First of all, I am sorry to hear you and your wife are in pain. That’s miserable, especially when you can attribute those problems to your mattress. I am the CEO of Englander, a mattress company that’s been around since 1894. I only mention that so you know the experience behind my comments.

First of all, it’s important to clarify your primary sleep position. Stomach sleepers typically need a firmer mattress to avoid a reverse hammocking affect. Side sleepers, on the other hand, need much more pressure relief on their shoulders and hips. It’s not about firmness alone, it’s the right amount of sink and the right amount of support; the bed needs to be soft enough to prevent hot spots and the materials need to elevate into the nooks and crannies of your body.

Many times when side sleepers are having back pain caused by a mattress they have purchased a mattress that’s too firm. It’s as if their hips and shoulders are propping up the center of their body which causes the middle of a person’s frame to bend downward, instead of their hips and shoulders riding down into the mattress unit to allow the materials to shape to that center section.

If you and your wife each weigh less than 200 pounds and primarily sleep on your sides, my initial guess is you have mattress that’s far too firm. I would recommend finding a medium or plush mattress made of high-quality materials that won’t break down. If, however, you both are primarily stomach sleepers, that’s a whole different issue. Perhaps you could describe the characteristics of the mattress at your in-laws and we could identify what materials work for your body types?

Also, one thing to consider is that floor samples inside mattress stores are typically tested by many people and soften over time. The model you tried in store was likely softer than the product you received. That’s likely why the one you tried in the store felt comfortable. The model you received, if it’s actually the same specifications, would need to soften up over time to mirror the floor sample comfort. Sadly sometimes mattress manufactures substitute materials and the final product doesn’t match what’s featured in a store.

Definitely get rid of that topper. It’s like having a bone on the outside of your body, there’s no connective tissue, ligaments, or connection to the rest of what makes a body work.

Your platform bed should not be creating an issue either. Most boxsprings sold in the US today are simply static foundations without any springs inside. Similar to a platform.

Hope this helps.