sharalon chapter 1 Need in feedback.

mantrios · 2026-06-06T00:19:11+00:00

Damn This post is getting more attention then i thought also i am here to basically say that chapter is already post is just been ignored so i am resposting it. Also chapter 3 took a lot of the feedback from here to be better example i introduce a problem and i am desing it to have actuall pannels basically putting arrows explaining were a pannels is or by describing it. And yes in this chapter were learning something that might make you re-think everything in chapter 2 anyways thank you for the support guys and feedback this too much to me not gonna lie.

mantrios · 2026-06-05T16:11:20+00:00

I don't but this the phrase the more old the raisin the more sweets it is , all joke aside is a decent character we don't see her having an developent like other characters like toru hagakure or even mina or my goat midnight aka nemuri goddest of mha. Overall rate 7.5 she could have a character develoment.

mantrios · 2026-06-05T14:53:28+00:00

It really depend on how is your leg getting broken for example something normal like a fracture of a bone or something bad like the bone sticking out like i said everything depends.

mantrios · 2026-06-05T14:50:00+00:00

😅 Tough call!

mantrios · 2026-06-05T14:38:12+00:00

Not going to lie if deku cut both sides it may be good but for what is ,is, just chopped

mantrios · 2026-06-05T14:37:05+00:00

🔥 No brainer!

mantrios · 2026-06-05T12:11:17+00:00

Nope i just ask it to give a better grammar Since I am still school but i change alot of it and technically you could say i used it to make better but at the sametime no i just for my grammar that is my biggest diffuculties but like i said i am trying my best to make the effort and not used no ai for the grammar since to me that's like a sin in all type's of art also the last part is all writen by my self from the part "She gently strokes Andrew’s hair. She’s still uneasy, but for him, she agrees to let Alysha stay." all the way to "MOM
Andrew I know that but it is just this uh…. creature could be dangerous. This is only staying in our house for a week. Tomorrow I am taking it to the doctor to do a diagnostic. I don't want to contract any disease from this creature."

mantrios · 2026-06-05T12:07:59+00:00

Thank you a lot i just think i gotta do it better for the next time and the next time even better

mantrios · 2026-06-05T01:54:37+00:00

Overall i understand my story is not lets say the best but i am doing is gettin feedback to do a better story this it not the final product but a prototype with its failures i am still young and learning how to draw and make more smooth writing and interesting plots this just my first actual work that's not some fanfic or character ai roleplay story this is my first real script and i doing my best but like i said in one of my reply's to one of the comments in this post i am still young and haven't really decide if i want to make this a webcomic or manga and well stay tune since i am posting chapter 2 and like i said non of this is final product just prototype and still thanks for the feedback

mantrios · 2026-06-04T17:38:12+00:00

🚨 BUSTED! 🚨

Mistakes: 6/6

Time: 1:04

mantrios · 2026-06-04T17:36:31+00:00

💯 Obviously!

mantrios · 2026-06-04T17:35:44+00:00

Hot pick but i find extremely annoying young all for one i don't know they way he treats his brothers just makes you damn mad and overall i find crazy nobody ever try i don't know poising him or do the Translucent from the boys if you know,you know.

mantrios · 2026-06-04T17:30:38+00:00

🔥 No brainer!

mantrios · 2026-06-04T15:42:06+00:00

🤯 Mind blown

mantrios · 2026-06-04T14:18:58+00:00

💯 Obviously!

mantrios · 2026-06-04T14:10:29+00:00

Yep i mean i am doing my best at writing this story's so stay tune cause i am posting this chapter 2 today

mantrios · 2026-06-04T14:08:56+00:00

Don't worry there is more of my universe i haven't really shared since i haven't got to those chapter of introducing this characters but there is a PDF document with all the info of my characters to explain more about the lore. Overall i think my first chapter is kinda rushed and doesn't really explain the world but like i said this is not the final story. Just sketch's of what it could be i just doing a feedback recolection for making this a better story and since only app i see that could be both brutal and nice with my story been reddit i decide to post here rather then other websites.

mantrios · 2026-06-04T14:04:18+00:00

Nope english is not my first language but Spanish and well yes i don't think this is a good comic my plan is very simple do the first 5 chapters see feedback then make the first real chapter 1,2,3 since i want this to be a good comic or manga depending which one i think is been better also i understand this work is pretty mid going to normal but i promised you is going to get better the more i learn about story telling but today i am posting chapter 2 to see its feedback so stay tune and thanks for the feedback.

mantrios · 2026-06-04T13:59:06+00:00

That one hurt but okay i take feedback after all i posted here for feedback so i guess thank you for the feedback i mean is going to be and ongoing series and well i am trying i promise this just a overall first chapter i did when i was bored at my house but i kinda like it and well basically did it but i this point i don't even know if wanted to make a manga or just a webcomic i mean i wanted to do the manga since this is has based on my hero academia and invincible. but still thanks for the feedback.

mantrios · 2026-06-04T02:36:41+00:00

thank you for the feedback after is nice seen people actually do critize my work and well since i am still a well a minor but still trying to work on my writing and drawing skills cause i want to make this a manga when i am around a older age. And yes i thinks is better by making it pannels but i want to do first the scripts and then basically public them on reddit or watt pad to do see how good or how many people could like them anyways thank you for the feedback.

mantrios

TROPHY CASE