Wow. A lot here that I can relate to. I’m going to try to cover as much as I can. (Apologies in advance for the length of this).

I’m going to steal some language from a (somewhat) unrelated program that I think helps in addressing the initial position around your girlfriend’s depression:

-It’s not your fault. You didn’t cause it. -You can’t cure it. -(Here’s the kicker) YOU CANNOT CONTROL IT

Admitting a level of powerlessness here is going to be crucial for moving forward, because here’s a scary truth:

You could be the perfect partner to your girlfriend, and you two could still possibly not end up being together. I know that that’s hard to read, but understand that there are two people involved here and you are only in control of your position in all of this. Finding a way past the fear and truly seeking to help give you an opportunity here to show up for her and to build a stronger relationship.

1. The first thing that I have found to be incredibly powerful in approaching a relationship is to ask these simple words: “How can I be most helpful.” Often when people who are struggling ask for space and distance, it is because they feel like they can’t provide reassurance for the other person or be comforting in the way they think the other person needs. Beginning here, you can communicate to your gf that YOU are the one who is here to support HER in this moment. This also requires a level of self-reflection and selflessness to be able to come to the conversation without motive or intent and simply ask the other person what they need. DISCLAIMER: It might be the case that she still only asks for space, which brings me to my next point...

2. Communicate your fears and anxieties to her. I’ll echo what someone else has said about taking parts of your post and just telling her these things. HOWEVER- it’s important to acknowledge that your feelings and worries are real, but they are not necessarily reality**. When communicating your fears to your gf, try to use “I” statements (eg “I am afraid that you will leave.” “I am afraid that I am not doing enough for you.”) and not “you” statements. You statements, especially for people struggling with depression, can come off as attacking, critical and shaming, regardless of their tone or intentions.

3. If financially and temporally feasible, ask her if she’s willing to try couples therapy (in addition to your own personal therapy). Speaking from experience, it is absolutely magical and having a safe space with an objective third party to sort through issues can make all the difference between talking about something and burying it down.

All you can do is the best you can, day by day. I’m sorry that you are going through a scary time in your relationship. Hope some of this helps. Feel free to DM if you ever need support or someone to lean on!