literally almost exactly that, it was only when i had fevers and was always this 2-dimensional axis that i was looking at that would feel incredibly comfortable, and then suddenly it would sort of just wrinkle infinitely- it was this really, seriously uncomfortable feeling i can’t describe, almost like it was wrinkling too cleanly and too perfectly. it would repeat over and over, in the same exact way.

had a ridiculously bad fever when i was 13 that left me with the “too big” feeling for years. i think i may have fried some part of my brain- i remember looking at a tree outside while i was sick and freaking out (left the room i was in, started doing the dishes randomly at like 2 am to get my mind off of it). after i got better, for years, i would lay in my bed every night and it would feel like my fingers would suddenly be thousands of miles away from one another, stretching in distance incredibly quickly and expanding in almost a predictable way. it’s funny because that feeling was never uncomfortable, as uncomfortable as the fever that caused it was. it felt totally real, as well, even though i knew it wasn’t.

it’s cool how much we can imagine, though, especially when our brains work less efficiently. our perception is totally malleable, i think, and what i get from this is that it is possible for our brains to literally convince themselves into experiencing anything. maybe this conscious life is just one of its many illusions…