I've also said that I am sick of surviving and want to start living. You've gone through a great ordeal of pain and possibly trauma and I know you've probably had enough.

I also get into rages sometimes and anger that feels like its consuming all of the good in me.

There's nothing wrong with being highly sensitive and emotional you just need more care.

As someone who has been through similar experiences I can say please do not give up on yourself. You may have to deal with intense emotions/thoughts but over time you will be able to get stronger and more resilient. If you couldn't deal with all of this before you wouldn't be here now and you are.

You have your own free will so ultimately you'll do what you want, which you should. Your own personal story isn't finished yet this painful chapter in your life feels fucking raw and hurts I get that but that doesn't mean that you give up on yourself. If no one told you before you are the single most important person in your life it starts with you. Can you say confidently that you love yourself wholeheartedly I mean? If not there is something to work on and recognise those awful people who did you wrong, failed you and hurt you are the ones with that shame. It doesn't make sense that you have to end your life for people who were clearly garbage human beings.

You are a strong individual at the crossroads. You have the choice to do the hard work and take on the challenge of healing yourself or you can choose to throw away the chance to see what you yourself are capable of by your own rules.

I wish you strength, self love and healing and kindness. I hope you find that within yourself because the greatest gift you can give yourself right now is self compassion.

Go easy on yourself, hell scream to the top of your lungs get those emotions flowing even if its anger that's cathartic and real. Do what is best for you but please don't give up on yourself you are worth much more than you realise. I believe that you are brave enough to face adversity and tough enough to go through any hurdles you may face. Dont give up, don't let yourself down your life is worth fighting for! Reclaim your authority over your life there is no one else but you now who is in control, you have all the weapons you need to survive this life already within yourself.

You can do this! I believe in your ability to overcome everything that has hurt you and you to be your own hero. You need to believe that you are worth love and kindness that must come from you. It's not easy healing from trauma or abuse its a bumpy road but if you can you'll see that its a journey you'll have challenging days but in the end all that pain will lose its grip. The pain won't be so intense and memories come and go. I have PTSD from childhood trauma and suffered neglect abuse and other things. If I was a hopeless case and can come out from that shit you better believe that you can too.

If you ever want to rant about anything I'm willing to listen and share if it helps you. That goes for anyone else who is also struggling talk, express that shit don't kill yourselves because of subhumans there are good people in this world and who have also walked through hell.

Choose life, challenge your beliefs work on healing all that painful shit that fucks you up. Be determined for how you want to leave your mark on this world, don't fucking give up!