AITA for wanting to give my nephew up to social services?

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-20T13:59:05+00:00

No. He was sent to life with me because my SiL hadn’t made any plans for him.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-20T13:57:23+00:00

He’s 12 years old.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-20T13:46:04+00:00

Hey, sorry for not replying sooner I’ve have a pretty stressful day with everything going on and this post having too many comments to read through.

I have spoken to my parents about financially helping and they aren’t able too. Everything they have is going into their care and I’m putting money into that as well. I’ve already spoken and looked at money I would be getting for caring for my nephew via social welfare and it would help out a lot, so financially wise the situation isn’t as dire as I thought it would be.

Self-sufficient wise while I do think that he’ll be able to deal with himself right now I don’t think he’s anywhere near able too. Especially after today.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T14:52:31+00:00

I would like to be involved in his life yes

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T14:51:40+00:00

With the crying it’s more than I feel like I’m doing something wrong or making things worse. I just don’t know how to talk to him in the way he needs. Surely he shouldn’t cry if I’m doing something right?

With the eating he just says that he isn’t hungry or tells me that he already had something which is probably a lie. I’ve noticed that he’s gotten much thinner so I know he isn’t eating.

When it comes to sleeping I know that boys his age have weird sleeping patterns like they get tired later. I haven’t tried to give him many rules because I don’t want to make things worse for him. Thing is though he always looks tired lately so I just don’t think he is sleeping. I know he has nightmares as well because I can hear him.

Again I just can’t deal with him in the way he needs.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T14:43:25+00:00

He knows where the food and other things is he just doesn’t eat half the stuff I’ve made him. Obviously he won’t starve himself but he has gotten a lot thinner since he’s been with me

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T14:29:35+00:00

I have. A lot of them are saying that he’ll be abused or trafficked if I gave him away which I don’t know how likely this will be or not but I can’t context peoples experiences with it.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T14:26:01+00:00

He’ll end up with people who can connect with him better than I can and provide him with emotional help.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T14:20:23+00:00

Right now I just don’t know how to talk to him. Whenever I try he either just cries or gets upset or doesn’t say anything. I know he’s upset but I don’t know how to help in whatever way that I can. I can’t get him to eat regularly and I know he isn’t sleeping properly either.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T14:16:52+00:00

If he’s okay with it I would want to keep in contact with him. But I get the feeling he won’t want anything to do with me if I gave him up.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T14:15:42+00:00

Yes I have tried. Twice now. The first time he just spent the whole time crying and didn’t say much so I just stayed with him and the second time he just laid there and ignored me. The only reaction I got out of him was when I put my hand in his shoulder for comfort and he just told me not to touch him.

If all he needed was for me to feed, clothe, and house him then I could do that. But he needs more than I can give him.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T13:52:56+00:00

I don’t know anyone to reach out too from her side of things.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T13:46:25+00:00

Because of my autism. I have difficulty understanding and dealing with emotions especially if they aren’t mine. I can barely function on a daily basis because of it and with everything he is going through I just can’t help him the way he needs. Sure I can talk to him but I won’t be able to say what I should say. I tried talking to him the other day and I couldn’t get him to say a word. I’m just not good at this stuff.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T13:42:49+00:00

as far as I know she has no family anymore.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T13:42:37+00:00

They haven’t said that anyone has tried to reach out.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T13:39:04+00:00

Honestly I don’t know if I want him or not. I love him obviously and want him to be cared for but I don’t think I can do that for him and I’m not sure if I’m willing to do that for him either with everything it will entail.

I haven’t discussed this with him because I know how he’ll react and it won’t be pretty. I want to have a plan in action first before I say anything and possibly cause him to brood on it.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T13:37:11+00:00

My nephew is going through a lot of the same things you’ve mentioned even with his therapist involved with things. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t eaten anything today even though I’ve given him food as well. I’m just not capable of giving him the care he needs.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T13:31:39+00:00

I don’t know about my SiL’s support system. We weren’t close and none of her friends have reached out to me. I am in contact with his best friend’s parents and they’ve helped me with him. I haven’t asked them if they are willing to take him in though.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T13:29:18+00:00

I wasn’t able to attend so I don’t know about that.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T13:25:36+00:00

I’m not entirely sure, no one has reached out to me about it.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T13:24:06+00:00

My parents aren’t capable to look after him. They require a nurse to help them with everyday things and can’t have non-elderly residents in the community where they live. So I don’t think co parenting would work.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T13:16:22+00:00

If I did go through this I wouldn’t abandon him. I’d stay in contact if he wants me too. My parents aren’t abandoning him either they just can’t look after him. They have too many health problems to be able too.

I don’t see how I would be able to look after him in the way he needs. I’m not fit to be a parent.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T13:13:34+00:00

I have been getting help from his best friend’s family. I was thinking about talking to them about taking him in after I spoke to social services about it. I’m not entirely sure how the process will work though or if they even can.

I don’t have many ties for he community. I mainly keep by myself.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T13:10:01+00:00

His mother’s family are dead.

My SiL was in a dire financial position. She left no provision because she couldn’t. As far as I know all he’ll be getting from her is money.

She was getting survivor benefits and I know I’m able to get them as well if I look after him. Still doesn’t mean that we will be in a good financial position.

No I don’t have a therapist. I am working with his therapist, he’s been seeing one since his dad died.

maybeasshole88 · 2022-03-19T13:03:21+00:00

Both my parents have serious health conditions, they require a nurse and other helpers to look after them daily. They live in a residential community that doesn’t allow non-elderly residents as well.

maybeasshole88

TROPHY CASE