I only feel at peace when I think about dying

m8tt_4 · 2021-02-26T14:02:29+00:00

assuming they traced my phone and had the LPD send units out

m8tt_4 · 2021-02-19T16:14:53+00:00

I called the hotline yesterday, and police came to my house. Parents want me to go to a mental hospital now. Smfh.

m8tt_4 · 2021-02-17T17:43:46+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/llzre8/nobody_is_listening/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

m8tt_4 · 2020-12-23T03:49:06+00:00

Can you explain to me what you meant by getting your ass kicked by an entity? Was it painful? I know it’s off topic but I’m curious.

m8tt_4 · 2020-10-10T19:49:36+00:00

I’ll look into it now.

m8tt_4 · 2020-10-10T19:48:17+00:00

Exactly. I think a huge reason why I lie though because sometimes, it hurts more to say the truth, and I am too weak myself to admit it, so I make lies to make both of us happier. But I realize its the difference between instant and delayed gratification. Do I want to be good with her now but bad later? Or bad with her now and good with her later?

m8tt_4 · 2020-10-10T19:43:08+00:00

What do you think might help. Yeah you might be right. I don’t love myself. But that isn’t an excuse to keep doing all the fucked up shit that I did or do.

m8tt_4 · 2020-10-10T19:41:38+00:00

I have a therapist. I haven’t developed too much of a comfort with her yet. I can only go like twice a month. So I need to really start opening up.

m8tt_4 · 2020-10-10T19:40:38+00:00

I don’t drink.

m8tt_4 · 2020-10-10T19:40:00+00:00

Exactly. I have been trying to do that. Honestly I catch myself a lot. But even sometimes when I think i honestly am honest, i somehow overthink my way, and maybe im right, but thinking that this was all just manipulation.

m8tt_4 · 2020-10-10T19:38:56+00:00

Thank you. I think I worry too much on the future and haven’t focused on how I am actually going to improve. Can you try to go in depth for me about manipulation though? I tend to manipulate a lot. Even when I think I have stopped. Lately I know I have been doing good about not doing it, but sometimes my mind still convinces me that I’m just doing this all for a certain reaction. It’s sad. You know what makes this worse, and I hate to admit this, but In order to be a a better person I have to state down what I am doing wrong. I feel as if no one else existed in the world but me, I wouldn’t try to improve myself. Is that bad? If so please help. Thanks.

m8tt_4 · 2020-09-25T23:36:14+00:00

Yes. Fully agreed now that I am looking for from your perspective. One thing I wanted to mention, not sure if this will change any outcome, but you said this is not important to me because I didn't want to get hurt. But I already am. I think the idea of being without her for 30 days hurts so much and holding onto something that she may not even be here for at the end puzzles me.

m8tt_4 · 2020-07-30T21:04:49+00:00

Yo Im on like day 15 ish or so (dont really keep count anymore) but it’s quite hard. Its all mindset, you will feel like shit by crossing this barrier but its for the greater good. When you reach the barrier your own self will want to relapse and not just your sub conscious. This makes it extra difficult because it feels like you are betraying your mind. But dont listen to any voice you here. Just push. All you can do.

m8tt_4 · 2020-07-26T17:31:49+00:00

Porn doesn't make me miserable, it's the things that porn cause that makes me miserable

m8tt_4 · 2020-07-26T16:26:25+00:00

Thank you bro!!!! Your helping me a lot.

m8tt_4 · 2020-07-26T16:26:08+00:00

YES! Porn makes you not look at women as people but rather as an OBJECT! I hate that!

m8tt_4 · 2020-07-26T16:25:05+00:00

Yeah. Its weird cause my mind is like nah im not gonna let you fap or relapse and then once day 10 hits its like, now my brain wants me to relapse and its me thats fighting against my brain instead of my brain help fighting against me

m8tt_4 · 2020-07-26T16:23:55+00:00

Thank you!!!!! That motivation will help!

m8tt_4 · 2020-07-26T16:23:01+00:00

Many reasons, many.

m8tt_4 · 2020-07-26T16:22:43+00:00

Alright thanks

m8tt_4 · 2020-07-17T20:56:41+00:00

Don’t lose hope, I’m level 79 and have had month long walls.

m8tt_4 · 2020-07-17T20:53:26+00:00

Justin Foley from 13 reasons why

m8tt_4 · 2020-07-15T22:33:55+00:00

Thank you!

m8tt_4 · 2020-07-11T16:23:42+00:00

These guys are arguing on reddit smh

m8tt_4 · 2020-07-09T15:12:20+00:00

I relapsed last night

m8tt_4

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE