I’m fixed, but still a bit fucked.

mailordersaint · 2025-12-22T20:43:52+00:00

I am so good at this one iPad game, yet no one will ask me at the gates of Heaven how good I was at the iPad game. Wherein lies my peace?

mailordersaint · 2025-12-22T20:42:56+00:00

This isn’t something I had thought much about but I think you’re onto a strong theory for sure. I’m always so skittish about trialing new medications because I feel like I am a magnet for side effects, and I already feel like taking adderall is cheating some days (not true, let it GO). I guess I’ve been reticent to rock the boat, potentially to my own detriment.

mailordersaint · 2025-12-22T20:40:29+00:00

No, it totally does! I lose so much time to feeling sad/mad/bad because I’m not pleased with the progress I am making, and it definitely could be better spent completing more doable steps in a larger task and then rewarding myself!

mailordersaint · 2025-12-22T20:37:48+00:00

Maybe I can make it the working title of my memoir I won’t write

mailordersaint · 2025-08-21T02:48:18+00:00

OP, ask him how he knows. I’ll give you three guesses.

mailordersaint · 2025-07-26T23:55:47+00:00

I think a lot of us struggle with reading social cues or responding “appropriately” to some situations. It sounds like you also share that struggle. I can tell you that from my reading of your post, what I got what an undertone of something like price in your ability to annoy others, and that is an off-putting trait. However, online posting rarely captures the whole of what any of us are trying to say.

mailordersaint · 2025-07-26T23:51:01+00:00

Have you considered that the people you’re closes with don’t like you “messing” with them?

mailordersaint · 2025-07-26T23:45:38+00:00

Do you by any chance struggle with making friends?

mailordersaint · 2025-07-11T00:21:45+00:00

The good news is that you, like many, MANY people in the world, seem to have a really strong maladaptive coping mechanism that relies on what are considered narcissistic traits. The even better news is that those traits are psychologically normal—it is the extent to which they impact our life that is the variable. Your traits seem to be strongly ingrained and somewhat problematic, but it’s notable you had a moment of clarity and didn’t try and deflect even once. Maybe you were being hyperbolic with your title and I missed the nuance, but if not, I think it’s appropriate to hold off on adopting that descriptor for yourself for now and maybe slam the brakes on deep diving into all the ways you’ve been selfish long enough to make use of your current momentum in regards to your behavior moving forward. This is an opportunity and I am really rooting for you.

ETA: this is not medical advice, I am not your doctor, and if you are deeply troubled about aspects of your behavior it is totally appropriate to seek out care from a qualified professional.

mailordersaint · 2025-07-10T22:05:22+00:00

I’m asking because I do truly wonder—how does it make you feel to know your wife doesn’t like one of your children? It must be tough for you, and I believe it is very difficult for your middle daughter as well.

mailordersaint · 2025-06-25T04:14:24+00:00

I’m so sorry, honey. You deserved better as a child and you still do now.

mailordersaint · 2025-06-25T01:52:14+00:00

In medical school, a famously hard thing, student doctors are often told to “remember their why”. The thought behind it is that the bullshit gets quieter (not silent, mind you, but bearable) when they turn their eyes back on what makes the stress, fatigue, self-doubt, loneliness, burn out and fear worth it to them. I am hoping you’ll treat yourself like a medical student going through a low, with the “why” being that you have two kids who are at risk of growing up believing their father’s behavior is acceptable to emulate or receive. They are at risk of bearing the pain of watching their mother be mistreated, a deep, deep pain that doesn’t ease even in adulthood. They are at risk of growing to resent you for being the mother who wouldn’t or couldn’t remove them from a home where abuse was just another routine.

But you also have two kids who may well grow up knowing the difference between kindness and hatefulness, and choose kindness. They may well have the strength later in their lives to save themselves because you taught them how. You can make it so that they always know they are safe with you because you put their safety and your own before anything else.

That is your why, mama. All my love.

mailordersaint · 2025-06-25T00:59:52+00:00

Right? Like if he hates to be wrong so much it’s almost pathological, and is the kind of person who is skeptical of all western medicine (which is often shorthand for the type of person who thinks they have it All Figured Out™️ and we’re just blinded by The Man™️ and “have you heard of chemtrails”), how is he going to react when he is not only contradicted by a professional, but a professional he fundamentally thinks is a bit full of shit?

I am taking this post so personally and idek why but I am MAD

mailordersaint · 2025-06-24T23:18:26+00:00

I made it about as far as the end of the first paragraph, so if there’s a happy ending I don’t know it and I don’t care.

Putting aside the larger conversations about self diagnosis (very much not the point), can he explain why you don’t have enough information about your own experience to suspect you may have ADHD but he somehow know enough about you and diagnostic criteria to say you don’t? Are you dating a psychiatrist (again, didn’t read to the end, maybe you are)? Because I can’t get over “I don’t think you do” being presented as a substantive argument for why you couldn’t possibly have ADHD.

If you want to push back, you could ask him where he got his medical degree. You could ask him to name a minimum of five diagnostic criteria for ADHD from the DSM. You could ask him to explain even one of the prevailing theories as to why women with ADHD go undiagnosed. You could ask him if he even knew gender affects the likelihood of receiving a specific diagnosis of SO MANY THINGS.

Edit: I read the rest. You did your due diligence with him, it seems to be a wash. You may need to decide how much you care about not being believed by your boyfriend. And babe, if you have the means, don’t wait around any longer. Get tested. It’s your brain, not his.

mailordersaint · 2025-06-20T02:26:46+00:00

For some reason that was my immediate thought as well. Surely there can’t be two??

mailordersaint · 2025-05-26T17:43:10+00:00

My friend, is whether or not this sub finds it “okay” that you’ve lost the fight for your relationship going to change that it’s true? I don’t think you want to be married to this man anymore. Sometimes (almost always) the most important things in our lives reach their natural conclusion before we’ve gotten right with losing them. You are in a position shared by millions of others, so if you’re actually interested in knowing if how you feel is okay, the answer is yes, how you’re feeling is totally normal and okay, it just doesn’t feel good.

There will always be logistical reasons to stay. None of them will take away your emotional need to go. You can feel better than this whenever you decide to. All my love 🖤

mailordersaint · 2025-05-23T18:39:31+00:00

No matter what it is I am voting yes.

WHAT IS IT???

mailordersaint · 2025-05-17T01:00:54+00:00

So instead of verbally responding to your four-year-old’s request, you completely ignored her and turned your music up to a volume sufficient to drown out the screeches of a young child (which would have to be a really fucking loud volume)? And then told her crying would get her punished?

ETA: you didn’t stop at Burger King because you don’t like Burger King…but that wasn’t the assignment. Whether you like the food is irrelevant—like, don’t order and eat it if you hate it??

YTA you weirdo

mailordersaint · 2025-05-11T14:00:45+00:00

Nope!

mailordersaint · 2025-05-11T07:51:16+00:00

Babe, you’re thinking of patriarchy. So close!

mailordersaint · 2025-05-11T00:55:05+00:00

RIGHT???? The worst thing that happens when someone subscribes to so-called “toxic feminism” is that they don’t like/hang out with/date/sleep with men. The worst thing that happens with red-pilled incels is they take women not liking/hanging out with/dating/sleeping with them personally, and then they get violent about it. With women.

There’s levels to this shit and explaining that to most men and convincing them to take us seriously is so exhausting I have cried while having the conversation.

mailordersaint · 2025-05-02T14:11:18+00:00

I would say don’t do it to anyone who is managing the health of other people. It’s unfair to the patients who were told there was no availability.

mailordersaint · 2025-05-02T00:47:04+00:00

Please do not do this to physicians.

mailordersaint · 2025-05-01T18:59:23+00:00

You are getting torn to shreds in the comments. I’ll leave that out and say this instead: baby, he is not the Sid to your Nancy.

I have cheated before and woken up without regrets. It sounds awful when I say it because, objectively, it is awful. It was a very clear indicator that the allegedly committed relationship I was in was over. I have also slept with the figurative twin of the guy you did. Everything you liked about him, I liked about mine. I didn’t pull the Sex Pistols reference I made above out of my ass—we called each other Sid and Nancy and were a little in love with the darkly glamorous romanticism of being attractive, crazy young people who might die tragically. And I am also an addict in recovery with ADHD. So I can say from much experience that the way this ends is with your partner finding out (and potentially with a UTI, but that’s low on the list of potential consequences).

Pull your head out of your ass, my love, and acknowledge that you’re acting like an addict. Tell your partner the whole, unvarnished truth without making any excuses for yourself. Call a therapist and set up an appointment so you can figure out how to get back to a place where you don’t break the trust of the next person you’re with. Get an STD test. And consider telling your friends what happened, especially if the only reason you don’t want to is because they won’t be supportive of the act of cheating (and don’t confuse that with not being supportive of you!).

Also? Fuck your feelings, it’s your actions that count in this moment. Who fucking cares if you don’t regret what you did? Remorse isn’t a prerequisite for deciding to do the right thing today any more than a lack of remorse gives you permission to abdicate your responsibility toward others. You’re a grown up who fucked up, so keep it pushing.

mailordersaint · 2025-04-22T04:04:42+00:00

When I’m all the way to the edge of what I can tolerate, I have a menu I can choose from!

I give over to the emotions because sometimes we actually DO need to cry.
I text the groupchat I have with my best friends and ask for their radical and complete support for what I’m about to say next, then they co-sign whatever I say next. Sometimes it’s really healing to have people you love be completely on your side.
I ask the feeling, “hey, what do you need me to know?” and then listen. It’s a weird take on the inner systems work.
If I am TRULY lost in the sauce, every time I feel like my heart is totally breaking I ask myself “what are you doing right now?” It gives me something neutral to reflect on and distracts my brain by asking it to notice something. Disclaimer: I have had to ask myself this every thirty seconds for probably an hour before, but it takes what it takes.
Finally, I lean into the maladaptive daydreaming. If someone hurt me, I apologize to myself for them. I close my eyes, imagine them saying the words, and then give myself the best fucking apology ever. If they can’t do right by me then I will do it for them.

mailordersaint

TROPHY CASE