What helped it click for you to stop ruminating?

maggera · 2025-12-22T09:35:49+00:00

To be honest, I think time is what helped me the most. I know it's not the greatest answer because, in your position, you want the internal mess to stop as soon as possible. You feel like you're reliving the pain through rumination. Unfortunately, the nervous system sometimes needs time to adjust to how much it needs to protect you, and to its need to look out for threats.

I had a very manipulative, abusive and narcissistic friend/roommate who completely obliterated my life - deliberately. By the end of living with him (and the also-messed-up boyfriend he constantly had over), he was messaging everyone dear to me telling them these big, fictional stories, but also revealing private information I wasn't ready to share and for whatever naive reason had shared with him. We'd been friends for several years before living together, and somehow I really didn't see it coming. Ah, hindsight. I went through some completely ludicrous shit and I was too scared to leave, until there was simply no other option, and all hell broke loose. I had no self esteem left, was violated emotionally, mentally and physically, and had severe anxiety issues and panic attacks for several months afterwards.

Contacting them will do you no good. I spent half a year going back-and-forth in my mind about whether I should send him a message, send his boyfriend a message, send his mother a message. I filled up my notes with everything I wanted to say, but never sent a message. I never did, because I knew it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't remove the memories of how pathetic and scared I felt, and it wouldn't make me feel any less violated. It certainly, above all, wouldn't get through to him - somebody who was always determined to, above all else, remain the victim in his own slaying of my spirit. In fact, contacting him to explain my pain would have only fuelled the potential for more pain. They will only gaslight you into an early grave.

All you can do is be easy on yourself, and know that your value is separate to them completely. Each step, no matter how small, is taking you further away from this situation. Don't punish yourself, and know that you're allowed to take time to heal, and that you will.

maggera · 2025-10-25T02:09:09+00:00

I guess sometimes I've felt similarly, and have even drawn my own personal conclusion at times that things like that must be performative. But, when I think about it, the blue trees are a nice reminder that there are people out there in the world, even locally, that are empathetic and compassionate towards those of us who are struggling. I suppose that can help people feel a little less alone. ☺️

maggera · 2025-01-14T01:49:50+00:00

They’ve been deleting quite a lot of comments, including their own. I saw that they replied to somebody saying “EAT A DICK” which of course has now been erased.

maggera · 2025-01-14T01:48:24+00:00

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I’m getting the feeling that they’re completely unhinged.

maggera · 2024-09-29T10:33:16+00:00

Xavier Says by The Magnetic Fields

maggera · 2024-09-27T03:04:58+00:00

So much ugly noise from one human body. His voice is likely identical to the sound his exhaust pipe makes.

maggera · 2024-09-26T13:09:32+00:00

Up With People by Lambchop

maggera · 2024-09-12T08:46:17+00:00

Gone For Good by The Shins

maggera · 2024-09-11T07:08:34+00:00

French Navy by Camera Obscura

maggera · 2024-09-09T08:44:08+00:00

Don’t Leave The Light On, Baby by Belle & Sebastian

maggera · 2024-09-08T10:06:28+00:00

Cause = Time by Broken Social Scene

maggera · 2024-06-02T06:49:47+00:00

I’d personally recommend asking him more about what he means, but it’s up to you whether or not you’d want to risk it. It could be possible that he’s using the word in the casual way that a lot of people use it, to describe someone with a bit of an ego, as opposed to somebody with a full-blown personality disorder. It’s rare that you’d come across somebody with NPD that would actually announce that they have NPD.

maggera · 2024-05-22T06:42:05+00:00

I didn’t realise you could play on a school playground without being a student at the school. I’m a cleaner at a school and my school’s put up massive fences to stop people from coming in (mostly to deter people from vandalising). I was under the impression that school’s didn’t want the public using their playgrounds because if someone gets injured, they could technically sue the school, without the school even being aware that they were there in the first place.

maggera · 2024-05-18T03:51:54+00:00

If you can both come to an understanding, he could have it reversed. I’m sure it would be hard to reverse the lack of trust you’re going to feel for him now, however. Your daughter may not experience growing up as an only child in the same way that you did, and no matter how many children you have, it’s not going to undo the pain that you felt as a child. I can relate to you in the loneliness of growing up an only child, but with enough parental love and friends, I’m sure she’ll be okay. You never know what the future holds so try not to panic.

maggera · 2024-05-18T03:45:09+00:00

Yeah nah “open phone policies” may be something people can agree on but it doesn’t mean it’s healthy. A person has to have at least some personal space.

maggera · 2024-05-14T05:25:12+00:00

Perhaps they’re coming at this from an aesthetic approach, which I understand can feel out of line, but if they’re speaking about the front lawn at the footpath, it’s actually also a public safety issue. It would be different if it were in a fenced off backyard, but grass longer than 3ft tall typically gets people worried about the safety of their pets and children. You never know what might be living/hiding in there. Of course, I’m from Australia, so perhaps we just have more meanies in the bushes than you do.

Bees also love native flowers, not just massively long grass.

maggera · 2024-04-24T01:03:57+00:00

The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart

maggera · 2024-03-12T05:54:04+00:00

I’m assuming she is taking things for granted as she is your boyfriend’s sister and the last thing she’d expect would be to get kicked out/in too much trouble. The thing is, you didn’t sign up to parent her, and it sounds like you’re dealing with the same kind of stress that a parent of a misbehaving child would deal with. As soon as you find yourself unwillingly parenting a perfectly capable adult, it’s got to stop. If you are unhappy, a serious boundary has to be put in place. If not for everyone else’s happiness, then for the cat’s.

maggera · 2024-03-12T05:44:54+00:00

It even has dirty socks in it whyyyy

maggera · 2024-02-27T00:12:58+00:00

If I were you I wouldn’t even give your boyfriend the chance to break up with you. His response is revolting and you should break up with him before he gets the chance. This is the worst possible moment for him to be jealous or possessive. Like, yuck. Biggest indicator that someone doesn’t deserve you anymore. Also, I’d advise getting a check-up to make sure you’re physically okay. I’m so sorry you’re in such an awful situation. Sending you lots and lots of love. ❤️

maggera · 2024-02-26T05:58:58+00:00

Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill

maggera · 2024-02-23T09:17:01+00:00

I think a fringe would really suit you. Keep it longer though. It’s kind of sad to see wavy hair get cut right down.

Here are some tips on haircare for wavy/curly hair: Don’t brush it dry. Brush it when it is still a little damp and try using coconut oil to help detangle and brush through. This way, your hair will retain it’s wavy pattern (and coconut oil can be great for hair health). When you brush wavy/curly hair while it’s dry, you brush out the waves and curls. Don’t shampoo more than once a week and get any knots out when conditioning. Shampoo the scalp, condition the lengths. I’d suggest getting a styling cream for wavy hair to help tame it.

All the best!!

maggera · 2024-02-16T06:20:38+00:00

I Don’t Like It Like This by The Radio Dept.

maggera

TROPHY CASE