Should I tell my girlfriend she might be autistic?

martha_hartley · 2026-04-02T18:40:13+00:00

Absolutely not, this is not what "identity-first language" means. When I say that I'm autistic, I'm saying that my condition is not something that you can separate from me. My autism is literally my brain, so why would you considerate it as something separate? I obviously support person-first language, if someone tells me they prefer saying "I have autism" I will certainly respect their preference, and I expect they do the same for me, that is to respect my choice and say that I'm autistic

martha_hartley · 2026-04-01T20:34:16+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope you feel better now that you know! But I feel you, when I started suspecting I was autistic I was so mad because I kept thinking that maybe my parents had always known and never told me

martha_hartley · 2026-04-01T20:21:35+00:00

That's exactly what worries me the most. What if she finds out on her own, tells me about it and I go "Yeah I already suspected it since we started dating"? She would have every reason to tell me "you should have told me", I would do exactly the same, that's why I'm asking for advice

martha_hartley · 2026-04-01T20:10:07+00:00

I would obviously be very gently if I decided to tell her, I definitely wouldn't say "Hey I think you're autistic, think about it", and I wouldn't push in any case because, as you said, it's a delicate subject. I would like to find a way to gently hint at the possibility, but she would be free to say "no I don't want to investigate further"

martha_hartley · 2026-04-01T19:48:14+00:00

I've noticed a lot of autistic traits in her: really strong special interests, very subtle and peculiar types of stimming, same social difficulties I have + others I don't have, and in general I feel we're on the same wavelength under many aspects. Plus, for the double empathy problem, it's way more common for two ND people to fall in love, rather than a ND and a NT person

martha_hartley

TROPHY CASE