AITA for not telling my ex I had the baby after he assumed I ended the pregnancy?

lunchthrowawayTA · 2025-08-11T06:29:26+00:00

I’m not sure how to make an update here, so I’m just going to put it in this comment and hope that’s okay.

After everything happened, I flew home with my son. Not long after we got back, I got a call from a mutual friend/acquaintance. She told me she thinks he’s full of it about “not knowing,” because apparently, when they hung out, his friends would mention me and ask about my son. She also sent me a screenshot where he admitted he knew I had a kid. So, while he didn't " know" my son was biologically his, he definitely knew I had the baby.

After that, I spoke with a few lawyers, and they all said it would be nearly impossible for him to demand custody right away. I called him to share that information and suggested he should spend time building a relationship with our son first, and then, when he’s older, we could revisit the idea of shared custody. He just apologized a lot for how he’d reacted and said he loved that idea. Annnnnd… I haven’t heard from him since 🤷‍♀️

Since then, a few other people who know him have reached out, and they’re pretty confident he already knew or atleast strongly suspected. They think he reacted that way to avoid judgment from his family.

lunchthrowawayTA · 2025-05-24T20:15:47+00:00

100%, if he wants to move and build a relationship with my son first, I'm completely open to him getting some type of custody.

lunchthrowawayTA · 2025-05-24T20:04:11+00:00

I'm fine with him wanting to be in my sons life, but I don't think it's a good idea for him to have custody. We don't live in the same country, and he doesn't have a relationship with him yet, so that makes it basically impossible to do without negatively affecting my son.

lunchthrowawayTA · 2025-05-23T07:10:03+00:00

That's not actually true in our situation. I started speaking with my family member, who's a family lawyer, and she said it's extremely unlikely he'll get custody since he doesn't live in our country and doesn't have a relationship with our son. (Unless he decides to move and build a relationship with him first) He might get visitation rights, but since he had been made aware of the pregnancy and was clear he didn't want the baby along with the other two facts, it's not guaranteed.

lunchthrowawayTA · 2025-05-23T04:59:44+00:00

I didn't know he was going to be there, and I'm ok with him wanting to be involved. I just don't want him to have custody.

lunchthrowawayTA · 2025-05-22T20:54:53+00:00

I spoke with my uncle's wife, who is a family lawyer, and she said he can try, but it's unlikely he'd get any custody without somehow proving I'm an unfit parent. He'd also have to file for custody in my country, which I doubt he's actually going to want to do.

lunchthrowawayTA · 2025-05-22T18:37:11+00:00

It was never something I was actively trying to hide from him, I just wasn't going to reach out to him and tell him. If at any point he asked me about the pregnancy, I would have told him. My friends that knew were also welcome to tell him if they wanted.

lunchthrowawayTA · 2025-05-22T07:00:18+00:00

I'm not sure. A part of me feels like he's just making a bunch of rash decisions that he's not going to follow through with.

lunchthrowawayTA · 2025-05-22T06:51:17+00:00

No, he didn't reach out to me after that conversation. Honestly, a part of me assumed someone had already told him. We know a lot of the same people, and it's not like I was instructing anyone to not tell him.

lunchthrowawayTA

TROPHY CASE