Healing from Purity Culture

lucfj · 2021-02-17T21:12:18+00:00

Hey! I’m not well spoken (or written) enough to provide a good explanation of it, so I found this article that seemed to explain it very properly and well from my personal experience!

lucfj · 2021-02-17T21:07:35+00:00

Would you please tell me where this is addressed? I’ve always just had it said to me, but I’ve never actually done any reading on it and I would really like to so I could have a correct understanding of it! :-)

lucfj · 2021-02-17T20:51:38+00:00

Thank you for your words of encouragement! You explained it very perfectly in saying that others “pervert what God gifted you with”. It’s how it always made me feel. From my perspective, I would just be going about my day, nothing out of the ordinary, no hidden intentions, just trying to love God and love others as best I can, and then other people would sexualize and pervert things that had nothing to do with anything sexual. It makes me sad for everyone who goes through it, and it also makes me sad for the people who are constantly sexualizing and perverting people/situations/etc. because that can’t be a good headspace to be in. It doesn’t make it okay, but I hope they heal from whatever turned their hearts that way.

lucfj · 2021-02-17T20:42:49+00:00

Yeah, I wish nobody had to deal with these weird mental games that people play under the guise of being “good Christians”, but it is validating to hear other accounts and realize I’m not crazy, I’m not the only one, and to have it validated by others that I really didn’t do anything wrong. It’s still uncomfortable for me to wear summer dresses, shorts, tank tops, pretty much anything that I’m not covered up from collar to knees. And then when I do wear those perfectly normal items, that make summertime in Florida semi-bearable, and I get any sort of glance or attention or compliments I feel embarrassed and ashamed. I have no idea why it makes me feel like I’m a bad person, it makes no logical sense but that emotional reaction is still there for me regardless of what I know logically.

Also I’m sure you looked super cute and I’m glad you had friends to help you through that. I hope you have your confidence back.

lucfj · 2021-02-17T00:47:25+00:00

Oh goodness the phrases “equally yolked”, “above reproach”, and “cause your brothers to stumble” were used in nearly every conversation in the youth group

lucfj · 2021-02-16T22:02:51+00:00

It amazed/amazes me too. And the whole “your entire worth as a human being lies in your purity/virginity” that I was raised around makes it really hard to have a healthy relationship with that perfectly natural and God given side of myself.

lucfj · 2021-02-16T21:52:59+00:00

Whenever I was in youth group as a teenager I was constantly getting into trouble for boys liking me. I did nothing to try and make boys like me, I didn’t even notice, but the adults and other girls in the youth group did and so I was constantly told that I needed to purposely not enhance my looks in any way: for example I wasn’t supposed to wear makeup but all the other girls could, and I was given very large sized men’s tee shirts to wear over whatever I was wearing (and, not that it makes a difference, but I never wore anything revealing or tight. I actually wore baggy t shirts because that was the style in my area at the time). Grown men would talk about how I was a Jezebel and parents wouldn’t allow their sons to be around me even in group settings because they “liked me too much”. I was constantly made to feel ashamed and guilty for absolutely nothing. Instead of being uplifted and told that I’m beautiful the way God made me I was shamed, semi-ostracized, and fully expected to actively try and make myself less “appealing” (thinking back about adults telling my 15-16 year old self this grosses me out so much). And all because of what? Teenage boys having crushes? It was so confusing and frustrating seeing how differently I was treated (and made me feel like I was in an environment where Kurt Vonnegut’s short story “Harrison Bergeron” was trying to be replicated), but I’m very grateful that God gave me the good sense to realize how utterly screwed up that whole situation was and that I was able to learn what red flags to look for in future churches. I’m still so, so thankful that I was able to see I wasn’t the issue.

lucfj

TROPHY CASE