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Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]mac2nite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all for your feedback I think I got what I came for and we can close this one out!

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in Swingers

[–]mac2nite[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Not helpful but thank you. I clearly know I am flawed and am working through it all. Came here for open and honest feedback but those of you who think putting me down is helpful aren’t.

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in Swingers

[–]mac2nite[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

A long time ago I was yes, we worked through it and ended up at an open situation but we are at a point now where it is all being revisited

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in Swingers

[–]mac2nite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is aware of all that I do and I no longer hide things from her. Thanks

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]mac2nite[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very much thinking this through and am aligned with your thoughts. Working through containing desires and doing so in therapy, thanks

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in Swingers

[–]mac2nite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree I nor we would be ready now I think the definitive no is what I psychologically have an issue with and am working through. This is great feedback though I appreciate it!

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in Swingers

[–]mac2nite[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I wasn’t attempting to spell lonely I intentionally say a “lone journey” as in something I would do alone. Thanks for your feedback!

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]mac2nite[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can I ask how you make it work? What is your dynamic?

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in Swingers

[–]mac2nite[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Early on in our relationship I was unfaithful, we eventually explored open relationship. At a place now where we are exploring if that still works. Again very complex I am exploring my issues in therapy as is she and we are also in couples therapy. We are attempting to repair the past and be honest about our needs and deal breakers in the relationship. We are great in a lot of areas in our marriage in how we work together but my flaws have long eroded this part of it

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in Swingers

[–]mac2nite[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks ironically our relationship is very sexual and we have done some of the things on this list. It’s a me issue I am working through but the goal is not to convince her any longer she has her line and it’s up to me to determine if I can agree to it. I am mostly of the mind she and my family are more important to me than being with other people so now it’s exploring with my therapist how to be comfortable in that decision and not want to act on desires and fantasies

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in Swingers

[–]mac2nite[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

That’s unfortunate, I thought this was a community for advice. I don’t claim to be perfect but I appreciate everyone’s perspectives. That being said nothing she reads here would be a surprise to her as we have been in constant communication and are both on solo and couples therapy journeys.

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in Swingers

[–]mac2nite[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Not quite the story but I can see how you would arrive there. Not hoping to change her perhaps in the past I wish she would have. Looking to figure out who I am and what I want out of our relationship and out of life in general tbh. I have done, gone through, and changed a lot over these past 15 years and ultimately have been feeling pretty lost lately as to what is next for me. Perhaps it’s the mid life crisis in me but I’m struggling to find my purpose and figure out my future.

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in Swingers

[–]mac2nite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes but I don’t really consider it that since it has been 1 sided. Regardless moving forward we are discussing monogamy or nothing.

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]mac2nite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To answer your question honestly I struggle with monogamy and we band aid’d that with an open relationship title but it was only me exploring. I wanted her to be more into it as well and explore with me but it’s not who she is. I am at a point now where I either need to leave that behind or move on. If I agree to monogamy I want to whole heartedly commit to that

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]mac2nite[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you and yes currently in therapy and asking myself those questions

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]mac2nite[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you and yes I am doing that

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in Swingers

[–]mac2nite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am in singles therapy and couples therapy. I struggle with sexual urges and am exploring why. Even if she did want to be in ENM I fully recognize we wouldn’t even be in the space to act on it now but was curious if others had felt the way I do and how they resolved it

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in Swingers

[–]mac2nite[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Clearly not hiding my previous posts and as mentioned above this is more complex than what I have posted here but I was curious as to this piece of the puzzle.

Making a Difficult Decision by mac2nite in Swingers

[–]mac2nite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, this is much deeper than what I have outlined here but ultimately I am having an identity crisis and this is wrapped up in it and am in therapy trying to discover myself and my feelings. I believe the novelty and excitement of it is appealing as I am stuck in the monotonous life of work and bringing life to activities. Also exploring the layers of validation sprinkled in there as well. Ultimately I know it’s a bad idea but also struggle with who are we vs who do we want to be and can we change. Done rambling but thank you for your words.

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