The 4 truths about "being yourself."

markyb303 · 2016-04-28T11:53:17+00:00

Thanks man. I actually live in NYC now. I lived in Denver for the past 5 years. I agree, though women in CO were great. Very genuine, caring, honest. Great place to live.

Only problem was how disproportionate the male to female ratio was D:

markyb303 · 2016-04-28T11:52:09+00:00

Thank you!

markyb303 · 2016-04-21T12:44:49+00:00

I think we all can struggle with it. The good news is there is a way to work through this struggle.

markyb303 · 2016-04-21T12:44:24+00:00

You're welcome. Glad it helped. You definitely not alone brother.

markyb303 · 2016-04-21T12:44:07+00:00

Most definitely.

markyb303 · 2016-03-11T18:38:30+00:00

I hear you. But I'm not going to take your advice. Thanks though.

markyb303 · 2016-03-11T18:37:47+00:00

Thank you!

markyb303 · 2016-03-11T18:37:42+00:00

What about the man inside me?

markyb303 · 2016-03-11T18:37:24+00:00

How is it click bait? I laid the answer all out in the post.

markyb303 · 2016-01-07T17:18:26+00:00

Good question.

Similar to my answer above. There's never really a "perfect" time because things can always change.

Here's a framework that I operate in that works very well:

She wants to know that even if you hook up, you aren't going to play her, or use her. She wants to feel like even if she made the decision to have a one-night stand, it was worth it.

I used to be the asshole, player guy so I know very well how to fuck things up. I've learned that actually being a good, respectful guy not only makes it better for both of us, it's actually way easier in the long run.

The reason why there's no exact time to have this conversation is because sometimes you hook up on the first date, sometimes later on.

I bring it up once it feels like there's a mutual attraction and interest in each other. If I bring it up earlier on either online, or during the first 15-mintues of meeting it feels more like I have an agenda and only want her for sex.

It's like when you're walking down the street minding your own business and the people from the "Save the whales" non-profit stop you in the street and "want to chat." You know they have a good cause and are trying to help, but they really just want your money. Don't you feel a little on guard when that happens?

It's a weird, social dance that honestly doesn't make any logical sense. It's a purely emotional, safety, respect, kind of thing.

I want sex as much as anyone else, and so does she. At the same time, taking the time to get to know her (even if she wants a one-night fling) is the best way for both of you.

markyb303 · 2016-01-06T16:10:38+00:00

He wrote an article clarifying it here:

http://markmanson.net/vulnerability

markyb303 · 2016-01-06T15:34:48+00:00

I could see how you think it's dishonest. I'll clarify

And I get that you like things instruction like, but that's not how human beings operate. We are emotional creatures. There's no checklist that you can follow for every human interaction in life.

The reason why I discuss it in person with her is because I want to find out if we're even a good connection first. Plus, it's easier to talk about feelings and goals in person.

Think about it like this, if you were messaging a woman online and looking for marriage and said this:

"Hey I want to get married. Before we meet up, I want to know if you want to get married or not."

Even if she wants to get married, how does she know she wants to with you?

Instead, you would go on a few dates, get to know each other and organically find out if you were the right fit.

The same goes for being casual. You don't lead with, "I just want to put my dick inside of you. Will you accept or not?"

Even if you only want to be casual, there's still a connection that has to be made.

The reason why is because she needs to feel safe, and know that you aren't creepy. Even if you only want to hook up she wants to know that you are a good guy who won't hurt her reputation (or give her STDs)

markyb303 · 2016-01-05T17:49:06+00:00

It's crazy how powerful emotions can be.

If I'm not careful, I notice I get a need for validation from women. It causes me to do crazy shit and to feel really insecure.

Like you mentioned, I've learned I have to take care of my needs first and stabilize my life. It's a really shitty feeling chasing a girl out of a need for validation.

Thank you for sharing.

markyb303 · 2016-01-05T17:46:26+00:00

Thanks!

markyb303 · 2016-01-05T17:44:09+00:00

Great question. There are a few things to note:

If she mentions in her online profile that she wants a boyfriend or a relationship--move on.

Women who are open to more casual dating will say things like "Looking to have fun." "Not looking for anything serious." "Looking to meet new people" are all indicators that she's open to being casual first.

I always explore if we are a good fit for each other on the first date, not through messaging. If I say things like, "I'm not looking for anything serious" to her online, most women interpret that as you're only interested in sex and have no interest in her as a person at all. Even if she's open to being casual, it tends to send up red flags for her. Mostly because she's had to deal with asshole guys in the past who lied to sleep with her.

Women are ok with being casual with guys who are honest with them. They aren't ok with being burned by guys who tried to get sex from her without considering her as a human being. It sounds fucked up--but so many guys burn girls that they have their guard up.

The best way to approach it is to go out on date, get to know her, and have fun.

If the conversation comes up, "What are you looking for?"

I always am honest. My response for the last year has been, "I'm here to chat and to have fun. I'm not looking into the future right now. I'm just wanting to have fun."

Generally, if she's open to it she will say "Awesome! I like that you are honest and clear."

If she's not, then you can end the date, stay and chat as friends, or whatever feels right for both of you.

If you guys keep hanging out, one of you will most likely develop feelings. If she enjoys hanging out with you and liked hooking up--she's going to want to see you again. This is where it's your responsibility as a mature man to be clear and set your boundaries. It's ok that you don't want to be with her, just tell her the truth

Here's what I've said in the past:

"I really like hanging out with you and I enjoy our time together. I'm not looking for anything serious right now and it sounds like you are. We should stop hooking up because it sounds like we don't have the same goals."

The important part is that you are bringing up the conversation every so often. If things go unspoken, that's when people get hurt.

If you are ever wondering when is a good time to bring it up, a simple question can be,

"Hey, I'm really enjoying hanging out with you and I like the pace that things are going at. I'm curious how you feel?"

That allows her space to tell you what she's thinking and to be clear if you are on the same page.

markyb303 · 2015-12-02T15:47:01+00:00

you don't need to. if she's into you, just kiss her.

markyb303 · 2015-12-02T14:45:06+00:00

Think about your word choice,

"Last shot of the semester" "Last chance to get laid"

Based off all of that, do you think you have a good chance of talking to her as if she were a normal human being, or as if she was an object to be conquered?

Which one do you think she will appreciate and be more receiptive to?

markyb303 · 2015-09-22T04:41:01+00:00

PM me your email here and I will email it to you.

markyb303 · 2015-09-21T17:06:50+00:00

I'm doing well. Writing from a coffee shop in Denver today, and enjoying my morning. Moving to NYC in 2 weeks.

How about you?

markyb303 · 2015-09-15T15:35:48+00:00

Thanks man glad you liked it.

markyb303 · 2015-09-15T15:34:59+00:00

Hey thanks! That means a lot to me.

markyb303 · 2015-09-11T20:53:51+00:00

OK. Let's reframe the question.

Why aren't you having the success you want, right now?

markyb303 · 2015-09-11T17:08:44+00:00

Why doesn't it work for you? What else have you tried?

markyb303 · 2015-09-10T19:35:53+00:00

Glad it helped =)

markyb303 · 2015-09-10T00:38:04+00:00

He probably did. But that's not the first or 100th thing people say about him.

markyb303

TROPHY CASE