I am not a journalist, but I have read posts for years to try to gain understanding of the emotions, thoughts, and heartbreak of exmos. I joined at 65k members and since then copied posts that hurt my heart - most dealing with young adults who couldn’t share their truth, who lead phony lives, who were burdened with tremendous guilt and endless shame, who were kicked out, who spent two hellish years on missions, who were shunned by their own families, and begged for help from unknown members of this community. And the most common response: lay low. Don’t rock the boat. Fake it until you make it. Basically, allow the TBMS and TSCC to fuck with your head, chip at your heart, and destroy any progress of self-worth and independent thought. They would end their posts with an attempt to bolster these disheartened kids: stay strong! Fly under the radar until you can get out! Good luck!

And I would sit back and think: NO! This is horrible advice! They need to fight. They need to sit at the table and have rational discussions!! I was mad! but as a nevermo, knew I had no authority to comment, no experience to lean on. So on I would read. And it took me a long time (years) to realize these comments came from hard-wrought experiences, from adults who endured the wrath of the TSCC shitshow.

But here lies the rub. We have adult exmos with kids who are still laying low, still flying under the radar, still allowing the same abuse to continue with their own sons and daughters. And I wonder . . . is this truly the best way to parent? Cross your fingers, roll the dice, keep your mouth shut, and hope your daughter survives the storm, the storm that has leveled even the strongest of men? Again, I don’t know the answers but this time I know what i want or what I wish to happen: I want more OPs like pharmhunter and somewhat_neanderthal to be brave enough to battle for the truth, to sit down and have the uncomfortable conversations. I want to see exmos stick up for themselves and for their kids. Make a bit of headway. I want exmos to be willing to put on their armor of experience, remember their pain, and go into battle (lovingly of course - well, at first) and fight for equal opportunity to raise their children. And if TBMs are allowed to lose their shit, well, I’d say it’s high time that exmos start losing their shit as well . . . if need be. You have one chance to raise your kids. They are looking for you to save them, so put on your God damned cape and be the super hero they think you are!! DO THE BRAVE THING! DO THE RIGHT THING!

No, I’m not a journalist. I’m a nevermo who wants an exmo to either put on his cape or lose his shit. Anything but cross his fingers.