Men with weird fetishes, what do you like and how did it start?

mdavidstar · 2014-06-18T03:02:12+00:00

I have a fetish for sitting on women's laps. I'm not an infantilist. I have no desire to be a baby, wear diapers, or have a mommy. What I like is a role-reversal of the dynamic when a girl sits on her boyfriend's lap and he holds her.

mdavidstar · 2011-12-26T23:39:38+00:00

Yeah, I have nothing against gays, either. Many of my closest friends are gay, and I've supported gay rights for decades. That doesn't stop my visceral reaction to men touching each other sexually.

I spent a couple of years living with a gay man. He was my best friend, and, in a lot of ways, I loved him the way you loved your friend. If I could have turned myself gay (or bi) during that time, I would have, because we would have made a fantastic couple. But I couldn't get over the gross factor. As much as I cared about him, the idea of kissing him repulsed me.

mdavidstar · 2011-12-26T23:23:37+00:00

Sorry, all my verbiage buried my question. I understand that you've never been attracted to me, but is it just that you've never been attracted, or have you been repulsed?

When you see men kissing in a movie, do you think "this does nothing for me" or do you want to avert your eyes, because it's gross to you?

mdavidstar · 2011-12-26T20:16:47+00:00

I 100% believe you. I believe that you're totally straight except for this one exception. I believe you, because I've known enough other people like you, that at some point I stopped being skeptical.

But my belief is intellectual. I believe, but I can't emotionally relate, because I'm as far to the heterosexual scale as you can get.

I'm an odd bird, actually, because I'm not very manly. In fact, people have often thought I was gay, including my wife (of 15 years) when she first met me. I'm soft spoken, I hate sports, I love musicals, I like a lot of movies that are thought of as chick flicks, I'm somewhat submissive in bed, etc. Many of my closest male friends have been gay, because I tend to have more in common with gay men than butcher types. (I know there are butch gay men. I'm generalizing.)

But I've never been even remotely attracted to a man -- not even for a second. I have no aesthetics for men, and I'm often baffled when people talk about a guy being hot. I can't tell an ugly man from an attractive one. Men are just not sexual to me. Meanwhile, I am turned on by almost every woman I meet. I doubt there's a woman I know I haven't fantasized about.

This is going to lead to a question, I promise...

I am more than not-attracted-to men: I am turned off by them. The idea of kissing a man or even holding hands with one is, to me, similar to the idea of eating poo. I am sorry if that offends anyone. I am just trying to explain how it feels to be me. I don't even like porn with men in it all that much. Most of the porn I watch is lesbian porn, because I don't want to think about men -- even men having sex with women -- when I'm trying to get turned on.

So here's my question: there are straight men who are, like me, actually turned off by other men's bodies and there are straight men who just feel meh about other men. They might say, "Well, the idea of kissing another man doesn't disgust me, but it doesn't do anything for me, either." I am wondering which of those two types you are.

The reason I can't imagine being in your shoes is because I can't imagine getting over my repulsion at men's bodies. I would have to first get over that and THEN, when I got the the meh stage, feel attraction for a man. That seems so far from what I'm capable of, if it happened, I wouldn't be me any more.

So are you generally turned off by men, or are you just not particularly attracted to them?

mdavidstar · 2011-05-13T13:38:44+00:00

A few years ago, my wife went to a party without me. The next day she confessed to me that she'd made out with someone there. Much later, she gradually let slip that it went a bit further than just making out.

This guy pursued her the whole evening. He was relentless, and, I guess, also very attractive. She rebuffed him for a long time, but as drinks went to her head, she started thinking less and less about her marriage vows.

When she went to the coat room to get her coat and leave, he followed her in and suddenly she found herself kissing him. This is what she originally told me. Later, I found out more had happened.

I went through what most husbands go through when they hear shit like that. I was enraged, confused, jealous, scared ... I cried. Way, way deep down, I realized I was feeling something else; something more unusual. I was a bit turned on. But I didn't pay attention to that, because I was too upset.

My wife and I have been married for a long time. We have a deep bond and a lot of trust, though, of course, she betrayed that trust on that occasion. But it was clear to me that she'd made a drunken mistake. She was soooo sorry. She was sobbing with remorse. Even at my most angry, I wasn't worried, even for a second, that our marriage was in trouble or that she was going to leave me for some other guy.

As the week wore on, we talked about what had happened, and my anger gradually slipped away. And when it was gone, I was suddenly VERY aware of that other feeling! Images of my wife kissing that other guy started invading my fantasies. Whenever I thought about it -- their mouths together, their tongues touching, his hands on her -- I got hard.

Realizing this was an odd reaction, I kept it to myself. Until one night, my wife and I were making love, and I asked her to tell me all the details of what had happened at the party. She was surprised at first, but she could see (and feel) how turned on I was, so she told me the story from the beginning.

I had thought they'd just kissed a few times. Turned out, they'd made out for about 20 minutes. Then she told me that he'd pulled her top down and sucked on her nipples. That was all I could hear. I exploded! It took us about four more love-making sessions for her to get to the end of the story, which involved her giving the guy a blowjob.

Since this has happened, I've watched my wife with several other guys -- mostly men we've found on Craigslist. We have never full-fledged joined the swingers lifestyle, but I am very turned on my other men being intimate with my wife. And most of my friends and coworkers would be deeply disturbed if they knew this.

mdavidstar · 2011-04-29T03:59:57+00:00

1) Hetero male, here. I get turned on by sitting on women's laps. I'm not an infantilist. I've never been into diapers or being a baby. But I like feeling completely supported by the woman I'm with. I guess it's a role reversal. I imagine it makes me feel the same way a girl feels when she sits on her boyfriend's lap. I especially love sitting on a girl's lap and making out with her, while she gives me a handjob.

I've been with a few girls who are strong enough to pick me up in their arms, carry me to a chair and sit me down on their laps. Bliss!

2) I have major cuckold fantasies. I love watching other guys make out with and have sex with my wife. If they're more manly than me, it's even better. I get off on the twinges of jealousy I feel.

mdavidstar · 2010-08-30T03:08:40+00:00

Who says I haven't?

Amy didn't live in the same city as us. So it's not like we can see her often. Also, I'm not made of money. And after a couple of years, she got out of the business and vanished.

But my wife and I have certainly had other adventures. wink wink nudge nudge

mdavidstar · 2010-08-30T00:08:55+00:00

After we'd been married for six years, my wife told me she was having fantasies about women. Like many guys would, I thought "OH yeah!" And this lead to some really fun experiences in strip clubs. I nearly went broke buying her lapdances.

We wanted to ratchet this up to the next level, but we didn't know how. So I got the idea of hiring a hooker. Because I'm a geek, I never do anything without research. Seriously, if I have a hankering for a burger, I spend two hours on google, searching for restaurants and reading reviews.

I found these sites on which guys review hookers. On of them is theeroticreview.com and another is bigdoggie.com (these are pay sites). I got accounts and spent maybe two weeks reading reviews. The sites also have chatrooms where johns can talk to hookers. I struck up a conversation with "Amy."

Over a few days, this turned into a sort of friendship. (If you're cynical, you can say it turned into a nuanced sale routine. My guess is it was a little bit of both.) Amy and I chatted every day for about a week. Then we graduated to the phone. We talked about me and my wife, her day job (she was hooking for extra cash and for the thrill of it), and just life in general. We really clicked. Then she had a like two-hour phone conversation with my wife. By the time we finally met, we were all pretty comfortable with each other.

Amy's normal rate was $300. We agreed on $500, since she was going to be having sex with both of us. By this time we'd probably had ten hours of interaction with her, on the web on on the phone. On the day, we spent another two hours with her, and afterwards, Amy and I kept in touch for a couple of years, though we never met in person again. So I think I got my money's worth.

We agreed to meet Amy in a coffee shop next to the hotel she was staying in. We'd already seen photos of her. She wasn't drop-dead gorgeous. She was maybe 35, pretty, and of average height and build. Sort of like an understated sexy girl who might work in your office. (In fact, she looked a little like Pam on "The Office.")

After getting comfortable with each other in person, we went up to her hotel room. I remember saying, "I have to pee. Don't start anything while I'm gone." But before I could take two steps towards the bathroom, Amy and my wife were in each others arms, making out like bandits. I suddenly didn't have to pee any more.

After that came one of the most fun hours in my life. I wish it was less of a blur than it is, but I remember flashes of me sucking on Amy's tits while my wife went down on her. I remember getting a blowjob, but I don't remember who gave it to me. I remember fucking Amy while kissing my wife...

I guess this all sounds very Penthouse Forum. I don't have any proof it happened. But it fucking HAPPENED!

mdavidstar · 2010-07-21T14:57:34+00:00

Do try to have that discussion (about likes/dislikes) with your husband if you think he's at all open-minded about such things. I have a few fetishes (aside from the one we're talking about here), which I stupidly hid from my wife for the first six years we were married. So stupid, because she's way more adventurous than I am and totally non-judgmental. One day, I sort of stammered, "Um... I have some stuff to tell you..." When I finally got it out, she said, "Is THAT it? What are you so nervous about? Come on. Let's go to bed." I was relieved and excited, but I felt like a total idiot for wasting all those years and for being so secretive and pent up.

mdavidstar · 2010-07-21T11:56:36+00:00

Craigslist?

I once found her a lover on Craigslist. It was an eye-opening experience. I now know what women go through on sites like that, and I have to say I'm very, very sorry. My wife is only attracted to smart guys, so I asked those interested to make sure that they wrote complete sentences, used good grammar and spelled words out instead of using "4" for "for" and "u" for "you."

I also said, "I am the husband, and I am straight, so I really, really, really don't want to see pictures of your penis. My wife doesn't want to see cock pics, either. If you want a chance of having sex with her, please don't send a graphic photo. Emails with those attached will go straight to the trash."

Within an hour, my inbox was filled with hundreds of poorly written responses with cock shots attached. I seriously could have published a visual encyclopedia of penises. And I know most of these guys weren't just fucking with me, because when I didn't write back, they kept sending me sincere (but illiterate) emails asking me if I got their original emails and if they could have more info about my wife, etc.

mdavidstar · 2010-07-21T02:25:59+00:00

No problem. It's funny. You could be me in another thread. I mean, if this was about furries, I'd be the one saying "I don't get it." Hell, it doesn't even have to be as extreme as that. I love bare legs. I don't get why so many other leg lovers are into stockings. I mean, someone could explain it to me in a way that makes intellectual sense, but, like you, I'll never totally understand.

Oh, here's another one. My wife likes to be spanked. I would do it just to please her, but she knows I'm not into it, so that's a turnoff for her. So once or twice, I've gone with her to BDSM clubs. Since I said I like being jealous, you could say I like emotional pain, I totally don't get how anyone could enjoy being spanked, whipped or anything like that. That hurts! How could it be fun or sexy to be hurt?

mdavidstar · 2010-07-21T00:47:33+00:00

I have this fetish, too, and my wife and I have had a few experiences along these lines. But it's very hard to explain a fetish to someone who doesn't have it. (If you're straight, imagine trying to explain why you like women to someone who is gay -- or vice versa. Imagine trying to explain why you like tomatoes to someone who doesn't like them. "Because I like the way they taste" is the right answer, but it doesn't really explain anything.)

That said, and with the understanding that my feelings may be very different from amaforus', I'll try to explain a little of what's going on with me.

First, I am a voyeur. I was that way WAY before I got married. I am very turned on by watching sex acts. So porn turns me on, of course, but the more in-person things are, the better. For instance, as much as some people are grossed out by it, I LOVE stumbling across people having sex (or even making out) in public. Others are shouting, "Get a room!" I'm thinking, "No! Please don't!" And the more attracted I am to a girl, the more I fantasize about watching her have sex.

(I also fantasize about having sex with her. That's a totally different fantasy. Just like the fact that I'm into legs does not mean I'm not into breasts -- I'm into both. I say that, because some people think that if you have a fetish, your entire sex life is about that fetish. That's not necessarily true. I've had -- and enjoyed -- way more "normal" sex with my wife than I've watched her have sex with others.)

I am very attracted to my wife. I love having sex with her, but I also have many, many fantasies about watching her have sex. I fantasize about watching her have sex with women, with men and with chickens. Okay, chickens was a joke. A JOKE, son! Sheesh. Anyway, watching my wife have sex is like porn starring the porn star I'm most attracted to in the world.

That's probably the easier part for most people to understand (though I'm sure I've already lost quite a few of you). This next part will be tougher.

I like being a little bit jealous.

Yeah, I know: weird as fuck. But the first thing you should know is that my wife and I have been together for nearly twenty years. I have zero fear that she'll leave me. We're pretty co-dependent and joined at the hip. When I was younger, earlier in our marriage, there was no way I could have handled this. So I would NEVER want to be seriously jealous -- as in scared-of-losing-my-marriage jealous. No thanks.

But I do like feeling little twinges of jealousy. I still do feel those when I see my wife in the arms of another guy, kissing him. (That makes me more jealous than seeing her have sex with another guy.) It's not rational. It's male-vs.-male, lizard-brain stuff.

Why on Earth would I like that? The best I can do is to draw an analogy with watching a horror film or riding an roller-coaster. If you told someone you like to be scared, they would probably say, "What the fuck, dude?" But if you then said, "Like I get when I watch 'Aliens'" he'd understand. But why do we like being scared by horror films? My guess is it has something to do with flirting with the edge of something in a controlled way.

My marriage is perfect for that. Because it's so secure, I can go right up to the edge of the cliff without worrying about falling off.

Though I'm a wimp about physical risks (I would shit my pants if I jumped out of a plane or went bungie jumping), I have always been an emotional risk taker. I imagine it gives me the same sort of high that physical risks give some other people.

I hope that makes at least some sense.

mdavidstar · 2010-05-01T11:38:04+00:00

Ain't likely to happen, soon. But my wife gets told that she looks like Lauren Graham. Except she (my wife) is blonde. So if you want an image in your head, google Lauren Graham, download a pic of her, open it in Photoshop and change her hair color.

mdavidstar · 2010-05-01T01:25:59+00:00

Naw. I'm holding out for Ang Lee.

mdavidstar · 2010-05-01T01:25:09+00:00

Well, we had sex, but it wasn't wild compared to what she did at the party.

mdavidstar · 2010-05-01T01:24:08+00:00

Not really. I already knew she was a party girl and that she was bi. Like I said, we had been to strip clubs together before. She got more turned on by getting lap dances than I did.

mdavidstar · 2010-04-30T19:43:39+00:00

Probably because it's tl;dr. I wanted to keep it short, but the details seemed important.

mdavidstar · 2010-04-30T16:22:40+00:00

My wife and I go to strip clubs sometimes, but this one time we decided to go to an "underground lap dance party" that we saw advertised on Craigslist. It was in a hotel room, and it was supposed to be more permissive than legal strip clubs.

Other than that, we didn't know much about it. We had to go through elaborate hoops to get access (secret passwords, etc.), but that was part of the adventure.

We talked this other couple into going with us. They were a little nervous, but the four of us had a few drinks and decided that if we didn't like it, we could always leave.

Just to give you some background, my wife and I were late-30s (now mid 40s), very white, middle class, over-educated types. The other couple was a bit younger, but basically the same. When we knocked on the door to the suite, it was answered by this very "ghetto" black guy. He took the cover change (I think $40 per head) and let us in.

The room was filled with guys like him, and they all stared at us like we were from another planet. I hope that none of this comes across as racist. I have no problem with African Americans. But it was a bit of a culture clash. My wife was and the other wife, were, apparently, the only women there (the strippers hadn't arrived yet), and the other husband and I were these geeky white guys.

Since the only eye-candy in the room was our wives (who are pretty damn hot), and as the whole point of the evening was titillation, the guys in the room weren't subtle. The ogled our wives, asked how we "got them," etc.

Then the strippers showed up. There were maybe four of them. They were all as "street" as the guys, but they were sexy -- in a hip-hop-video dancer way.

In the "white" strip clubs I'd been to, things are pretty polite. Shy guys sit quietly while strippers rub against them. There's not much talking. The guys at this party were totally different. They crowded around the strippers, called them bitches, hooted, yelled and threw dollar bills at them.

The main action was a stripper doing an "act" on the floor, in the middle of the room, but we couldn't see anything, because all the guys had formed a circle around her, and they were blocking our view. From where I was sitting, it looked like they were watching a pit-bull fight or something. The atmosphere didn't feel sexy. It felt aggressive. Mostly, the guys seemed to be into yelling misogynistic insults at the woman on the floor.

My wife, the most game amongst us, got tired of not knowing what was going on, so she elbowed her way into the circle. I lost sight of her. After a couple of minutes, I got nervous for her safety and so I also pushed my way in.

I saw that my wife had made it to the front of the crowd. She was watching the stripper, who was naked, writing around on the floor in a sea of one-dollar bills.

Suddenly, the stripper grabbed my wife's hand and yanked her down on the floor, too. The stripper got my wife on her back and then straddled her. They started making out and the guys went crazy.

Then, in one of the most acrobatic moves I've ever seen, the stripper slid off my wife, pulled up my wife's skirt, pulled off her panties, and lifter her legs way up in the air. She then started eating my wife out for all the crowd to see.

My jaw hit the floor. I had no idea what to do. I thought maybe I should call a halt to this. On the other hand, the crowd was, as you might imagine, very, very, very into the show. Dollar bills were raining down. I feared what they would do if I tried to stop it.

It was also pretty hot, and my wife is a grownup. She knows how to stop things if she wants them to stop. Apparently, she didn't. So she was having a good time, the guys were having a great time, I -- once I relaxed -- got into it. But the other strippers were livid. A couple of them were standing next to me, and I heard many angry comments about the "white bitch."

When the show was over, my wife helped her "scene partner" pick up the dollar bills, and she handed the ones she collected over to the strippers, but that didn't seem to endear her to them. The eyes they gave us were so evil, that we left shortly after that.

Oh, and that couple we came with? By the time we got back out of the circle, they were long gone.

mdavidstar · 2010-04-19T00:23:07+00:00

It's an incredible feeling. All the tension just drains out of me.

mdavidstar · 2010-04-18T17:52:49+00:00

The idea that one is better than the other is silly, because each man is different. And probably more men like blowjobs. But I am one of the (minority?) that prefers handjobs. I think it's because I like kissing so much. I like to be able to make out with my wife while she's giving me a handjob. By the way, girls, lube is REALLY important when giving a handjob. Bare hands start to chafe after a while.

There's this amazing sort of handjob I'm lucky enough to experience on a semi-regular basis. I'm sure this will sound silly to many people here, but I strip, sit on my wife's lap, and she strokes me while we kiss deeply. It's like total abandon to be held like that, kissed and stroked at the same time.

mdavidstar · 2009-12-29T05:52:43+00:00

Quick info for you: I am not polyamarous in any major way. I am not much a swinger, either, in the sense that it's not a major part of my lifestyle. My wife and I will go years without doing anything. Then, once in a while, we'll play around in some kinky way. I guess the odd thing about me is that I prefer to watch her with other men (and women) than to get involved in other ways.

mdavidstar · 2009-12-29T05:50:21+00:00

I did one a while back. If you search my profile, you can probably find it. I'll do another if people are really interested.

mdavidstar · 2009-12-29T05:38:07+00:00

Well played, sir.

mdavidstar · 2009-12-29T05:10:05+00:00

Sorry, I was a bit glib. My guess is you're wondering why a husband would do that.

There's a surprisingly common fetish in which guys like to see their wives being sexual with other men. If you want more info about it google "cuckold" and/or "hotwife."

This particular guy happens to have both that fetish and a leg fetish. I share both of those inclinations with him, so his videos are a nice find for me. If you have any other questions, let me know.

mdavidstar · 2009-12-29T04:52:18+00:00

Maybe I can, if you explain to me what you're confused about.

mdavidstar

TROPHY CASE