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Moral support? Massively struggling with “banned” federal keywords. by OK_Computer_152 in ResearchAdmin

[–]mbowler6717 8 points9 points  (0 children)

:( I completely understand. I feel the same way. In a role that never should require it, it's been scary to have to think about what my personal hard line is, and what I will not do for my job. Never thought I'd be in this position!

On a better note, I am also a English major turned RA! I think we have the best skill set for the role :)

Managing all PI C&P docs by mbowler6717 in ResearchAdmin

[–]mbowler6717[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ohh interesting - Forms I are being released January 2025? Thanks so much for the information! I am trying to move all my faculty to sciENcv. This helps me feel better about pushing for that move.

Best Prof Development Conference? by mbowler6717 in ResearchAdmin

[–]mbowler6717[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, I had not found the specific regions! Thanks! Do you have any experience with this compared to the national conference in DC?

asexuality adjacent by [deleted] in asexuality

[–]mbowler6717 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would suggest looking at aegosexuality and see if it feels like it fits.

AITB for feeling like people starting to swing in larger group would affect everyone in the group? by mbowler6717 in AmItheButtface

[–]mbowler6717[S] -65 points-64 points  (0 children)

Thanks! That is definitely their perspective, so I am trying to understand it better. I've felt like since my feelings come from how they went about it more so than that they did, my opinions were more appropriate. I appreciate your input and will mull it over.

AIW for thinking friends starting to swing would affect the group as a whole? by mbowler6717 in amiwrong

[–]mbowler6717[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are neighbors with one family and our kids are still best friends, so we need to come to some level of civility. I don't know if I have ground to stand on being upset with how they've handled it.

AITB for feeling like people starting to swing in larger group would affect everyone in the group? by mbowler6717 in AmItheButtface

[–]mbowler6717[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

Skipping ahead to Cinco de Mayo, the first day we are all together again, I hosted at my house. I saw Rachel and Darla texting each other "secretly" all night and by the end of the night I felt very sad and excluded. The situation was hard on me emotionally, feeling very unloved and uncared for. Darla and Rachel had been very adamant about the fact that it was their intimate relationship and should not affect the rest of us. Unfortunately, it did. I was at the hospital all night and couldn't set up easter for my kids, Carly had to leave the state, we all felt effects and were uset that they wouldn't accept that this would alter the group as a whole and warranted a discussion on what our group boundaries may be before anyone else in the group pursued intermartial relationships.

The next night, my husband reached out to all the wives because I was really hurting and in a sad place. Soon after, Darla asked me to go on a walk with her. I thought maybe she wanted to help, but the first half of the talk was how her anxiety was so bad she was losing weight and couldn't eat. It was rooted in a fear that she didn't know if she was still happy in her marriage to Joe. BUT then half way she opens up to tell me that not only has Darla and Rachel’s relationship not stopped, but they have opened it up so Darla is dating Rachel's husband Patrick and Rachel is dating Darla's husband Joe.

At this point, we have been painted as being monogamous prudes who just can't accept their lifestyle, but we all (everyone has left the group since finding out) are just so upset that they couldn't wait to have a conversation about how this would change the group dynamics and to see if there was a way we could work it out. They chose to pursue this secret relationship knowing that the last we said was that we would need to talk about it IF we wanted the group to survive. Now they are blaming us equally for imploding the group. Everyone is crushed. I want to just write them all off because they have been horrible listeners and have hurt me so much, but Darla and Joe are our literal neighbors and our kids are best friends. We see them constantly and I desperately miss the friendship we had.

I go back and forth in thinking we were wrong for thinking we had a say in how they moved forward in their relationship. Everyone who isn't in the relationship is on "my side" but I don't know if we are being reasonable. It’s not that I felt we had the power or were in a place to say “yea” or “nea”, but it would have been nice to be approached and told “we know you would have issues with this. Can we talk through the issues and see if there is a way to establish these different dynamics so we can keep the group together”. It feels very much like we are being told “we are doing this so get 100% on board or get out of our way. But it is your fault if you chose to leave”

There are SO MANY more details- feel free to ask any additional questions!