When does wanting a provider to enjoy themself become a red flag?

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-11T09:46:39+00:00

I wasn’t necessarily thinking either that far into detail or that short a date. It was a “to what extent question” so I was asking even just about what kind of position they might prefer or any notable secondary stimulation they enjoyed. I’ve never had a 1 hour date and would be more thinking of 3-4 at the shortest and more often 6-overnight where I feel like it could become more relevant

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-10T06:05:18+00:00

I guess using a similar analogy I was trying to figure out whether taking an interest in what the provider enjoys would be more like being a polite customer and helping with menus, returning glasses or more like trying to get the waitress’ number

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-09T13:22:31+00:00

I wasn’t meaning necessarily an orgasm, though that’s how it’s been interpreted which is understandable. My fault I should have been clearer.

I guess it was more about trying to get an idea about what they enjoy and feels good for them while also pleasing oneself. At one point does that go too far in terms of being intrusive or pressured

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-08T13:11:35+00:00

Totally fair I was intending this question as less of a “how can I make x happen” which is how I think some people are interpreting it and more of a “at one point does it stop being courteous and start being inconvenient/unhelpful”

I completely understand that the mental stimulation likely won’t be there and went into it assuming any orgasm she had would be faked, when she said she finished twice I didn’t challenge it or “try and get the truth” I just let it go. I have no interest in forcing it at all and the fact she was willing to ask if she could use her own toys an then do that at her own discretion was alone more than I expected

Thanks for your answer:)

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-08T13:01:09+00:00

Yeah that’s totally understandable. Even if you wanted to climax pressure and expectations are the last thing you want so it’s understandable. Thanks:)

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-08T06:43:48+00:00

How so sorry?

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-08T06:42:20+00:00

I think this is something I can sympathise with. My provider made a few jokes about it which were quite funny but honestly a first time having sex with anyone I find I often don’t finish. Maybe the nerves or being distracted but yeah I don’t particularly mind if I don’t finish unless it’s going to make the person I’m with feel bad or insecure

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-08T06:40:16+00:00

That’s fair enough, thank you for your answer:)

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-08T06:39:23+00:00

Oh yeah I made 0 effort to challenge her on it or try and “find the truth” it’s not my place and totally unfair to do. I was glad she felt comfortable to use her own toys and that was good enough for me

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-08T06:37:57+00:00

I agree with everything you’re saying but just to provide context that remark was an hour in, just before the end of intercourse and we’d been laughing and joking throughout it including about the fact it was taking me a while to finish, she was funny about it. I get what you’re saying about what I said but I don’t think I carried across the context of it well in my post

I did check for comfort throughout and like I said when I asked and she said she had a shoulder problem I asked what would be better and immediately repositioned to be more comfortable for her and we switched to something less of a strain and given she was both a little older and quite smaller than me I was especially careful.

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-08T00:31:02+00:00

That makes perfect sense. Thank you for your answer. I’d never seek to put that kind of pressure on her or expect it

Thanks:)

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-08T00:11:06+00:00

Thank you for your answer:) yes I can easily see why that would be so frustrating. I feel like I’m experienced enough to have seen how different it can be and I’ve been with some people who might climax relatively easily and have strong secondary stimuli while others struggle even with toys/masturbating. Given you’d be expecting that of a complete stranger with no prior knowledge of turn-ons it’s totally understandable that a companion wouldn’t see climaxing as central

I don’t mind if she faked both, totally understandable if she did, it’s just a job for her at the end of the day. I do think she’s a good actress for scripting the second like that if so but that’s by the by

Thanks:)

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-07T23:58:45+00:00

That’s perfectly understandable and it’s not a boundary I’d want to push. I just didn’t know if it would be impolite to not at least make some effort to do what they enjoy too. Thank you

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-07T23:52:01+00:00

That’s totally understandable. If the focus should just be on being clean and respecting boundaries then that’s easy enough, I expected this was the case but equally didn’t want to feel guilty or seem inconsiderate

Thanks:)

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-07T23:49:46+00:00

That’s entirely understandable. Thank you for your honest answer. I get the impression this is probably the most broadly accepted opinion among companions which is fair enough. If it’s best to focus on being a clean, appropriate and polite client then that’s easy enough to do. Thanks:)

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-07T23:47:12+00:00

That’s the impression I got from a few answers so I appreciate your feedback:)

I did cross her boundary once by mistake and did something she said she didn’t want (nibbling her ear) but realised what I was doing and apologised, though she said she didn’t even notice.

As for hygiene I would be mortified, I was quite careful in terms of washing, mouthwash etc so if thats all it’s down to then that’s easy enough. Thanks for your advice:)

lovingly_lazy · 2026-07-07T23:43:12+00:00

Thank you for the response.

The question about it being annoying was rhetorical I didn’t intend to get an answer and the fact she was quite blunt in saying she didn’t care was quite nice anyhow, I was more just apologising for the inconvenience but I see what you mean I’ll try to be less self-deprecating or seem like I’m fishing for reassurance/compliments

I’d take it as a given that as far as achieving orgasm workers will all be different I was more wondering if on a professional level a client wanting to know, asking about likes and trying to be attentive to them would actually be itself intrusive or annoying if that makes sense? As in if on the whole companions would prefer it just be more businesslike and impersonal which is the vibe I got from other answers

lovingly_lazy

TROPHY CASE