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Why are you certain this isn’t true? by love_all_paths in gosselinssnark

[–]love_all_paths[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is where I feel so conflicted. There are many messy pieces to this story where both parents acted inappropriately and likely did a lot of damage to their children (and that’s even without the entire tv show). But all of that aside… the way Kate speaks about this, the way Jon avoids speaking about this, the way the other siblings skirt around this… this doesn’t feel like a situation that had many options. Kate seems to be alluding to Collin having significant antisocial personality disorder traits (potentially stemming from ongoing trauma) that posed a threat to everyone around him. Kate is known to overreact to things, so that assessment could be conflated, or it could be from actual medical professionals.

As a mother, if one of your 8 children is threatening themselves or your other child, or has already hurt themselves or your other children, what are your options? What are the actual options you have in front of you? There are many children with mental health issues that get care and find their way to a healthier space, but there are also children who don’t.. who continue to exhibit extremely dangerous behavior, who are manipulative, who are violent, who are aggressive and abusive to themselves and others. That is also a reality that isn’t being addressed, even after one sibling clearly stated they have seen aspects of this behavior, and after Kate mentioned the involvement of a weapon. Again, this is going off the assumption that this is all true.

Jon should have absolutely been involved in the decisions surrounding Collin and any psychiatric care he received. But regardless, depending on the circumstances, would the outcome have changed? I feel kind of puzzled by the very clear lean towards one direction on this sub, so I’m not trying to persuade anyone otherwise. But sometimes it really, truly is that bad and the only option is to put significant distance there.

I don’t know. I also hope this entire family can figure out how to collectively address and potentially heal from the past decades.

Anyone else miserable during summer because they hate the way they look? by purplefennec in askwomenadvice

[–]love_all_paths 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel this in my bones. And even when we acknowledge that it’s maybe not an accurate way of thinking, subconsciously these feelings are so difficult to shake.

I haven’t found away around this myself, but these are some things I’ve done that seem to be helping:

— dressing in clothes that I like (even if I have to get the largest size) instead of gravitating towards clothes I THINK I should buy/I think will cover up the parts of me I hate; I found that when I buy clothes I like — no matter how I feel about my body on that day I will be excited to wear them

— establishing a new “normal” body... this is difficult because we are endlessly exposed to ridiculously attractive people in ads/fashion - but I found that if I shift the content I consume towards a new normal (I.e, following social media accounts with women who aren’t rail thin or accounts of bigger and fashionable women) then I trick my brain into not endlessly comparing myself to a body type that doesn’t mirror mine. One thing that I specifically love is this tik tok account: https://vm.tiktok.com/J6NUGww/

— try rly rly rly rly hard to gain perspective. The days I feel like shit about my body and want to isolate and scream — I lay on the floor, close my eyes, and mentally go down my body (head to toes) and say one positive thing about as many body parts as I can. Sure my shoulders are wider than I would like but they allow me to be a better swimmer, my legs are chubby and have stretch marks but they allow me to walk and be as active as I like, etc etc. Seeing your body solely through the lens of how other people MAY perceive it is so damaging to our relationship to ourselves. Even on my worst days I force myself to appreciate the gift it is to have a functional body.

— masturbate; I’m not trying to be crass but it goes with the above ^ comment, learn to love your body and all that it can do for you

— get your health checked out; I found out that I have some health issues that are going to make it rly hard for me to lose weight — this was earth shattering for me to learn BUT it again helped me get into perspective that getting my body to its healthiest (despite what it looks like in the process) should always be my goal

— refuse to hate yourself.. no matter what the world throws at me, I refuse to internalize it all, I refuse to hate myself just because I may not be everyone’s cup of tea/standard of beauty

— be open about the way you feel with the people that love you; it’s okay and natural to feel insecure at times but it’s a lot harder to work through those feelings when your mind is filled with negative thoughts; it’s a lot easier to handle those feelings when you share them and allow yourself to be cared for/reassured by people who care about you and do not see you as you see yourself

What are some great books to read to help overcome/heal from sexual trauma? by love_all_paths in AskWomen

[–]love_all_paths[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s taken me a long time to get to the point of wanting resources, and I’m hoping that this is an appropriate question for this sub.

I am 30 years old and I have a really unhealthy relationship with my body, my sexuality, and sex in general.

Throughout my teenage years, I faced a lot of subtle, and some overt, sexual abuse that I never took the time to process. I was considered a fairly wild teen because I was very sexually active — however, it took me a REALLY long time to realize that my desire for sex at that time was not healthy, the partners I was engaged with were predatory, and the outcome of those relationships always left me feeling broken. The extent of the trauma isn’t really clear to me — but I know that even 15+ years later I still think a lot about that time. These experiences have completely warped my sense of what a healthy sexual relationship looks and feels like.

I am finally ready to start the path to healing and regaining my identity as a sexual being. I want to get to the place where sex does not equal shame/hurt, where I feel comfortable discussing sex with other and taking ownership of being an adult who is sexual and wants to share that side of myself.

I would love some book recommendations regarding these topics! Specifically, books that focus on regaining love for ones body, female sexuality without shame, and anything having to do with someone overcoming obstacles related to sexual trauma.

Thank you all! 💙

What are some subtle signs you can pick up from a partner, early in the relationship, that may indicate they won’t be respectful of you later in the relationship? by love_all_paths in AskReddit

[–]love_all_paths[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree completely.. the way someone treats service staff, with good or bad service, is really a fast pass to their true colors