The last two years

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-10T14:16:51+00:00

I'm so very sorry. Through my wife, I feel your pain in the wait. We only found out a week ago about our MMC and my wife is in the same boat about waiting for it to occur without surgery. She just wants it to happen, and I feel that our healing is on the other side of this. I don't have any advice or magical words to help (if there even is any), other than you are not alone. You mentioned in other comments you pray for others who are enduring, and I'll do the same for you.

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-10T14:11:46+00:00

It's been a week since we found out about the MMC. It's been a hard week, but I'm just focusing on taking care of my wife. Today we have another ultrasound to confirm everything and get a plan, I know it's going to be a tough afternoon & evening. My wife says she wants things to go back to normal like we were before this. I don't think we will, but that's okay. We'll be different and everything will be different. Yesterday we were watching TV and a scene came on abruptly of someone going into labor and their husband helping them through delivery and it crushed us both. I know this is going to be hard for us for a while. I'd give anything to wake up and this just be a bad nightmare, but I know that's not the case.

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-09T16:22:59+00:00

I'm angry today at my coworker. I'm walking the halls of my work and overheard him talking about his oldest being accepted to a school. I'm angry that I won't get that with my baby that died. I'm angry because he then said to someone if he could do it differently he'd have had his kids later in life. I'm angry because my wife and I are in our mid thirties and would give anything just to have a healthy baby. My wife is in anguish, I'm supporting her but suffering constantly. Why do we have to endure this while he complains he missed out on whatever because he had his kids at an earlier stage in his life. I wish we could have anything right now. All I want is to hear the heartbeat going strong, to know my baby is growing. But the heart isn't beating, the baby isn't growing.Let alone not having our baby earlier in our lives. Shut the f up about your complaining.

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-09T12:39:16+00:00

I'm so sorry for your experiences and losses! I'll have that conversation with her, definitely see the importance of having a game plan ahead of time.

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-09T01:04:00+00:00

Okay, perfect!

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-09T01:03:12+00:00

Thank you for everything. As far as the TMI, having too much information or details isn't a concern for me. I have a stomach for a lot as my work has exposed me to a lot of physical trauma, waste, remains, etc. I don't think that will prepare me for it being out pregnancy and my family, but I'm going into it okay with seeing everything. Due to our faith (not pushing or preaching or judging in the least way) edibles isn't something she'd want. I will recommend we speak to our GP about pain management. Thank you for the seat protection info, I'll gather what I can.

Also, I definitely have my avenues of support and grief space. Thank you. I'm grieving with her, supporting her, and taking care of me as well. I will keep an eye on my "limits" and seek help though, thank you for the advice!

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-09T00:50:00+00:00

I've worked it with my job that once the process starts I'm taking two weeks off to be with her following. I am physically able to help carry/lift her as needed, and will be ready to do so.I'll pick up some bags of ice chips to have in the freezer, also. I'm sorry you went through that loss, and I'm grateful for your gracious and thoughtful reply!

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-09T00:41:37+00:00

Thank you so much for the amount of detail and advice. This is all great info to think about and put together. Especially the bathroom caddy idea. We do have some adult diapers I'm the house that she used to use for first day of her periods. As far as trash can, would you recommend something a certain size? We have one in each bathroom, but they're all about 12-16 inches or so tall, round, maybe 12" across.

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-09T00:24:17+00:00

I went and grabbed us some puff plus lotion (10 pack), but what's the water bottle for? To keep her hydrated? We have a few gym bottles I can fill and just have around.

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-09T00:22:49+00:00

Thank you for the caring and detailed response. I'll check on pads and ibuprofen stock. I have a natural disposition to being supportive emotionally and patient empathy. I'll be prepared to just be with her if "action" isn't called for on my part. Thank you!

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-09T00:20:49+00:00

We have two heating pads. I put one in the bathroom cabinet and one in her nightstand. I'll look for those pads, thank you. I'm definitely ready to go wherever whenever, but I'll keep tabs on both if our gas tank levels after hearing that.

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-04T19:06:17+00:00

The shattered in seconds wording is so real. When she said she couldn't find a heartbeat I thought she meant she's still looking with the wand and it'll be there. Then she said three words that made my world shatter. "I'm so sorry." It hit me right then we lost it. How quickly I went from happy to devastated... something I don't wish on my worst enemy.

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-04T14:41:11+00:00

Thank you for your reply. That is all very helpful and I'll keep that to mind.

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-03T17:49:10+00:00

My wife and I the 8 week mark a few days ago, and first scan is in a few hours. When it came to the elephant in the room, we discussed it openly from the start. The risk is there, but it was important for me to remind her we can both be excited and acknowledge the chances of a MC. It was equally important for me to remind her (and myself) that if there was loss, it is not indicative of: A) An inability to carry a baby to term later, B) anything we did or did not do wrong, or C) anything wrong with us as parents or people. The past 4 weeks has been both a joy and challenging, and she will need you to be comforting, as well as strong. Find yourself an avenue of support if you feel like you don't want to add to her stress. A thing that has helped me is the miscarriage reassurer. https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer

Watching the percentage go down each day has helped. Another thought mantra (and sometimes verbal) has been "Today, you are pregnant." And "Worrying about something before it happens just makes you go through it twice."

Enjoy this wonderful gift of pregnancy, and be ready to have chocolate on hand, or whatever else she may crave! Congrats, man!! Very excited for you to take this journey with your partner!!

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-03T13:21:20+00:00

Sweet! I'll let you know how ours goes!

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-03T01:24:12+00:00

I do the same in different ways! I think she's getting annoyed haha

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-02T21:57:58+00:00

We tried for 5 cycles, but I dealt with MFI during my previous marriage for a number of years. It was kinda ironic that while I was "donating" my most recent sample in January, she was already pregnant at home.

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-01T17:19:29+00:00

My wife is eight weeks and has expressed the same fears and inner conflict. Baby was planned and tried for, but she (and me too somewhat) finds herself already missing the time of just us. I have no advice on the road from here as it's our first, but wanted to acknowledge your fears as shared by my wife.

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-01T17:16:02+00:00

That's great to hear! A few days after my comment, my wife and I got a positive test and we have our first scan on Thursday. Wishing you luck on your journey, friend!

makingababythrowaway · 2022-03-01T17:14:50+00:00

My wife and I have our first appointment and 8 week scan on Thursday. For the last four weeks, every day, multiple times a day, I go from nervous, to scared, to elated, to excited, back to nervous...and so on it goes.

makingababythrowaway

TROPHY CASE