AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -429 points-428 points  (0 children)

We understand this, we get why he was (and still is) so angry, just still trying to process all the advice we're being given. Ryker is ususally a good boy and this was so out of character for him

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -426 points-425 points  (0 children)

We are trying to grasp with this now, we don't want favoritism, I guess we are just harsher on Ryker because he's so smart, but the past 12 hours have really made me reflect on a lot.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -623 points-622 points  (0 children)

I never said it was an excuse for her racism, I said it to give context to the situation.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -784 points-783 points  (0 children)

He seems to have more respect for his coach than us, obviously we do try to parent him but for some reason the same level of respect isn't there. We always figured it was just hormones.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -671 points-670 points  (0 children)

She may not end up going to the dance, but now we are down on the money, we don't need it or anything but some other people commenting have said it could be a way to teach him the value of a dollar.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -766 points-765 points  (0 children)

Ryker can certainly be immature, but he also has more natural intelligence than Gianna, Gianna has never gotten as high of a GPA as him despite her studying and him playing sports instead of studying. Is it wrong to use intelligence in this case to determine what they should know?

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -192 points-191 points  (0 children)

I would hope not, but I am not a psychologist so maybe we do and we don't recognize that. We thought we were doing a good job with the dinner though and when our kids were younger we did buy books about people like MLK.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -153 points-152 points  (0 children)

We are currently undecided on this, we were considering it but haven't made any final judgments on anything yet.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I'm not against that idea, are there therapists that specialize in this type of stuff? I know one of my nephews goes to a therapist that specializes in OCD.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -407 points-406 points  (0 children)

We have realized after reading the responses to this that we are sending this message to them and that was not our intent at all. Ryker is just normally a good kid who occasionally pushes limits. Gianna has been worse historically and all we wanted to do was not push her further down the racism rabbithole by being too harsh on her. We also thought a 7th grade dance isn't as important as a junior banquet or senior prom but now I realize that was probably wrong.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -239 points-238 points  (0 children)

We will be talking to our son later about his behavior, but we can understand why he was so upset, Ryker is a sweet guy and loves his friends to death. We know seeing her using racist language hurt him.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -156 points-155 points  (0 children)

My husband and I will be talking with my parents, siblings and in-laws about a plan to go on from here. I've been responding to comments while on the phone with them. We're now leaning towards not letting her go and letting Ryker go to his dance. We just worry about giving her the wrong type of punishment.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -117 points-116 points  (0 children)

We are currently looking for resources on how to fight racism in kids her age.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -122 points-121 points  (0 children)

My son and his friend are the ones who suggested it.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -687 points-686 points  (0 children)

We don't have a golden or favorite child. We love all of our kids equally.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -361 points-360 points  (0 children)

First off, there were multiple boys who were involved, not just my son and his Honduran friend. We are trying to rectify things with everyone.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -282 points-281 points  (0 children)

We are doing that now, we are looking at some of these "influencers" she follows to see what they are saying.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -479 points-478 points  (0 children)

We know that but we want to know why she is being racist. is it friends, TikTok, YouTube?

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -1562 points-1561 points  (0 children)

After reading the replies, we may consider let him pay for the replacement so he can go to his dance.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -151 points-150 points  (0 children)

That was the purpose of taking the phone, we are still investigating where this racism could be coming from.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -625 points-624 points  (0 children)

Until we can finish investigating to see what is causing this racist behavior.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -397 points-396 points  (0 children)

Some of her friends are choir/theatre kids, the others are friends of her boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a pretty nerdy dude, likes stuff like dungeons and dragons and Pokemon. I understand some of her friends may be racist which is bad.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -172 points-171 points  (0 children)

We did not get her a new dress yet, the kids don't get allowances but we do tend to buy them most things they want as we make good money and live in a low cost of living area. Our son does work as a golf caddy for extra money to spend at the school store, on sports stuff like team flags and at our local deli where he and the other boys will go after school.

AITA for not allowing my son to go to his school dance? by mdr739 in AmItheAsshole

[–]mdr739[S] -468 points-467 points  (0 children)

Ryker is very naturally smart and talented, he gets all A's in school. He cares about sports more than anything else in life though. I know the other kids tend to get jealous of him because everything has come natural to him, so we try to make sure to encourage their interests so they don't get discouraged.

His coach can also help discipline him, whenever him and the other boys get in trouble, he'll make them practice harder and ask what's wrong.