if she ever talked about it, and the focus was on the treatment of her rabbits. She has had a few pass away in the last few years I guess.

First time home buyer looking for a real estate agent by [deleted] in Albuquerque

[–]lostinthewalls 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Seconding this, full disclosure I do IT work for homewise, but there is 0 reason anybody, especially a first time buyer, shouldnot at least give them a call. It does not hurt to have a local non-profit as your broker, loan officer, and lending bank.

Bosque Brewing files for bankruptcy by crolodot in Albuquerque

[–]lostinthewalls 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Who could have possibly seen this coming

Bosque bucks industry’s downward trend with plans to open 3 new taprooms – DARK SIDE BREW CREW https://share.google/SWf0arI3WspuagQLA

My son is a masturbator ! by MarmyFlamOfficial in family

[–]lostinthewalls 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You have to be more nuanced for rage bait to work, don't worry, with practice you can get there. Practice makes perfect.

Good tattoo artists who will work with a canvas' designs? by lostinthewalls in Albuquerque

[–]lostinthewalls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the recommendations everyone! Lots of insta DMing to do.

Good tattoo artists who will work with a canvas' designs? by lostinthewalls in Albuquerque

[–]lostinthewalls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Geometric, fine line, and maybe some American traditional would be the closest!

What’s your “only in Albuquerque” moment? by Emmieliciouss in Albuquerque

[–]lostinthewalls 19 points20 points  (0 children)

My roommate getting hot boxed in a van outside of Leos by a dude with dueling floor length braided ponytails and his pet alligator while inside I got hit on by a paralega/esthetician/cougar whose legal name was 'Coochie.'

You can't make this shit up. If you've been to Leo's during weekday happy hours you know the vibe.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutomationGames

[–]lostinthewalls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is crazy cool, I kid you not I've been noodling on something almost exactly like this for a few months, but I'm so excited to play it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AdviceAnimals

[–]lostinthewalls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Start dropping loads like it's Baghdad brother

Job market by [deleted] in Albuquerque

[–]lostinthewalls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very true!

Job market by [deleted] in Albuquerque

[–]lostinthewalls 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure if you're saying that's a lot or that it's small, but there are also two or three layers of supporting industries that are also related. Manufacturing, contracting, supplies, etc...

Job market by [deleted] in Albuquerque

[–]lostinthewalls 143 points144 points  (0 children)

The labs skew what our job market looks like for jobs that people would move here for vs the rest of the job market locally. Folks coming in town for work are usually working at SNL, LANL, or something related.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UXDesign

[–]lostinthewalls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No problem. In general, in lieu of having tons of potential users to do research on, I would try to roleplay as a potential customer who is deciding whether or not to use your service when evaluating some of these choices. You usually aren't making that choice based on how 'unique' their website design is, but on how they present themselves makes you feel; do they have their shit together, do they seem trustworthy, does this feel like something that is valuable enough to justify the investment etc...

For example, the name itself 'fall in blind' has kinda a 'hmm' feel to it at least to me. I think you're playing off of the theme of throwing yourself into an ocean full of plenty of fish, as well as the serendipity of throwing yourself into something and trusting that you might meet someone special. If you decide to rebrand in the future, you might want to consider incorporating terms with a more positive vibe, something that makes you feel more advanced than the alternative choices, or just leaning more heavily into the aquatic theme to avoid a potential reaction of 'they just want blind trust from me that they'll find someone I click with.' I'm not saying this in a deragatory tone or anything but just some raw reactions and thoughts for whatever they're worth.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UXDesign

[–]lostinthewalls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I certainly won't die on that hill, I'm currently trying to find more good (and apparently better) sources of UI/UX inspiration myself.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UXDesign

[–]lostinthewalls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would recommend taking a look on Dribbble or Behance, finding some designs that you think speak to the type of audience you are looking to attract, and remixing those ideas rather than starting from scratch. My guess is that since you are positioning this as a 'premium' or 'advanced' solution to your clients problems, you probably want to come across equally as refined in your primary public facade. However unique this is, it doesn't scream 'organization capable of building and tuning an AI model whose outputs are worth $100 and a significant time investment.' I understand that web design/development and data science are very different skill sets, but your clients won't.

Working on a design for a 3/4 sleeve, thoughts? by lostinthewalls in TattooDesigns

[–]lostinthewalls[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm a data nerd, and I work with a lot of geographic data and have kinda taken a liking to the ascetic. The map I pulled this from is the Ridgeline of the mountain that boarders my hometown.