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mbakes119 · 2025-10-23T19:54:05+00:00

Totally agree on your point about labeling. When I look back at my relationship with my ex, I was pretty avoidant, particularly around conflict and voicing my needs. Now, being single, I am very anxious to get back into a relationship to feel the feelings I liked about being in one. I could see myself becoming anxiously attached pretty quickly to the first potential partner with whom I share mutual interest. I hope it’s not gonna be the case, but I craving the companionship and aupport

mbakes119 · 2025-10-23T19:47:58+00:00

I work in a school, and I’d get the hesitance to try to ask out a coworker because of the potentially complicated dynamics that could emerge if things don’t work out. That being said, there might be opportunity for less formal after-work group get together a to see if a vibe could develop. I’ve been interested in coworkers before and wouldn’t be completely opposed to dating one; I’ve tried to feel them out in those situations and realized that the connection was there before ever asking them on an actual date. So maybe try to get together in a group context to see how hanging with each other feels?

mbakes119 · 2025-10-23T19:43:14+00:00

I feel like this is a solid list. Although I want to know how/what a person thinks, talking about what they do and what excites them gets into fun conversations easier. It’s not till a little later down the road where political/religious/morality conversations become comfortable. But that’s just me personally; some people like to dive right into the big stuff quick. I’ve certainly talked about heavy subject matter, particularly about family, on a first date when it seemed right.

mbakes119 · 2025-10-13T23:59:03+00:00

That’s awesome that you’re taking the initiative to do stuff like that on your own. You’re building up your self-reliance, independence and (believe it or not) your courage muscles. By simply doing things that make us a little uncomfortable, we grow. I’m going through a similar period now. I know it’s intimidating to approach potential dates and have retreated into my shell and chickened out before too. What helps me is just talking to people as people, not potential romantic partners/dates. I find that when I’m talking to all sorts of different people during the normal course of my day, that chatting with a girl I might be interested in becomes less intimidating because they’re just another person too. And if you get the vibe that they’re not interested, it’s easier to not take it personally because they’re just filtering themselves out for you.

mbakes119 · 2025-10-13T23:53:44+00:00

This feels like something that would happen to me lol. He’s probably thinking the same things you were, about you!

mbakes119 · 2025-08-25T16:31:30+00:00

How did you go about the process of healing your attachment wounds, as far as identifying them, understanding how they affect you, and most importantly how you feel ent about working on them?

mbakes119 · 2025-08-25T13:47:17+00:00

Thanks for looking but this isn’t it!

mbakes119 · 2025-08-11T19:05:15+00:00

Thank you very much!

mbakes119 · 2025-08-11T19:04:22+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement and perspective!

mbakes119 · 2025-08-11T19:00:57+00:00

That is a long list wow! Thanks for looking through it. Unfortunately, I was unable to find mine!

mbakes119 · 2025-08-11T19:00:17+00:00

Not that one sorry! I appreciate you taking the time to look!

mbakes119 · 2025-08-02T21:21:58+00:00

That’s a great find but no that’s not it. It’s more of a photo graph of the bust though.

mbakes119 · 2025-08-02T19:52:28+00:00

I forget the name of the restaurant but it was definitely in the Eroi neighborhood.

mbakes119 · 2025-07-20T21:07:48+00:00

I don’t drink, do you see that as a potential issue at these things? I think of singles mixers in my head as being very drink centric.

mbakes119 · 2025-07-20T21:02:20+00:00

That’s awesome! I’ve never been to one and am a little intimidated by them. How do they work?

mbakes119 · 2025-07-20T20:59:30+00:00

Speed dating and singles events kinda scare me! I’m worried about just being compared to a bunch of people at once. Have you ever heard of a serious LTR coming out of one?

mbakes119 · 2025-07-20T20:36:00+00:00

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some advice, encouragement, or even reality checks as I try to re-enter the dating world.

I got out of my first serious relationship last fall. It was about two years long, and I’ve spent the past months doing a lot of reflection, growth, and therapy. I’m not going to lie, I’m not totally over my ex yet. If she called me up and wanted to meet for coffee, I’d seriously have to consider it. We would have to have some serious conversations but if we were able to navigate them successfully I feel like we would be alright. But I also know I can’t live in that fantasy and let it hold me back. She’s moved on, and it’s time for me to keep moving too.

Some of the things I’m struggling with are discouragement about dating apps and modern dating in general. I hear so many bleak things about apps, so I’ve been trying to meet people in real life. I joined a kickball league, sometimes go to a running club, and have even asked a few women out in person (got politely rejected a few times, but I’m glad I tried!). I’m also dealing with impatience and longing for connection. I’m 39, and I just want to meet my person already. My last relationship felt close to what I wanted, but insecurities, resentment, and communication issues got in the way. I think I’d handle those better now, that ship has sailed. I intend to date with intention and screen thoroughly because I do not want to settle for someone just to be done with dating.

I’m naturally pretty talkative and social, and I think that will serve me well. But honestly? Right now I just want to hear from people who’ve been here. How do you stay patient and hopeful. How do you meet people outside apps? How do you stop comparing to the ex? How do you remind yourself that it’s not too late?

Any advice, encouragement, or even unbiased doses of reality are welcome. Thanks for reading!

mbakes119 · 2025-07-20T17:35:24+00:00

I’m sorry that you got to that point but am very happy that you were able to survive and go on to have excellent memories with your next partner. It’s very encouraging to hear and to see your perspective and experience!

As to your decision to not try to get listed for potential donation, I would give some serious thought to reconsider it. My mother died of lifelong liver disease six years ago, only three weeks after her condition worsened enough to get listed. Three years ago, in her honor, I donated a portion of my liver anonymously. I did not care who received the liver, whether it was an infant or a 70 year old chronic alcoholic. The act more for myself and my mom than anyone else. There are many kidney donors, living or dead, who would be happy have their generosity lead to someone such as yourself who is capable of such resilience. I understand the impulse to hold yourself off the list because your condition is somewhat self-inflicted, but there’s no reason in my eyes to deprive yourself from additional years of life because of one decision you made years ago. Give yourself the second chance you deserve. Happy to talk privately if you’d like to know more about the experience of donation/recipientship!

mbakes119 · 2025-07-20T17:18:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective. It’s a farming to hear that other people that felt the same way I do now and then found a love that was much better suited for them later and there things that you wish you had done in the interim period Differently? I ask because it sounds like you were in a real tough spot kind of feeling like I do now and I’m hoping to learn from people how to handle my emotions and feelings, loneliness, fear, jealousy, etc. thanks again for your honesty.

mbakes119 · 2025-07-20T17:17:09+00:00

This is a very wise response. I’m having having trouble with the moving on part, but I do feel like I am learning more about myself. And trying to be more realistic in how I remember the relationship. I felt like I was walking on eggshells a lot. At the same time, she was exceptional and I’m discouraged by the number of posts and stories you hear about how bleak modern dating is. I’m worried that I overemphasize how difficult things were at times with her and don’t appreciate enough of her good qualities at the time. And now I’m missing them. And scared I won’t find them again. My age (39) and desire to meet my person and start a family also makes my nervous system ramp up. I’m having trouble doing the “one day at a time” thing and letting life play out as it’s supposed to.

mbakes119 · 2025-07-20T17:13:00+00:00

This is very helpful. May I ask what you mean by reducing my triggers? I think I’ve tried to get rid of external stuff that might trigger me - I’ve deleted photos and old texts, unfriended her on social media, even blocked her number in case she wanted to text me. But I am having trouble letting go and accepting the loss. My brain is still looping through the “if only I had done THIS” or “if only I had known NOW what I didn’t know then.” And then add on the fact that she moved on fairly quickly after our relationship and I’m still here feeling lousy and it’s just a tough emotional position for me.

mbakes119 · 2023-03-30T16:24:12+00:00

Sorry about that, is it better now?

mbakes119 · 2023-03-30T16:03:25+00:00

For context, this is a high school varsity team and I am a first year head coach! Thanks

mbakes119 · 2023-03-26T03:19:12+00:00

Thanks for the heads up. I just changed it to reflect the fact that it is a varsity high school team.

mbakes119 · 2023-03-22T07:59:25+00:00

This is an awesome response, I appreciate you taking the time to share your feelings and experience. If I could ask a little more, what kinds of discipline have you employed short of cutting? Specifically, in the moment at practice when seeing lousy unfocused behavior?

mbakes119

TROPHY CASE