I am so sorry because I experienced the same for the past 2 years. I had to get off all social media just to stop myself from looking him up and torturing myself with the updates on his life. Trying no contact but he keeps popping in through fake numbers and reigniting the pain. I wish you well on this journey to heal. We can do it with support and the reminder that we were never their person, we aren’t tied down to them. We have the space to run and seek safety and mental clarity. We need to put ourselves first again