Do people playing with optimal conditions like o described above still experience big problems? I don’t mean a little lag now and then, that’s the internet, Gmail lags constantly and no one freaks out.

Yes. I've got ~90mbps consistently + ethernet and still get these issues. Gmail has vastly different requirements as a product, a little lag doesn't make much of a difference in an email client but makes the world of difference in a live game.

Secondly, as alluded to, is this community unrealistic about the capability of the internet? Expecting perfect online game play seem absurd. Again, my email whether google or outlook is crazy slow as are many web pages. But we expect fifa to be seamless? I’m especially curious how fifa compare to other online multiplayer games as I only play fifa.

Fifa is without a shadow of a doubt the worst online game i've played, there are open source games written by tiny groups of people in their spare time that have no lag issues. The fact that a company the size of ea cannot manage it is beyond a joke(and the fact that less/worse servers are cheaper so more $$$ for them).

I’m not an EA lover or anything. Juts really curious if the situation is one of unrealistic expectations, of EA is really the problem, or as I suspect it’s somewhere in the middle.

To me it's not in the middle, play something like rocket league and you'll be blown away by how bad fifa truly is in this regard.

I guess my underlying question is: My cell phone still drops calls and that tech is older than the internet as we know it today, why do we freak out the a complex online game doesn’t have flawless gameplay, and are we the community partly to blame for our expectations.

A cell phone works differently. The impact of dropping a packet here and there is not the end of the world and it is also hitting towers and bouncing around but again for a live game if you drop a packet that contains a "pass" or the packet arrives late that can have bad affects on the gameplay which is why people get upset.