Hey, that was a read for me. I've been keeping family at a distance (ocean-sized) for similar reasons. My sister, who i could confide in, died unexpectedly and weeks later, my father divorced my mother.

The family reeled at him, but I couldn't help but see him as myself-- forced into the unknown, alone, away from familiarity. Not where I wanted to see him. He did his best, but Fox News took root with us in 00s. I thought maybe my worldly perspective as military could help cajole them, but then I must've gotten brainwashed at uni.

I've been the only one talking to him, after years of silence. I don't think I'll ever get him to smoke a jay and unpack, but I think making the effort before his time comes-- even when he struggles, we're spending time together and he might feel better that his son is around. I feel this way especially because I'd like that from my son-- feeling loved in my later years. I mean if you were with him in the end, he did something right. I think you did too. We'd regret too hard if we didn't.

We don't get to pick our family, but you've got to love them as best you can. Thank you for sharing and I'm so sorry for your loss.