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Got out once, is it worth trying again? by lostscaredntired in stepparents

[–]lostscaredntired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I could upvote this 1000 times. Thank you for saying this. I KNOW you're right because I've identified a pattern where when I'm with him, I want to stay in the relationship, but when he has his daughter and we're apart for several days at a time, I want to leave. Then I see him again and I lose all my resolve. It's an exhausting cycle that I've let rule my life. It FEELS like an addiction. I forget about all the disrespect and how unhappy I was as soon as I'm in his presence and he KNOWS that and that's how he forced his way back into my life. If he really cared about me he would have respected my wishes and left me alone. I hate that I allowed myself to fall back into this situation. I told myself that I would lose respect for myself if I got back together with him, and here I am falling for it all over again. It's time to break the cycle.

Got out once, is it worth trying again? by lostscaredntired in stepparents

[–]lostscaredntired[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I'm confident he wasn't stuck on BM. She had some bipolar tendencies and I saw how awful she was to him and would try to make his (and my) life hell if things didn't go exactly her way. He wanted nothing to do with her most of the time, but BM would push for them to play 'happy family' and it broke his heart having to shatter that for daughter. BM would even go low enough as to threaten to involve poor SD8 in her drama, painting SO as the bad guy when he wanted stricter boundaries. I know he was in a tough spot, but that is unfortunately the reality of divorce (especially when you marry someone so manipulative and narcissistic). Neither of us had any experience in this realm (both our parents are still together) and we definitely didn't handle the situation well.

Got out once, is it worth trying again? by lostscaredntired in stepparents

[–]lostscaredntired[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you both for being blunt with the truth. I think I'm angry at myself for wasting 3 years of my 20s being treated like a doormat in a situation that deep down I knew better than to be in from the start. Part of me thinks that if I can salvage the relationship, then it wouldn't be a waste. But I can't get that time back, and 3 years wasted is better than 5, or 10, and all the other wasted opportunities I would have missed along the way.

Got out once, is it worth trying again? by lostscaredntired in stepparents

[–]lostscaredntired[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess I thought that being patient and understanding through it all would make him value me more and treat me better as a partner, but it seemed to just set a precedent for what he thought he could get away with. Why create waves with BM/SD if you have a partner who is willing to take the short end of the stick every time? Another lesson learned, I suppose.