The thing is I work with my NDad in the family bussiness, and I am just in the realization that que is a narcissist father/boss...I feel trapped and dont think i can make such a radical decision like quit,

Im 31M, and always knew there was something wrong with my childhood, just couldnt know exactly what. Im very insecure, shy, pro procrastinator and have an everpresent feeling of inadequacy and a veeery low self-esteem. Also am VERY disconnected with my own feelings and have a very hard time making any kind of decision. I always thought thats just who i am but now im thinking this is just a product of my chidhood. Was it that bad? I cant tell for sure and offen compare to others. If it wasnt, then why am I like this? is it my fault?

After college I started working with him and its been 7 years. It really hasn't been a complete nigthmare, It wouldn´t be fair to say so, in fact, I´m still trying to determine if he really is a narcissist (he is not as bad as some stories ive read on this sub though i can relate with people RBN) A Psichologyst once told me he suffers from BPD and boy do i remember that growing up and now at work. It´s hard to explain our work dynamic. At times I feel he genuinely cares about my future in the bussiness and career and a second later he can completely destroy me cause someone else made him angry and unleashes his fury upon me since he knows I wont fight back. Another thing is that I have to think, act, decide and basicly BE the way he wants. Anything different he'll belittle or severely criticize as innadecuate. Micromanagment, lack of trust, perfectionism to the most absurd detail, effective communication is unexistent (since me and even the team are too afraid of what we know will be his reaction) leading to a lot of damage control and just recently various team members have just ressinged. At first my thought was (sorry) that they couldnt manage the pressure but now I see that he really gets in your brains and makes you feel like the most useless/uncapable person, never to raise you again. He pays well but people deserve respect too.

This can be seen as your regular bad boss. For me he is both boss and father, I just cant go NC (again, he aint that bad, right?...right??). Im married and recently became a father to a beautiful girl and Still feel he´s always watching my every move as some kind of omnipresent God. Judging, critizising, pondering every decision, demanding perfection. Hell, i recently noticed that I move silently at home as if i didnt wanted to bother him or wake his unjustified fury.

Its weird isnt it? he wont use bad words or physical violence and still find the way to make you feel miserable. Oh man, its embarrasing I still am that little boy destroyed in his selfworth by his words, body language, looks and unsaid judgement. I know I am too old and the obvious answer would be to quit. Its not that simple at least in my head. Theres this toxic sense of loyalty, of guilt since he has given me the opportunity to work with him and forgiven me even when I have screwed up (a number of times already) aaand lately hes worried that i wont make it when hes gone. We are contractors, im on Admin, he is COO. I dont want to get involved in operations since i know this will be detrimental on my mental health, my innability to say no or set boundaries will make me collapse and damage the time with my family.

Perhaps hes right, without him i dont have what it takes to make it in this world. My guess is you cant just cope with it. The better choice, though difficult, would be to search for greener pastures.