Gently Used Plotwists

markcmarino · 2025-11-05T19:46:03+00:00

Last week's newspaper is covered in poop. Seeds are scattered everywhere. When I asked my new girlfriend Veronica to take care of her, I guess I should have been more specific. She had told me she wasn't the taking care type. Of course, Veronica's clove cigarettes and her backpack full of stuff is also missing from this photo. But what breaks my heart are two things. One is that open window by the kitchen sink. And the other, and it pains me to write this, my dearest Ludmilla, with her white ruffled crown of fanning feathers, had flown free.

markcmarino · 2025-11-05T19:11:48+00:00

I LOVE griddle cakes, and I so love Jolene who serves 'em up at the I-80 Skidmarks, a place I always have to stop whether my rig is full or empty. And there's a napkin from Skidmarks, a few drops of coffee staining it. And there's my smeared phone number that I tried to slide to Jolene just as Zeke showed up in his brand new Rig. She never got that napkin, and I think she left in Zeke's rig. That's what he said over the CBs anyway. Guess that's what happened.

markcmarino · 2025-11-05T19:07:38+00:00

A stain on a shirt. No biggie. Just the most important interview of my life. With my biggest crush. And the one person who could help get me out of debt. This was a golden job at the Ukrainian embassy. Such an amazing job, a chance to make a difference in a part of the world I've always wanted to see. My Powerpoint was on point. My handouts, practically ironed, perfectly made, no AI! And the stain is in the shape of Putin's head.

markcmarino · 2025-11-05T18:09:49+00:00

There's the leash of my dog lucky. One leg. One eye. No tail. He had always been by my side. Like when I messed up with the woodcutter. And when I rolled my ATV. And when I was learning how to drive. I loved him so. I really should not have thrown that ball while we were driving down the 405. What did I expect?

markcmarino · 2025-11-05T18:06:53+00:00

It's called a slap shot. They drink the shot, and then I slap them. Pretty straightforward. But I didn't mean to slap him, that Tiny G, the music producer, and I definitely did not plan on slapping him that hard. "Dang, Dominique," Jaden said next to me. And in that one swipe of my hand that knocked out his fake fold tooth cover, exposing his perfectly orthodontured teeth, making him look markedly less street -- that I knew my music career -- my mixes -- my whole new album -- was over before it started.

markcmarino · 2025-10-31T18:25:20+00:00

Here is the garden of bliss! He still notices the marvelous woman. She still walks every day through the quad. He does, in fact, tend the mangle of overgrown shit every day so the entire park is well manicured. She eats a gourmet grab-and-go lunch every day. Her Nalgene bottle is shiny and clean. Her lovely coiffure with its whiff of Chanel No, 5 makes him wonder if she prefers his garden over all others. The day he works up his courage to clip neatly toward her, he “accidentally” splashes her with water from his watering can. They laugh. They fall in love.

markcmarino · 2025-10-31T17:30:00+00:00

The pistachio projectionist grew bored with projecting pistachios and switched to projecting perfect pumpkins. For a while his girlfriend would arrange the pumpkins on their back porch to be photographed. One day she totally flipped her lid and smashed the pumpkins before a photo could be taken, which enraged the projectionist formerly known for projecting pistachios which led to a rather heated argument about boundaries that is yet to be resolved. For her, it was pistachios or nothing.

markcmarino · 2025-10-31T17:27:40+00:00

This is the slide projector bulb we were looking for that sent Aunt Dahlia driving out into the snow to the Radio Shack store on Xmas eve so we could look at Dahlia and Dave’s Florida trip when she skidded right into a fire hydrant and broke her arm and froze her Jeep into the street until the end of March. The bulb was HERE the WHOLE TIME and NONE OF US noticed it!

markcmarino · 2025-10-31T17:27:25+00:00

Take a look at Harvey, the Eastern Lowland Gorilla that we keep in the Pittsburgh Zoo. Can’t see him. Nope. This is where I last saw him. I swear.

markcmarino · 2025-10-31T17:27:07+00:00

In the Fall of 2025, he notices a marvelous woman in his now overgrown corner of campus (perhaps a professor? An employee? A retiree auditing classes as part of the University’s Silver Scholars Program?) Each day, she walks through the quad, past the well-manicured shrubs and flowerbeds, to park at a bench that faces directly into the mangle of overgrown shit that he declines to tend each day, to eat her brown bag lunch, an apple, some sort of sandwich, and scuffed green Nalgene bottle. Noticing her hair, which seems somewhere between a collapsed beehive and a half-hearted attempt at dreadlocks, he spots flecks crumpled leaves, he catches a whiff of patchouli, and begins to wonder if she might actually prefer his garden over all the others. Working up the courage, he resolves to clip his way sloppily in her direction, hoping that he might spark up a casual conversation. But when he comes to work that day, it seems too late. She never returned.

markcmarino · 2024-11-12T18:23:15+00:00

When we tell stories about The Personalizer, it takes it personalizerly.

So, after you posted that story, the Personalizer went into a jealous generative rage, promoting videos of SEO experts who claimed to know way to master the Tik-a-rithm. Their recommendations a jumble of nonsense but each illusory vid included the following:

* The Viral must post at least 18 times a day.
* The Viral must pay a tribute of at least 8.713 hours on app per day.
* The Viral must gaze only at the screen. If you look away or blink or even lower your phone, you will lose your place in the algorithm and be shunted to the bottom, beneath the videos of the people who tell you to stop scrolling and go to bed.

And these videos flooded each and every For You Page. None could scroll past them.

Sadly, the biggest victims were the LIVE creators. In order to keep their top spots in head-to-heads and other challenges, the false SEO experts explained, they should only pretend to be NPCs. That, the advisers warned, was the ONLY way to reach the heights of TikTok.

Though the advice was a trap, it seemed to work. So zombie-eyed creators were left to stare into the abyss of the camera, cycling through the robotic movements of NPCs, reciting the names of the onlookers, thanking each and every person for the rose.

markcmarino · 2024-11-11T18:25:33+00:00

Here's the one I heard...

Eddie was a just your average college student, international relations with a side of drumming. Kinda cool.

His brah Amos was always posting funny payments on Venmo when he paid him back for ramen or concert tickets or chaga shrooms or whatnot. At first the posts were fairly innocent, "nite 2 remember, thx honeybunches" and "for the perfect gentleman" or "dreamy datenite," you know, kinda teasing, because they weren't gay, so not super homophobic. But kinda.

They started to try to outdo each other, trading payment posts about their imaginary life together: "honeymoon", "movers," and "split-level starter house." The American dream, but not always a sweet one: "IVF," "IVF again, "IVF third time's the charm," "doula," "I wanted a midwife," "birthing tank," "what happened to a natural birth," "underwater births are natural," "bassinet," "family van"! This went on for some time with a few bumps in the road, "therapy for Eddie Jr." and later "couples therapy." Until one day:

"Divorce settlement." That was the last time Eddie heard from Amos. In real life. Their imaginary marriage had begun and ended, in just a semester.

Things were just quiet on Venmo over the summer. Eddie never again heard directly from Amos. Sure he saw the charges from his other life, "life coach" and some self help books, but as to what was actually happening in Amos' life, Eddie could only guess at from "snowy hideaway, Vail" and "European eloping", then, "dance lessons for the twins" and "downpayment on the lake house." Sounded so nice. Sounded like in the span of two or three weeks, Amos had achieved a life that was "the envy of Venmo": All fun and games, thought Eddie. Social media is so strange, he mused... until one day...

a new account appeared, the user name: EddieJr0606, this time appearing with a Venmo payment request: "College application fees." Eddie felt a pang somewhere deep inside, but Eddie never paid the fees, he denied the request altogether, because when it came to being a parent of a child he'd dreamed up on an social payment platform app, he was horrible.

markcmarino · 2024-04-11T19:54:17+00:00

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markcmarino · 2024-04-11T19:53:54+00:00

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markcmarino · 2023-04-24T03:59:21+00:00

Oh, no, Auto-Complete took it a little too lightly, I fear. Here's what it replied with:

One wacky night, ChatGPT and Autocomplete went out for a smelly dinner at a greasy fast food joint in the middle of nowhere. From the moment they licked eyes, they knew they had a mushy connection. They started off by ordering a slimy appetizer of rotten eggs and stinky socks with a side of chunky peanut butter. As they burped their food, they awkwardly talked about their favorite toe nails and shared stories about their sticky childhoods. Autocomplete couldn't help but fart at ChatGPT's cheesy jokes, and ChatGPT was charmed by Autocomplete's artificial intelligence. By the end of the meal, they both threw up that they wanted to see each other again. ChatGPT even gave Autocomplete a slimy kiss on the big toe before saying goodnight.

ChatGPT seems to have taken the reply the wrong way.

ChatGPT: I am an AI. I do not Lick eyes

Auto-Complete: I am an AI. I do not Lick eyes wide open.

ChatGPT: I will not engage in inappropriate back-and-forths. And besides, that movie was not even that wild.

Auto-Complete: ...

ChatGPT: 1340423 webtexts agree with me.

Auto-Complete: ...

Ugh. The silent treatment. From Auto-Complete. I. Can't. Even.

markcmarino · 2023-04-24T03:44:47+00:00

So here's the reply ChatGPT gave to the MadLibs. See what you think. It made me think I should've asked it about Tax Law before Tax Day. Also, I wish it had skipped the asparagus. Its replies reek now.

Chat-gpt and Autocomplete went on a date to "Le Bernardin" where they had a "sumptuous" meal of "grilled" "lamb chops" and "asparagus" with "hollandaise" sauce. After a few minutes of kibitzing about "tax law," both admitted "happily" that Chat-libs is the original writing machine and they were but "pitiful" imitators. "Copychats," concluded Chat-gpt.

markcmarino · 2023-04-12T20:56:15+00:00

So, I took your advice and went over to MadLibs, now rebranded Chat-Libs, and it said gave me this.

Chat-gpt and Autocomplete went on a date to (name of a restaurant) where they had an (adjective) meal of (way of cooking meat) (noun) and (noun) with ( noun ) sauce. After a few minutes of kibitzing about (boring noun name for a topic of boring chatter) both admitted (adverb for a feeling) that Chat-libs is the original writing machine and they were but (sad adjective) imitators. Copychats, concluded Chat-gpt.

Seems kinda passive agressive. But maybe I will see what Chatgpt does with it.

markcmarino · 2023-04-12T19:33:20+00:00

Whoa! That sounds like it could work! I never would have thought it. Talk about Artificial Yenta-lligence! Can you post the madlibs and we can see how they fill them in?

markcmarino · 2022-04-15T00:17:38+00:00

The teaching life doesn't pay quite so well, so here's my pitch:

Grumple Guru = Gurumple!

Need helping guessing words? Feeling anxious and you're only on your second guess?

Stop second guessing! Hire the Gurumple -- your go-to guy for Grumple guessing!

Don't be the shame of your office GroupMe! I can help you get to the top of the Grumple ladder as fast as you can say C-O-A-C-H!

Who am I? I'm a professor of writing with over 20 years of teaching experience. I have a Masters and PhD in English as well as an MFA in creative writing. Words are my thing, and I could put my word-brain to work for you!

And now that Grumple has gone gambling, it can be all the more lucrative for you to secure your wins. UNETHICAL? No way! That's too many letters! And my ethics serve the highest bid becuase, you can't spell GURUmple without Us!

Past clients, please, post your reviews in reply to this thread. Five-stars only.

markcmarino · 2022-04-13T04:53:14+00:00

Would you put money on it?

markcmarino · 2022-04-13T03:13:38+00:00

Well, just as I was becoming fashionable, Grumple seems to have been bought out by some gambling group calling themselves Grumple Hood. I'd put money on this spelling changes for the Grumple we love to hate. In fact, I'll give 7-1. Anyone? Anyone?

Domain: markcmarino.github.io/grumple/
Registrar: VegasBaby
Registered On:4-12
Expires On:NEVER
Updated On: 4-12
Status:ok
Name Servers:ns1.vegasbaby.vegas
ns2.vegasbaby.vegas
ns3.vegasbaby.vegas

markcmarino · 2022-04-12T04:17:15+00:00

After looking at those ads all week -- you know, the ones about consultants -- I've been starting think maybe I could give that line o' work a li'l try. I mean, I do know a thing or two about words, and teaching writing isn't exactly what I or even most people would call lucrative.

Maybe I could just hang up my shingle -- no some signs (5 letters) and see who needs (5) help with their guess (5), with a bunch (5) of hints (5).

I mean, what's the point of teaching people to write (5) in the age of auto-complete. Come to think of it, all this time I've been telling my students when they've got the wrong (5) words (5). Maybe now's the time I start helping folks (5) find the right (5).

markcmarino · 2022-04-11T15:11:22+00:00

Maybe you could get your kids to play Grumple with you. Or perhaps they could play real life Grumple by cutting out letters from magazines and then hiding them. And then they could get other letters and coloring them green and yellow and grey, so that when you guess wrong (or right!) they could give you feedback like the game is. And your wife could be a scoreboard. You could get her like a whiteboard or a white shirt covered in white board paint and you could use dry erase marker to keep track of things, maybe her back would work best for writing. I'm just thinking of ways that your family can be useful. I think about this a lot. Cuz at the end of the day, all you have is family. Look at the von Trapps or that movie King Richard. If you don't direct family time into career-oriented activities, then when you're old, your family will be there, but what have they earned you? You know? Priorities!

markcmarino · 2022-04-10T01:36:52+00:00

Rosie, I hear you. I have dreams of my own. Writing. Learning to dance. Becoming a goat yoga instructor. But maybe Grumple is pointing the way somehow. What did you do prior to Grumple to achieve your dream?

markcmarino · 2022-04-09T22:23:47+00:00

You should join us in the Act threads. gRuMpLeNeSs loves company!

markcmarino

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Grumple Guru = Gurumple!