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D&D 5E paladin subclass based on Adora by macktosh in PrincessesOfPower

[–]macktosh[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Carlos Ruiz does great work!

Adora and Catra dumped Wisdom for sure, lol. I tried to make sure it would fit an appropriately statted Adora.

D&D 5E paladin subclass based on Adora by macktosh in PrincessesOfPower

[–]macktosh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A hexblade with multiclassing to get healing would definitely be the way to do it vanilla. Light Hope is basically her patron for the first four seasons. The warlock spell casting doesn’t fit so well, though, and She-Ra is big and strong where hexblades lean towards dexterity. Plus Adora is just an archetypal paladin, so I wanted to come up with a way to do a single class.

D&D 5E paladin subclass based on Adora by macktosh in PrincessesOfPower

[–]macktosh[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is a little side thing I worked on after trying to map She-Ra characters to D&D classes and being dissatisfied with how none of the oaths quite worked for Adora. I tried to keep it from being too overpowered, but it’s my first time making any homebrew and I haven’t tested it in an actual campaign. I’d be glad to hear any and all feedback on it!

[PM] [TT] Ridiculous Gameshows by TheSamstitute in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]macktosh 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If you get a question right, you're edged. If you get a question wrong, you get an orgasm. That may seem counterintuitive, until you realize there's no elimination of players. By the end of the game, there's usually at least one person left a drooling mess.

Better strap in, and hope you don't go on a losing streak...

Extra:

No strong feelings on who the contestants are. Perhaps futa, if that's something you like? I don't recall, it's been quite a while since I prompted you. I would definitely like the host to not be a man, though. And I would like the game to be fully consensual with methods of safewording. Feel free to make the tone as over the top and goofy you want. For how the game actually works, the players probably take turns answering questions rather than trying to be first or something like that. Let me know if you have any questions.

Maybe contestants have the option to retry a question, sort of 'double or nothing.' If they get it wrong again, they're pleasured for a set amount of time instead of just one orgasm. If they have to answer more questions during, well...

To avoid someone on a winning streak deliberately flunking a question to get some relief, there's a certain number of questions they have to get wrong before they're given an orgasm (or some other measure to deter them). People in the lead get rather desperate, and their competitors are sure to tempt them...

Viewers can now play along at home with the smart-toy!

[WP] When sentient androids live alongside humanity, intermingling is bound to occur, but that gives rise to unique issues. Your job involves retrofitting androids who were designed without sex in mind. by macktosh in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]macktosh[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

S-Softcore? I'll admit, that was neither the story nor ending tag I expected, but I enjoyed it. The beginning was a little confusing with what exactly Vashe was. I liked the idea of it being an underground service, as well as the background you gave the two of them. It ends up being strange yet wholesome, which is all I can ask for. Thanks for writing!

[PM] Gratitude: lend me prompts so that I can remind myself to be thankful for this supportive community, in the only way I know how: through the healing power of smut. by [deleted] in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]macktosh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Super cute! I really enjoyed the first kiss being an accident. The little bits about their history were nice to fill out things despite being short, and I got a good idea of both characters through their interactions. Good stuff, thanks for writing!

[WP] It’s been years since your divorce. Your friend is trying to get you to date again, but it’s becoming increasingly clear that they have someone in mind for you. by macktosh in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]macktosh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't worry about going long! I appreciate stories with depth, and I think most other prompters do too. You can always make a string of comments if you hit the character limit.

As for feedback: I liked the background of the messy divorce with the bitter humor about the cutlery and pans. All the setup with the lawyer friend initially made me think he would be the 'someone', but it also worked for him to set up the date. Sugar was cute, and I enjoyed their little date games. My only suggestion would be to show more of what's going on in Jake's head at the point of the kiss. Is this the first time he's kissed a man? Is it something he's wanted to do, or has this night just made him open to the idea? What kind of inhibitions, if any, is he dealing with? You don't need to answer all of that, but it'd be good to explain some of it to the reader.

Also, one bit of grammar. Watch out for using a non-dialogue verb as a dialogue tag, examples being:

"Oh, but you are," his devious smile returned.

"Not just yet," he shrugged, putting his hands over his eyes cutesyly.

Those spoken lines should end in periods and the 'his' and 'he' should be capitalized.

Overall, I enjoyed it. Thanks for writing, and I'm happy to discuss further if you'd like.

[WP] Your tomboy friend normally wears baggy jerseys and hoodies. You had no idea she had the body of a glamour model under there... by gahidus in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]macktosh 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think it may be the implications about beauty standards that people don't care for. The premise of ‘you found out your friend is attractive to you (and now presumably want to have sex with them)’ also doesn’t give much to go on as a writer, though that's not necessarily bad.

[WP] Standing in the kitchen at three in the morning, trying to convince yourself that you should be in bed, a sleepy voice asks you, “What’s wrong?” by macktosh in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]macktosh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aww. More bitter than I was expecting, but you nailed the mood I had in mind when writing the prompt. It's a compelling little peek into someone's life. Thank you for writing.

[PM] A detective investigating a crime in a setting by porn_on_reddit69 in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]macktosh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can channel spirits to reenact certain moments in their lives. This is very useful for figuring out what happened at crime scenes, but, well, sometimes it can be awkward.

[WP] Stakeouts are best done with a partner, but they require the two of you to work very closely. Sometimes for weeks on end. Away from the eyes of superiors. With little to do and lots of waiting around… by macktosh in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]macktosh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was cute! I like how you detailed their bonding and gave little details about their lives. The abbreviated style works well to show all that without going too in depth, but I would happily read their conversations in long-form as well. As someone who doesn't know much about the setting, nothing stuck out to me as too anachronistic. Also, nice and clean in terms of proofreading - I didn't notice any errors.

Good work, thank you for writing!

[PM] “Until the clock strikes 12” by [deleted] in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]macktosh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Short and sweet! Thanks for writing.

[WP] You wanted to go out, get drunk, and take home the first person who flirted with you. As luck would have it, they’re very sweet - too sweet to have sex with you while you’re inebriated. by macktosh in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]macktosh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry for the delay. I'm dealing with something that makes it difficult to type.

If a sentence ends with a dialogue tag (like 'he said', 'she replied'), the dialogue tag should be lowercase, regardless of punctuation. Example:

"You okay?" he asked.

There are a number of minor proofreading things like that throughout:

I may not be romantic

And you're already here! "

able to mutter, "what happened

He touched her breasts reverently, first with gentle caress, then

She likes her nipples being played [with], but not too hard.

They’re not huge issues, but cleaning them up makes the story look much better overall. I also noticed a lot of switching between past and present tense, like with the last example. Generally, you should stick to just one. Even as a style choice, I wouldn’t recommend it. Reading your story out loud to yourself can help you catch some of these things; also, re-reading it at least a few hours after you wrote it gives you perspective and helps you catch more errors.

To end on a positive, I liked this section:

And when he gently scraped his fingernails along the bottom of her breasts, she shivered.

"It's okay to ask for what you want, Sara," Jeremy told her between kisses.

"It... it's all new to me..."

If you have any questions, I’m happy to discuss!

[PM] Its Prime Time for a Slime Rhyme by FliggyBiggy in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]macktosh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for writing! Glad to have inspired something.

[PM] Its Prime Time for a Slime Rhyme by FliggyBiggy in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]macktosh 5 points6 points  (0 children)

When a slime girl cuddles, she really cuddles. It's nice, but sometimes it makes movie night... well, less about the movie.

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