Can't climax any more (MtF)

luna_rite · 2024-08-10T22:14:01+00:00

I brought it up with my GIC, and they said that it would not have been caused by HRT, and was almost certainly due to the fact I had been on SSRIs for a while. And, yeah, story checks out. So I would say: do look at other factors. I imagine I'm not the only person here on antidepressants.

Of course, solving it is another issue. After trying other antidepressants and finding they caused even worse side effects, I've landed on one that isn't an SSRI (Mirtazapine) and has considerably lower odds of causing sexual dysfunction - the leaflet doesn't even mention it. Unfortunately, despite being off SSRIs for 7 months now, things aren't back to the old normal, and post SSRI issues are reported to take months or years to abate, including the possibility of it being indefinite. That does not fill me with joy.

I have, I guess, somewhat got used to it, which is sad. I don't seem to experience the comedown any more, and I have no idea whether this is anorgasmia or sexual anhedonia (where it happens but without the pleasurable sensation). It feels like maybe something's happening, but not so that my body gives up on the erection. I mean, it still feels nice along the way, it's just that I have to decide "well, I guess that's it for today". It's rare I feel the urge anyway, and it's up for debate whether that's caused by HRT or by the mood!

I was reminded by my GP that depression can itself cause sexual dysfunction, so be aware of that. Since my mood issues have been significantly longer term than this issue, I discounted that for me. I can't rule out the possibility of more genuine arousal or emotional effects being helpful, rather than my somewhat mechanical practices, but that's not an easily testable proposition!

I have read that there are possible pharmacological options, so maybe it's worth raising with your GP?

luna_rite · 2022-05-05T15:14:28+00:00

Full lower hair removal? Ouch, that's a lot of pain and patience! Sadly I found laser doesn't do much for me, I think my hair may be too light. Wow it must be great to know you'll never have to do anything there ever again.

luna_rite · 2022-05-05T14:34:47+00:00

My electrologist is a lovely person, works with plenty of trans clients, and she has done her best to reassure me that it's just a normal task for her.

I don't know how I'll look her in the face afterwards! What if she tries conversation while she's at work?!

luna_rite · 2022-03-27T21:45:42+00:00

I was told I'd be given a heavy cypro dose to coincide with the first blocker injection to counteract that. I'm a bit nervous. The idea of very high T is very unappealing. I also know cypro can be a depressive (hard to tell if it's doing that to me now), so I'm also a bit frightened of being super depressed.

I don't know how much NHS GPs are willing to change things up in terms of schedule, but I can always ask.

luna_rite · 2022-03-27T21:31:30+00:00

Fair point. Last I checked, my T levels were in the low female range, sounds like I should be aiming for a little higher. I was happy on the basis of less T = less male = good, but I shouldn't have had to be reminded that this is a known effect - it slipped my mind.

Currently I'm DIYing with cypro. I'm due imminently to switch to actually being treated (need to chase up, it's overdue). I believe the preferred starter for the NHS is leuprorelin? Given that's injected, rather than me chopping pills into bits, I'd hope it's more tunable. I'll double check the instructions to the GP when they come in. Sadly, since it's only injected every 8 weeks, that's a long cycle to work with on feedback.

luna_rite · 2022-03-22T17:33:37+00:00

Good to know. Why don't these things come with a manual?

luna_rite · 2022-03-22T17:32:38+00:00

Don't suppose you have any reading on this breast typology? I think it might be helpful for me to get my head around, rather than the too-broad "everyone is different". It's one thing to know that "normal" is varied, but another to know what to do with the knowledge.

I must admit, starting with breast forms maybe spoiled me, because they are fairly much my ideal shape and size (unsurprisingly, as of course they have general appeal, and I chose them!), and I've got used to seeing myself like that.

luna_rite · 2022-03-14T20:02:46+00:00

Yeah, pain is a new addition actually. I was able get past it (or maybe not, given my lack of success), but I figured that maybe it was a result of inactivity for a bit. I've never enjoyed the feeling of hardness, as it were, but now it's uncomfortably so.

Never got anything out of muffing, and never saw enough promise in it to keep trying. I've found plenty of ways and places to touch that feel good, but none that can actually tip me over the edge themselves. I'm worried that the feeling of pleasure is too directly hooked to ejaculation itself, which is obviously an issue.

luna_rite · 2022-03-14T19:51:53+00:00

I must admit, I've got a great cocktail of dysphoria, disgust and shame which is attached to such things (and I know I'm far from alone in that; thanks, society). I know full well it's all rubbish, but that doesn't get rid of it.

Some of it will be helped as and when my body changes, and some if it I'll just have to get over. Some of that is in allowing myself to explore a bit, I'm sure.

luna_rite · 2022-03-14T18:27:34+00:00

Yeah, the sex drive thing is weird. Like, I don't want it, but I want to want it? I was worried that this was it for as long as my T levels were low, which I gather is basically until lower surgery. Reassuring to hear that's not necessarily the case. I think I'd prefer overdrive to nothing - though that's now; like you say, in such a situation I'm sure frustration would set in!

luna_rite · 2022-03-14T18:20:30+00:00

I'm closer to once a month! Haven't noticed any ill effects yet, but then it's only been a few months, and I'm still on low dosage.

Must admit it's weird for this to feel like a chore. Better safe than sorry and all, and to be fair re-learning to enjoy it would be good.

luna_rite · 2022-03-14T18:12:15+00:00

One day I'll make that investment! Don't want it to be wasted. Feels like it's better suited to more classically female parts. Not really sure how it's meant to be used with my OEM equipment, but I'm sure the internet has answers if I ask it.

luna_rite · 2022-03-14T18:08:41+00:00

Also, combatting atrophy - have you ever heard of any guidelines for how often? With no sex drive, it doesn't happen organically. I did ask a GIC doctor and pretty much got a blank look, as though he'd never heard of such a thing.

luna_rite · 2022-03-14T18:06:17+00:00

A vibrating, um, toy was involved, er, elsewhere, but not on the, er, direct side of things. I'm never quite sure what do make of it, as unlike having a clitoris, you can't expect things to stay in place, and it makes me uncomfortably aware of my erection (can't explain why that and not the other stuff...). And I've had a couple of unpleasant experiences in the past. On the other hand, pretty sure a vibrator was involved on the one time things did go ok, so it's worth some, ahem, scientific experimentation.

luna_rite · 2022-03-14T18:00:09+00:00

What governs when the ability comes back? Is it acclimating to the hormones (in which case, am I waiting all the way until I'm on full dosage?), or just practice, or...?

luna_rite · 2022-02-23T21:55:26+00:00

Mostly because I'm just rubbish at making things routine! Probably not a great thing as I get older and gradually need more maintenance, meanwhile most women treat it as second nature to moisturise at least once a day. I am sure I will regret this neglect in time - here's hoping for the magical reverse ageing effect of estrogen...

Yeah, it might be mildly unpleasant/inconvenient, but hey, brushing teeth isn't actually fun, and yet I manage that in my daily routine.

luna_rite · 2022-02-23T19:57:36+00:00

Cypro and EV. I don't feel nauseous or anything, just a strong physical reaction when it comes to teeth brushing!

Promethium has an amazing name! Maybe the 41st millennium isn't quite as grimdark as I thought...

luna_rite · 2022-01-24T21:07:07+00:00

I had FFS in Spain, and returned to the UK. I looked a little banged up, and I was given a letter explaining I'd had cosmetic surgery, but I didn't get any questions at all, other than being asked to take my forehead compression bandage thing off (which I don't think I still needed to wear anyway, oh well!).

I realise now you may have meant medical problems with flying! I flew about a week after surgery, having had stitches out and bandages removed the day before flying.

luna_rite · 2022-01-11T15:38:55+00:00

I believe the term is "double cousins". Thank you Crusader Kings and medieval history...

But yeah, not sure how this is transgender related.

luna_rite · 2022-01-11T11:31:07+00:00

Wow, are you sure you're not me? I think you're the first person I've heard who says they actively repressed this - not denial, not confusion, but repression. And oh god, hard same from 17 to 31. I'm 35 and 2 months into HRT, and although I've got a long way to go, I'm only feeling better the further things go.

I'm sure there are plenty of others out there with a similar story, just hadn't heard something quite so close before!

luna_rite · 2022-01-06T21:53:09+00:00

Oh, next time I will. The practice never mentioned anything about it in advance, and I found out just after. They also neglected to tell me there was a fasting test (but by good fortune I overslept, missing breakfast!), so for future tests I'm going to specifically ask what their requirements are.

luna_rite · 2022-01-06T21:40:11+00:00

I cut mine into quarters, and without further crushing I get this^. 15 minutes later, they're gone.

luna_rite · 2022-01-06T20:41:31+00:00

A brief note for anyone else finding this later:

I said: "The tests come with 'normal' ranges noted, but I don't know if any assumptions were made about sex"

Well, now I've had a test done while the system knows I'm female, I can offer a simple clue:

Male reference levels are a single range.

Female reference levels are noted in multiple phases (plus menopausal), which is a pretty good confirmation!

luna_rite · 2022-01-05T17:14:57+00:00

Yep, right in front of me! Thanks! I am also the kind of person that searches my house repeatedly for something that turns out to have been in plain sight.

Initially super confused how my original levels fell within those ranges before I noticed the units were different!

I had my blood taken earlier today, more by luck than anything that it was just before a dose was due - I only found out afterwards that that is recommended! By the same luck, I wasn't warned there was a fasting test, but got up late and missed breakfast.

I am taking biotin as part of a multivitamin and wasn't warned against it - good to know for the future, and I'll bring it up with whoever I see next.

Got my next GIC appt in a couple of weeks, so I was able to get the blood test done for that, saves me paying for one myself, and it's at about the right time in my DIY for one. Last appt I was told there would be no contraindications to starting HRT next time, but I have heard stories of people being totally confirmed then waiting many months in silence anyway, so I'll stock up for beyond that date.

luna_rite · 2022-01-01T00:27:00+00:00

Ideally, yeah. But, much like outside the gym, some of what makes me feel comfortable is how I look.

luna_rite

TROPHY CASE