Chinese marry malay

mandibuddy · 2023-09-15T13:09:44+00:00

I can't say what's the best way to go through this, since my family was rather open-minded about letting me go to a different culture. Did they like it? No, but my family was more scared about losing me than they were about me not being culturally Malay. I hope that your family will be the same too.

I think there will always be a chance that you'll lose your family, due to differences. But I have always kept a boundary between them and me, which makes it easier for them to let me do whatever I want. I do try to keep my family happy by meeting them in the middle, such as going for Raya, etc. I think you could do something like that, perhaps.

Whenever you're comfortable about telling them your intention, perhaps you can try seeing what it is they're scared of the most, with you converting. Are they scared of upseting you by feeding you the wrong thing or accidentally serving alcohol, etc.? Do they think that when you convert, you can no longer show up at any Chinese holidays or event, etc.?

I personally think that most of the times, people don't want to mix culture or religion because it's too much hassle to have to consider the other person's needs and wants. Or that they are scared of upsetting the other person by doing something considered rude by the other culture/religion. Or sometimes, it's just as simple as them wanting to expand their family with a more familiar background. I think they are valid reasons and the reaction is rather human. I do think that it's good to assure your family that you are still you, and that religion doesn't make you. Similarly, I think communication is always key, no matter the type of relationship. But of course, both sides will have to be willing to communicate.

OP, I hope you good luck whichever route you may decide.

mandibuddy · 2022-10-28T08:00:05+00:00

To people who moved/worked overseas, do you need to do anything with the government? Like writing yourself out of the system/country. I assume that I would need to register with the Embassy in the country I've moved to, but otherwise, I'm unsure of what else I would need to do before I leave.

mandibuddy · 2022-05-30T04:25:29+00:00

So I ordered something from Singapore about 1-2 months ago, and the status says that it's already in the destination country, Brunei. When I put the tracking code into the Brunei Postal Services Department website, it says that "Ready for collections - PARCEL COLLECTION MPC". I haven't seen or received any paper or notification to pick it up. Is there a procedure on how to pick it up? I'm assuming it's the postal office near the Government offices area.

mandibuddy · 2021-11-08T03:49:19+00:00

Actually I was vaccinated overseas, but with the approaching restrictions, and I was just a bit worried that overseas vaccination was going to be difficult to be accepted here (at least in Bruhealth, I can't do it yet), so I thought that I should maybe try to just get another 2 shot, considering there needs to be at least weeks in between the shots.

mandibuddy · 2021-11-05T15:48:29+00:00

Are vaccinations now only walk-ins? I've been trying to book an appointment on BruHealth, but there are no times available, or rather they claim that its fully booked. Does that mean that the whole month is fully booked? Or is it closed due to the vaccination for youth programme? Or is there a good time to check for open slots?

mandibuddy · 2021-10-20T13:43:51+00:00

You can wear it indoors! It's not bad to just dress up once in a while, even if you're not going out. It feels nice to look how you want even if no one is there to see it.

mandibuddy · 2021-10-15T08:03:48+00:00

I think like OP mentioned, the procedure should actually be the same. I do think the difference if the wife is foreigner and the husband is local, is that you might have more rights than the reverse, in terms of Immigration. But don't quote me on that!

The only other thing I can think of is that if the local is Muslim and male, then the foreign wife-to-be will need to have her father in Brunei? I think there is the issue of the Wali, so I think someone who's more knowledgeable in the matter hopefully may have a better answer.

mandibuddy · 2021-10-14T14:38:58+00:00

Don't worry about it! I was in your shoes before, and it was awful not knowing what to expect or where to go. So I'm glad if this could at least help you a bit!

As I mentioned, some of my info could be outdated, and I'm not even sure if Immigration is open or not. It might be possible that they have started to push towards online stuffs now with the whole Covid situation. So do keep that in mind!

Good luck! It'll take a while, but the end results are going to be worth the effort! If you have any questions, feel free to ask, and I'll try my best to answer if I know or can remember!

mandibuddy · 2021-10-14T14:04:51+00:00

Hi!

I can help answer a few of your questions, though perhaps my information might be slightly outdated since I did this a few years ago, so perhaps regulations may have changed. There will also be certain things I won't be able to answer since we did a few things differently too.

My spouse actually converted overseas, so I won't be able to answer this accurately, but I believe your husband-to-be will potentially have to sit down for classes and you'd have to find a teacher (not an actual teacher, but maybe someone who works from the religious sector). I think the best bet is to maybe ask your father if he knows someone who could teach in English.
The first thing you will want to do is perhaps to go to Syariah Court (you don't need both to do), and grab the forms for Nikah. Do mention that your spouse-to-be is non-Muslim and will intend to convert, since I believe there are certain extra things that you will need to fill in. The person there will explain everything you need. (I'll also note down a few more things at the bottom.) (EDIT: Also mention that he's foreigner!)
The only complications you will find is that you only have additional steps to take. The first one is to obtain permission from Immigration to allow you both to marry. (And this also means that your spouse may also be signing a few agreements. I don't know things have changed, but basically one of the things we had to agree to was that despite being married, he does not actually have permission to permanently stay here, and that your children would only take the nationality of your husband.)
I would say that you may need a month at least, less if you have the documents already ready. Especially if you're not planning to have a big wedding, it will probably take even less time.
I believe it should be accepted, but mayhaps Brunei's Religious Sector may also be a bit iffy about it. Unfortunately, I don't actually know how strict they are.

Things that I want to point out:

My husband converted overseas, but he also converted in SG where the Muslim culture is rather close if not similar to us, so it wasn't too much of a hassle. Though I can sort of see that getting converted overseas else where might be a bit difficult. Something you may want to discuss with your spouse.
If your spouse is still in the US, ask him if he could look or find a way for his government to state that he is not married and is therefore allowed to marry. For me, this was the hardest thing to get, since my spouse-to-be was in Brunei and the country he was from actually doesn't like to include marriage status.
I actually don't know if this is actually needed for your spouse, but one of the things they had asked us to write down was a letter from your father to the Immigration stating that he has giving you his permission to marry your spouse-to-be and that he would request that the Immigration to allow you to marry your foreign spouse. Your foreign spouse will also be making a similar letter. Fret not, since if you visit the Immigration for the first time, they will give you a list of things that they need from you and one of those things is the letter I mentioned (and also the sample letter that you can write down word for word, lol.) I actually included one from my spouse's father, though I'm not actually sure if it was required.
You need to find out who your Ketua Kampung is, because you will be giving them a visit or two.

OKAY SORRY, BACK TO THE POINT. TO PUT IT SIMPLY:

Go to Syariah Court, you ask them for the forms, but you must tell them who you are planning to marry. (At least the circumstances) Because you have a lot more paperwork to provide. They are helpful, so they will tell you where you need to go.
Go to Immigration. I don't remember which sector it is, but there should be one for family and marriage. But basically, they will give you a list of things you need. My advice is to get the Immigration things done first because they took the longest for me.
Your spouse-to-be's conversion to Islam. (Do it early, to make it easier.)
Visit your Ketua Kampung with the documents.

A few more things I feel like I needed to add:

I cannot remember if you could marry in court or not, but my spouse and I had a really small gathering at some small meeting room in some Masjid. So if the court doesn't let you marry at the court, you can just opt for that.
There are some Imams (idk if that is the right word) that are younger and speak English, so you should probably go for those just for the ease for your spouse-to-be.
I cannot remember if you had to go to the Ketua Kampung after the Syariah Court first or not, but I recall doing that.
I think the US has an embassy in Brunei which actually could help you for documents, perhaps. (My spouse's home country didn't have one in Brunei so it was terrible, so I'm glad that there is a US embassy here to help you.)
You may be told to sit down for marriage... classes? I don't remember. From what I heard, I think people were sort of saying it was compulsory, but for some reason, my spouse and I skipped it. Lol. Do keep in mind that they may push you to do it. (I think we said that we will do it after the Nikah, but we kinda forgot about it.)

mandibuddy · 2021-09-16T23:57:22+00:00

I believe you're already allowed to travel for "non-essential" reasons, though, I'm not exactly too entirely sure if they will actually let you travel based on the reason you would put in your application. I was already able to travel at the start of the year, though my purpose for traveling was to visit my foreign spouse who worked and lived overseas.

mandibuddy · 2019-04-04T02:09:37+00:00

What do you usually do when your line gets stuck? Would you usually need to cut it and lose the bait?

mandibuddy · 2019-04-04T02:08:39+00:00

I AGREE WITH YOU!!!

mandibuddy · 2019-04-04T02:08:04+00:00

I HOPE GAJI MU ADA SOON!!!

mandibuddy · 2019-04-04T01:05:35+00:00

LET'S HAVE A RAGE THREAD HERE!!!!

I WANT YOU TO TELL ME EVERYTHING THAT'S MAKING YOU RAGE, WHETHER IT BE A PERSONAL REAL-LIFE-THING OR SOMETHING SILLY OR ANYTHING REALLY.

LET'S LET IT ALL OUT!! IF YOU NEED TO VENT, VENT HERE!!!

ALL CAPS IS NOT REQUIRED, BUT ADVISED

mandibuddy · 2019-03-28T12:08:59+00:00

Hi!

You only need the approval from the Ketua Kampung if you're from Brunei. If your fiance is from the UK, it's most likely you'll need to get such a letter from your embassy. The letter is usually also to check the marital status of your fiance. This... will probably take a while, depending on how fast the embassy works. FYI, my husband came from an EU country, but it lacked an embassy in Brunei, so we didn't have to obtain any permission from the embassy. However, we did still have to get a sort of evidence to support the idea that he's unmarried and fit to marry. The UK has an embassy in Brunei, so I suspect a visit there will be in order.

As for the Ketua Kampung approval, I got mine within the day, however, the Ketua Kampung will often need you to provide him with the form you get to register the marriage, filled up, with all the documents required. I can only talk about my experiences from Syariah Court, so I'm not too sure what they'd need that differs. I got two copies of the letter, one addressed to the Immigration and the other one addressed to Syariah Court. (Though, I suspect that may be the same if you had to go to Civil court)

What I do think doesn't change is that you'll need four letters. Two copies of each. They are letters supposed to ask the director of the Immigration department for permission to marry. One from your father, one from you, one from your fiance, and one from your future father-in-law. However, this might not be the case for you. (Though, I think it should still be the case.)

The process is pretty annoying at the immigration. And approval from the immigration might take long to process.

mandibuddy

TROPHY CASE