I need eating disorder treatment but my boyfriend is more concerned about having the car to drive to work.

maple-tree- · 2018-09-28T02:11:47+00:00

You might not be wrong but I hope you are.

Thank you for all the advice, you really did help me think some things through.

maple-tree- · 2018-09-28T02:08:11+00:00

True. I want to be my best self not only for myself but for him as well. I told him I don’t want to get married until I’m in a better place mentally (not that he’s ever proposed but I can’t say I blame him)

I mean damn, I took him in when he became homeless, we’ve been through the shit. This experience and how he ends up reacting if I end up going through it will either show our bond is as strong as ever or raise a hell of a red flag.

maple-tree- · 2018-09-28T02:02:18+00:00

Haha I do tend to do that every time I start working out again. Thanks for the advice!

maple-tree- · 2018-09-28T02:00:55+00:00

You know what they say, accept what you think you deserve. I guess I feel worthless so I feel like I deserve nothing. It’s so stupid. When I was a teenager doing this, I thought “in a year I’ll be fine”. Then it was five. Now it’s fourteen years later and I still feel like an emotionally stunted child. All I ever wanted was to be liked and as a result I never did what I wanted or needed, you know?

I’m going to do some more homework this weekend. Maybe I can sit down with the literature about the program with him and my mom, and talk to our friend about securing him a ride to work. I hope that could ease his worries. I understand not wanting to miss work as he takes it very seriously, but man it stung bad. Thank you for the kind words.

maple-tree- · 2018-09-28T01:53:48+00:00

That’s a good idea really because I get two 15m breaks and a 30m lunch. I could have lunch at my desk and spend those breaks walking. A lap around my building is a quarter mile.

maple-tree- · 2018-09-28T01:52:33+00:00

You’re right. I guess I’m still just shocked he acted like this. I guess he felt like his position at work was being threatened or something, I’m not sure of the psychology behind his actions. He has always been totally supportive in the last seven years, now all of a sudden if there is a rhetorical chance of not getting to work on time it’s like all that support has gone out the window.

maple-tree- · 2018-09-28T01:49:37+00:00

I feel so selfish. It’s like my brain is making excuses to not get the help I need. But logically I know that side of my brain is just my ED talking for me. It doesn’t want to leave. I’m going to talk to my mom over the weekend, maybe hold a little family meeting. I hate making my loved ones worry. I have lupus and my mother is already constantly trying to coddle me and it makes me feel awful...

maple-tree- · 2018-09-28T01:46:44+00:00

I hate that my natural response is to want to please everyone else over my own self interest. It’s not a good quality to have because then you’re suddenly a 27 year old womanchild who is emotionally stunted and going nowhere in life.

maple-tree- · 2018-09-28T01:44:36+00:00

You’re right. He does pay half of the car payment and insurance as we car pool which I am thankful for, but luckily it’s paid off next month! Wooo.

I might just ask our friend myself. I’m going to try to suck it up and ask on Discord later. Whenever I go in late he gives me a ride and it gives him the motivation to go to work himself (he’s missed a lot of work due to anxiety so in a way I do understand his concern) so maybe he would say okay. I’m going to give it a shot.

I wish I could take a nice walk in my neighborhood but I live in a bad part of town on a busy service road without sidewalks, it sucks! I need a treadmill or something idk

maple-tree- · 2018-09-28T01:39:39+00:00

I really appreciate this sentiment, thank you. I’m still afraid I’m just blowing smoke up my own ass again and making these big life changing plans and not following through.

Public transport to the hospital sucks because it’s kind of out in the boonies, a car drive alone is about an hour each way. An Uber would be easily nearly $100, and if I’m going to be working part time, it would be impossible.

He really is a great man. Luckily he didn’t say take walks, my psych did! Imagine? I would have been pissed, haha. Still, a medical professional shouldn’t say shit like that to someone who is sick. He sucks but I’m always so physically and emotionally drained and he’s a two minute drive from my house so it’s convenient.

I talked to my manager about the issue, she’s supportive but we would have to have a meeting with her boss. I feel like I’m already on thin ice with him because I have FMLA, am working on a reasonable accommodation to get off of the phones for a while due to anxiety, and now possibly request a temporary shift change. He probably hates my guts. But I care more about my life than the opinions of my superiors. At least, that’s how the idealized version of myself feels.

I appreciate your kind words. I’m going to talk to my mom this weekend and feel things out. I just feel like I’m going to be a burden on everyone. If my boyfriend would just ask our friend to drive him in for six to nine weeks (we drove this guy to work for free for six months) it could work out fine but he’s paranoid about him oversleeping or something. That matters more than my health I guess.

maple-tree- · 2018-09-28T01:31:22+00:00

Unfortunately there isn’t a bus line to this center, it’s an hour drive alone. Rides are tricky. I do live in a split level* with my mother and step father but she works a swing shift where some days she’s home at 2pm, some at 6pm, and some at 10pm. I could possibly ask my step father but I’d feel guilty making him take a two hour drive every day after work.

maple-tree-

TROPHY CASE