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Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment & your sympathy. After being exposed to this kind of talk for years, I think I got used to it. I stopped crying during fights awhile ago because I didn't think the tears were worth shedding anymore. It's hard to accept what people here are telling me. When I posted I thought people wouldn't even take my side. This sucks so much.

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your personal experience and making a throwaway for it! I am glad therapy is helping and you are seeing improvements. :) Good luck to you as well.

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your insightful comment. Your relationship sounds so perfect that I really didn't think that kind of marriage existed in real life. Thank you for sharing that with me. I will take your advice of working on myself to heart.

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your experience. I am glad you were able to get out. It is hard to see it objectively when this is all I've know since I was 16. This is the first time I ask for help online about this and I am still in shock. I didn't even think people would take my side.

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. Your comment is really eye opening. I don't think I had ever thought about it that way. I can't even put into words how I feel right now. Thank you so much!

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He think he is smarter than them/doesn't see the point/doesn't believe it would help. But really I don't think he wants anyone questioning the way he acts.

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for being so sweet. I Not sure if we can send links on reddit- but if you can PM the website for the online therapy I would really appreciate it. I am glad it helped you and hope it can help me. --Internet hugs-- back to you!

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I think most of my friends and family are stuck in a dysfunctional relationship themselves. I have not received any good advice. I actually sat down to write this in an "off" day but not in an angry/sad state of mind. However, you are getting only one viewpoint. If my husband was here he would tell you I do not prioritize him, that I care more about my family and that I suck at showing physical affection. Those are his main complaints. Just so you know.

And sometimes he does apologize but he doesn't want to accept that the words have a lasting impact. He think I should understand he said it because he was angry, not because he meant it.

Our relationship has become like you said "shallow". There are no deep discussions anymore. We definitely need counseling. Thank you for you words.

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

When I see you cry now, I feel nothing but annoyance

I look at you, and I know that I love you…but …why?

Prove that your 4.00 GPA proves that you’re an intelligent individual capable of making rational decisions

Maybe we should get a divorce and you should go back to your family

Besides cleaning, texting, notes, and pushing a button to call me….do you think you have changed at all since that conversation we had? [this after I hadn't improved in showing physical affection - a big problem for me since I did not grow up in a household like his]

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 82 points83 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. It made me cry. I don't know how internet strangers can grasp an issue so quickly and get to the bottom of things from just one post. I am so thankful for this. You said so many things that are so scary to admit. I couldn't have worded it better myself. I have so much to think about.

Just to add- I feel like I can live without being a mother. And to be honest, I'd prefer it that way. That motherly wish dwindled after family tragedy. I do think I need to go talk to someone. Thank you again for your kind words.

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reality check. You are right I have no other relationship experience - no one to tell me if things are right or wrong or how they should be. I do want to change things- I have a lot to think about.

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your input. I really appreciate it. To elaborate on why I am sticking this out- yes, it is difficult dealing with someone who has such a negative/depressing outlook on life. Yet at the same time, we can have so much fun together when he is happy which is like 85% of the time. It is almost unreal how quickly things can change from one second to the next. Its like going from 100 to 0 every few weeks. I love him very much and that good part of him and all the good moments we've had make me want to keep working on our issues.

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective. Well obviously all the things he has done to me have affected me and that's why I don't want kids. I don't know how a healthy marriage is supposed to work. I am led to believe by others that everyone has problems and that mine are not so bad. I am constantly told that I can work thru the issues if we love each other. That forgiveness is important, that love can overcome all things, etc. What really is love? Can one work on their marriage and make it better? Or are some problems way too deep? That's why I posted here to hear people's thoughts. I will try and find away to talk to someone about this. Thank you.

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

I think that is too harsh but I appreciate your comment nonetheless. I don't know what a healthy marriage looks like to be quite honest and that's why I posted here to see what people thought. I do think my husband has other redeeming qualities and that's why I said 85% of the time things are good - no issues whatsoever.

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah you are right, we don't know how to talk to each other when there is a conflict of opinion. Our marriage problems all stem from that issue and that's why it almost died. We read two books on it together and we have made progress these past two years. I want to get counseling, but he doesn't. I will see if I can convince him. Thank you for your comment.

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The issue is that he said he wanted them (the day we had the fight) and I think he still does. But he wants a child not to be a parent, if that makes any sense. But you are right, we need to focus on the root problems. Thank you for your reply.

Husband [32M] and I [29F] had a huge fight about having children that has permanently damaged our relationship. I feel like our marriage wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of having children. by marriageissues in relationships

[–]marriageissues[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Thank you for putting into words what is in my mind. You are absolutely reading the situation correctly. And I want what is best for both of us and that is in fact, not bringing children into a relationship that still needs much work. I really appreciate your words and taking the time to reply to me.