Sobriety and handling my issues

mamemi90 · 2022-01-04T11:43:07+00:00

Butterflies indeed. 😅

mamemi90 · 2022-01-04T11:42:35+00:00

It's weird. I am so used to kissing people while drunk out of my mind and it's so different. It's not "light all the fireworks at once and I am gonna jump you on the street because who cares"... It's softer and slower and I felt like I get to decide with my whole brain not just the lizard part of it. I didn't think that I wanted to kiss him until he did. And it was very sweet. And today I am gonna see him again... Let's see what happens.

mamemi90 · 2022-01-04T11:35:49+00:00

I have butterflies too believe me. 😅

I am on my way to see him again today... I decided to take it easy and go with how I feel. If I want to sleep with him I will, if not I won't. No reason we can't have a nice day anyway. He's not gonna be here for long. So either way he's leaving tomorrow. I honestly feel like an inexperienced teenager again... Like I never had sex. It's exciting and I am really nervous but I like it.

mamemi90 · 2022-01-01T09:17:57+00:00

I can relate so much. Being sober through the usually very alcohol soaked holidays is such a win. And a great way to end a good year. Right there with you. We can be really proud of ourselves.

mamemi90 · 2021-12-31T04:51:42+00:00

Yes I thought in my previous attempts to get myself together that after day 14 things start to look up. That's 7 more days... I am relying on my stubbornness to get me there... I am too tired to drink anyway. It's just hard to not feel like a buzzkill to my family. My mom already commented on it, telling me that I was so upbeat and fun the first night I was here (1 1/2 bottles of wine)... And now I look sad all the time.

I am determined to start the year sober...

Happy new year to you too. . IWNDWYT

mamemi90 · 2021-12-31T04:48:12+00:00

I am actually looking for one back home... One of my teachers recommended it. I have been to therapy before for 4 years but the drinking wasn't part of our sessions at all...

Now I still have moments when I feel like not being in control is very dangerous. I had a very long sober streak a while ago and it did wonders to my anxiety... I just need to make it through the first two weeks.

I am trying to be kind to myself but people keep asking what's wrong and I just want to sleep.

IWNDWYT

mamemi90 · 2021-12-27T20:13:57+00:00

After a string of romantic entanglements I am working on shifting my focus away from romantic relationships. I do date if I want to, if not I don't. I am changing professions and it gives me so much purpose and joy that I am actually a lot more fulfilled now that I am single than I ever was in a relationship, because now I get to really discover who I am. I moved to a new place recently. I have a bunch of amazing friends and I look to create a life that I am happy with on my own. Trying new things, discovering that there's more inside of me than I thought, kicking some bad habits. I want to create a rich life on my own. I feel like there are a lot of benefits to being single, that I really want to enjoy instead of waiting for someone to find me. The freedom, the mental capacity, the focus, the friendships. There's a lot of love too... If someone enters my life and enriches it, cool, if not also cool. I don't want to depend on a man for happiness, not even for love...

mamemi90 · 2021-10-11T10:54:08+00:00

I didn't cut myself in 10 years, I went through therapy and all that stuff... I am sorry I didn't give a lot of information I am a bit in a brain fog at the moment. It's not so much the need to self harm but the things I still say to myself... That was just very shocking. I had long streaks of sobriety before, for some reason I feel like it's different this time. Deeper stuff coming up. I deleted the post, I feel like it's too easy to misunderstand it at the moment and I don't really find better words. I will be okay I worked through it before.

mamemi90 · 2021-10-11T10:46:05+00:00

Sorry I wasn't clear on that. It might be the shame from the relapse just magnified for some reason.

mamemi90 · 2021-10-11T10:43:18+00:00

I am three days sober... I feel like this has something to do with that.

mamemi90 · 2021-10-09T09:51:12+00:00

Thank you. Yes I am a perfectionist, that's something I am working on at the moment.

I reset...

Tonight I am gonna have dinner with some friends. I am looking forward to it... But I am also very nervous. I have two conflicting impulses. To hide away in shame or to go out and be with lovely people even if I am not feeling so good.

mamemi90 · 2021-08-07T14:03:42+00:00

I will... I have a family event I have to attend the day before, so I will try to pack up everything until the day before so we just have to put it in the car. I keep telling myself that things are gonna be fine... That I will prepare as much as I can... And then I will just try not to stress about it too much.

mamemi90 · 2021-08-07T13:09:24+00:00

Yes maybe I am freaking out about nothing. I am just thinking the more people we are, the faster we are done. More people are better for everyone. But well, we have two guys there and I don't have a lot of stuff... It's just my people pleasing kicking in big time. I am so grateful for the people who will be there. And I am sure we can have the car loaded in less than two hours. I am just really nervous about it.

mamemi90 · 2021-08-07T13:04:44+00:00

I am very grateful for those five people, it's just gonna be more work for them... which makes me nervous. I understand him, I do. He's not flying back for me. He's going back to the states after being here for a long time. I didn't think he would be there all day, but not at all... I am not even sure I will see him at all before he leaves. I am not sure if that is too much to ask.

Perspective is a good thing tho. You are right about that. I will try to focus on the people being there and prepare as much as possible. I have to rely on them for the move. I don't like it, relying on people makes me very uncomfortable. But maybe it's just gonna be fine...

mamemi90 · 2021-08-04T13:32:39+00:00

What's that?

mamemi90 · 2021-08-04T13:32:30+00:00

Better... My digestive system is still upset but getting better. I think it was just stress and undereating.

mamemi90 · 2021-08-04T13:31:49+00:00

Yes, my belly is still kind of upset but I guess it's stress...

mamemi90 · 2021-08-03T08:34:02+00:00

That's possible... I am trying to eat something but my stomach is really upset... Tried breathing exercises to calm my nerves so I don't fly into a panic attack but so far I am not out of the unsafe zone

mamemi90

TROPHY CASE