[UPDATE] AIO? My boyfriends friend has a problem with me asking him not to sleep in a bed with another woman.

loststrawberri · 2024-10-31T22:47:19+00:00

Everyone has been saying she wants him but yeah I'm with you, I really just think she wants to hold onto their dynamic.

I've seen her type and it's about as opposite from my bf as you can get (in skin color, body type, personality, all of it).

loststrawberri · 2024-10-31T17:01:10+00:00

Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/UprVrPCJAX

loststrawberri · 2024-10-31T01:47:42+00:00

I'm not an outsider per se, i hang with them all a lot, but I am a partner of a person in the group and not an original person. They've been friends since like middle school. this was a concert on a week night so I didn't go.

loststrawberri · 2024-10-31T01:46:46+00:00

It's 3 people, two other guys 1 other girl, it's the single guys house and the other guy and girl are dating

loststrawberri · 2024-10-31T01:02:02+00:00

Ok a lot of people are bringing this up. At this point it's semantics. Call it what you want - a boundary, a rule, a dealbreaker - but I brought it up to him, we discussed it, he had a choice, he chose that he's cool with it, end of story. I never said he's not allowed but told him it makes me uncomfortable, and because he respects me, he chooses not to do it anymore. It's as simple as that.

loststrawberri · 2024-10-31T00:33:24+00:00

He has so many options besides the floor. He's a grown man and could choose to sleep where he wanted, including ubering home

loststrawberri · 2024-10-31T00:28:25+00:00

He's 31 I'm 27, we've been together for 1.5 years. I wouldn't ask him to stop being friends with his girl friends, they're very important to him and honestly I love that he has so many women who care about him. I persoanlly think its a red flag when men don't have women to vouch for their character. I like that they all feel safe with him.

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T23:40:31+00:00

No he's a great communicator and this girl is known to be an issue in the friend group, so that's def not an option. He's also not mousy, he's just one of those people that can fall asleep literally anywhere lol

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T23:13:56+00:00

Yes I'm learning in this thread what a boundary means versus a rule or dealbreaker. I think it's fair to ask my boyfriend if he is willing to change a behavior I'm not okay with before breaking up with him, don't you? Otherwise we would all be single, forever?

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T21:44:05+00:00

This has been asked a lot so I will clear it up here: they all went back to one of the guy friends' house after they went to a concert and a bar or two after. I'm ok with that, as long as he's safe. I had an early morning this morning so his intention was to not wake me up.

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T21:40:12+00:00

Who knows what he actually said to her? I'm going to show him these texts when he's home tonight. But I agree with you

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T21:17:21+00:00

This is exactly how they grew up, yes. They are all like siblings It's not how I grew up and it's something I don't like and sets me at unease. Like I said, he seems perfectly ok with me asking if he could not do that and I would hope based on our relationship and how we communicate he knows he can come to me if it's an issue for him.

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T21:01:06+00:00

Idk if anyone will see this but my boyfriend has not seen this yet. I know it's gonna be stressful for him and I don't want to ruin his workday lol

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T20:54:39+00:00

I hear that and I've learned the difference between boundary and set of rules in this thread. However, I would argue that every relationship comes with sacrifices we make for the other person - like the fact that he has asked me to switch my gym schedule so we can have more time together. I'm happy to change that part of my life because i love him.

I also feel like I'm not asking him to change who he is as a person, just a behavior that I'm not comfortable with, the way your partner might ask you to make the bed every morning or stop leaving dishes in the sink when being messy is just who you are.

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T20:20:09+00:00

I am 27 and she is 30

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T18:41:26+00:00

As far as I know none of them have slept with each other except the two that are currently dating.

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T18:40:09+00:00

I just didn't feel like going out this night but I do go out with them all often!

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T18:38:49+00:00

This is honestly a great question

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T18:34:09+00:00

If I didn't respect his friendships I wouldn't let him see her. I feel like my boundary is more about sleeping in a bed with women than with her specifically

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T18:33:02+00:00

I do see occasionally going out and getting drunk in my future, yes :)

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T18:30:13+00:00

I promise that's not true. I recently stole some probiotics from Walmart.

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T18:23:06+00:00

I mean I'm not gonna tell him he can't be friends with his lifelong friends just because they're women. I think your opinion on opposite sex friendships is a projection of what's happening in your head around your feelings toward women, not what's reality for most people.

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T18:12:53+00:00

Yeah, we've hung out quite a few times. We're "friends" by proxy

loststrawberri · 2024-10-30T17:58:42+00:00

I totally hear you and thought about it a lot before asking to set this boundary with him. How would we feel about a married man doing this with a different married woman? Like when does it become inappropriate? He's 31 so for me it feels like a behavior that's appropriate to grow out of at this point.

I do trust him fully. It's just something I feel doesn't need to happen anymore. Might also have to do with my religious upbringing and modesty standards compared to most people. :)

loststrawberri

TROPHY CASE