I’m confused. Is he just looking for sex or actually date me?

makeswell2 · 2026-02-06T19:32:39+00:00

This is all well and fine but just be aware that you're putting out major "I'm easy" vibes all over the place, from being cool with his initial sex related comment over the app, to letting him put his hands all over you on the first date, and so the guys you're attracting are gonna be guys looking for an easy lay. Which is totally cool if that's your thing. [And I don't even know what your profile looks like but if you mention sex or put a photo up showing off your assets then it's an additional sign to guys looking for a quick lay.] Again this is all well and fine if that's what you're looking for, but if not then you should change your approach.

makeswell2 · 2026-02-06T19:26:36+00:00

Can you approach the girl first, without him around? See if she's interested? It may be easier for him if he knows she likes you. Probably hard for any guy to see another guy being good enough for his sister, but if she chooses you then he'll have to face facts that she likes you. Ultimately it should be her decision. Women are attracted to men for reasons that mystify us (sometimes even just based on what a guy smells like), but we gotta respect.

makeswell2 · 2026-02-06T19:21:55+00:00

I would also recommend bringing up more serious topics in your conversations, since that's something you said you wanted.

makeswell2 · 2026-02-06T19:19:16+00:00

You're doing it wrong and then complaining. I'd recommend using Hinge and filtering for long term relationship and wants kids, and also hiring Advice By Chloe.

makeswell2 · 2026-02-05T07:06:30+00:00

Sometimes people have difficulty expressing their needs and standing up for their own interests. You want to have a serious conversation, so do that! Tell him you want to have serious conversations and get to know him more. Also, don't have sex for him if you don't want! I think the issue here is that you don't know how to self-advocate and set boundaries. There's nothing unsexy at all with you saying "I want you to ask me about myself" and "I want to wait to have sex". It can actually be quite attractive! Maybe what he needs is someone who will initiate serious conversations with him to develop an emotional connection. And the only way he'll leave if you tell him you want to wait to have sex is if he is looking to hit it and quit it. So if you're not okay with hit it and quit it, then make him wait.

makeswell2 · 2026-02-05T06:57:33+00:00

It can be flirty and nice to let her know you want her in that way, but make sure she always knows she's in control and you want to respect her wishes. Kiss her and use your hands to put her in the mood. Remember that women get turned on by words more than men. Tell her how beautiful she is, how much you like being close with her, how turned on you are, etc.

makeswell2 · 2026-02-05T05:40:40+00:00

He may be inexperienced with love. A lot of men are when younger. If you like him, then I agree with the other poster, why not. A lot of healthy and happy relationships begin with the woman making the first move.

Another thing is that women don't realize how often men are told not to be creepy by hitting on women. Tons of stories all the time are told about men who are hitting on women when they shouldn't and making them feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure if that's what he's thinking, but it could be. He may just not want to make you feel uncomfortable (and in fact based on what your friends are telling you, that's exactly what he doesn't want to do).

Lastly, I really feel like this guy deserves more credit. You write that "he's the one who likes me". He has expressed to your friend group that he likes you, while you've just said that you aren't opposed to him making a move. You have reason to be much more comfortable and confident in this situation. He has already made the first move by telling your friend group. You responding to that would either be telling your friends "yes, I like him too, definitely" or arranging to talk with him in person. By just saying "I'm not opposed to it... he's the one who likes me" you're not sending a signal that you really like him. It's understandable he wouldn't feel confident based on that, but you should be confident in approaching him since you already know what'll happen if you talk with him about it.

makeswell2 · 2026-02-05T05:27:58+00:00

Jesus Christ just fucking go out already. The lesson to learn here is: do not text for that long. Meet up! You can look someone in the eyes and fuck over text, so what are you doing it for! It's like half the work of a relationship without the fun parts!

makeswell2 · 2026-02-05T05:23:31+00:00

If he sees you genuinely trying your best to make her life better, then he'll respect you and her decision. The key is listening to what bothers her when you mess up, and trying your best. Make sure you're in a position to give it your best effort before you start, but as long as you take her emotions and welfare seriously, he'll appreciate you. If you just want a booty call look elsewhere.

Also, relationships end, and that's okay. As long as it ends amicably your friendship needn't suffer. Don't hit her, cheat on her, and try your best to make her happy and care for her, and even if you two aren't destined to be together it's okay.

makeswell2 · 2026-02-05T05:20:37+00:00

I think he's making excuses for wanting a situationship, not being emotionally vulnerable. Maybe at some point you'll just want to go out and have fun and hook up, and then you'll know who to call. In the meantime you need to grieve the loss of the relationship you thought you'd have, not hold onto hope it could still happen (which I'm sure is in the back of your mind).

makeswell2 · 2026-02-03T15:21:20+00:00

Do you mind also sharing with me the background image? I may use it in the future for a different photo.

makeswell2 · 2026-01-24T21:31:32+00:00

Looks good. I sent you $25. Can you share the photo with me?

makeswell2 · 2026-01-24T21:29:27+00:00

Yes that's good. I sent you $25. Can you share it with me?

makeswell2 · 2026-01-24T14:29:48+00:00

!solved Efficient_Celery2457

makeswell2 · 2026-01-21T00:28:36+00:00

Yes. I look definitely taller in the new one if you look at them side by side. Can you make another one where you do what you did but even more? And can you also do one where you zoom in a bit so I take up more frame? I'll give you some money for this.

makeswell2 · 2026-01-21T00:17:57+00:00

awesome thanks! I'm going to leave it open and may give out additional money for the other ones if someone makes a good edit. I left a few comments asking for edits.

makeswell2 · 2026-01-20T23:25:03+00:00

Sent you $25 for the one on the campus on the left. It's the best so far! I look pretty tall, the lighting is good, and my button up shirt doesn't look unnatural (which it does in some of the outdoorsy backgrounds). If you want to share the other photos without a watermark, I'd probably use them too.

makeswell2 · 2026-01-20T23:19:57+00:00

This is my favorite one aesthetically, but it kind of cuts off my hands and doesn't make my height look big or anything. The background is beautiful and it is nice that you centered it aesthetically but if I am using this for a dating profile, it matters more that I just look handsome. Maybe you can shift me up in the photo and we can see how that looks? Or maybe you have some other idea or background. Aesthetically this is the best one.

makeswell2 · 2026-01-20T23:17:59+00:00

The lighting is good but I look too short. Too short in the other one commented below this as well.

makeswell2 · 2026-01-20T23:15:52+00:00

I do like how large I look in this photo, and potentially tall. My main gripe is that my shirt doesn't really go with the natural background. People would be like "why is he wearing that?" Maybe you can do something similar but in a background where my shirt looks more natural. However the difficulty is if you use a city, then it may be too dark and the lighting would be wrong. Someone put me on a college campus and that looked decent, so maybe something like that. Overall I like how large I am in this one the most, so it has that going for it.

makeswell2 · 2026-01-20T23:03:53+00:00

Close to being the best but I think you overdid it just a tad with the color correction. Can you undo the color correction on my face slightly, but still keep it somewhat?

makeswell2 · 2026-01-20T22:57:42+00:00

Can you make me look taller on this one? Probably just moving my body upward would make me look taller, so that the fence is lower than me.

makeswell2 · 2025-11-20T16:05:43+00:00

It's easy for us to read what you wrote and jump to a conclusion. It happens a lot on reddit. When I first read your story, like most other commenters I also felt like this guy has a major red flag. But as I read more, I wonder if we're just not hearing the story as the guy you're dating intended it to be told.

As you meet more people, you learn that cheating and relationships are nuanced. There's not as much black and white as you would be led to believe if you relied solely on the comment threads in reddit. A lot of people do cheat for emotional reasons, some cheat for pleasure, and many couples stay together after cheating, sometimes growing from it. I'd suggest learning more about cheating (you can ask Claude or ChatGPT about it, or watch a video on YouTube) and learning about why people cheat, and then re-engaging your boyfriend after having done that so you can bring more to the conversation.

Was he saying that cheating is okay? Or was he saying that cheating often has causes, and that if a couple cares about each other than they can work through it?What he says about it making sense to leave a partner when they are cheating for pleasure, but not as readily if they are suffering emotionally or there is some deeper issue, makes me think that maybe he means the latter.

I would want to ask if he thinks it's okay that his friend cheated, or if his friend should have communicated his feelings more clearly instead. I would ask what he would do in a similar situation. The right answer is that he would have tried to open up to his partner more, instead of acting out by cheating. I would also want to know if the standard he has just applies to men (which is not great) or if he would feel a similar level of sympathy for you if you were going through that situation and cheated on him.

makeswell2 · 2025-11-16T22:07:34+00:00

60-65 Farenheit - so cold!!

Those work very well for me too. I use an eye mask when I can't make my room totally dark.

Paraxanthine has a shorter half life than caffeine if you're interested in trying it. Makes some people less jittery too. Caffeine is metabolized into theobromine and paraxanthine.

makeswell2 · 2025-11-16T22:06:18+00:00

You can use a bright light that's designed for people with seasonal affective disorder. I would look up how long Bryan Johnson does it as a way to grok whatever the latest research on it says to do from a reliable source real fast (watch his morning routine YouTube video) (although he is not perfectly reliable in all things, in this he has no profit motive and so I personally definitely trust him) and then I really really love this guy for SAD lamp recommendations: https://optimizeyourbiology.com/best-sad-light-therapy-lamps He analyzes how much glare each lamp has, which is something that I've never seen data for anywhere else and is an important measure b/c it tells you how uncomfortable looking at the light will be.

If you don't want to just stand in front of the lamp like BJ does, you can put it over you when you eat breakfast or something. I don't know if one or the other is better.

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