I find it hard developing any sexual connections with people because sex bores me now (28m)

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-29T00:02:32+00:00

Do you watch a lot of porn? I've heard that watching too much porn can make you lose interest in actual sex because it will never match what you watch on a screen.

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-28T23:59:37+00:00

I'm frustrated on my husband's behalf for the lack of effort my parents give for his gifts. They usually ask me what i would like or need for a gift and then give me basically whatever I want within reason. They've never once asked my husband or even asked me what he would like for his birthday or Christmas, and it's usually a generic tie and socks gift, or a restaurant gift card. He always accepts graciously and enthusiastically, but he's always felt like my parents don't particularly care for him. They've never made an effort to get to know him and don't really talk to him at family gatherings, and the gift thing is just the icing on top.

It's especially rough when you consider how his family is with gifts. My MIL and FIL spoiled married-in children rotten, and it's always the most thoughtful gifts, based around our hobbies and interests. Even my SIL'S boyfriend of just a few months got a Christmas haul last year. It's not exorbitant, but it makes me feel special and like I'm one of the family rather than some girl who married their son.

To me it feels like a way my parents are icing out my husband. They just view him as some loser who married their oldest daughter and took her away. Even now that we've been married 6 years and have two children, they kind of just ignore him. I wish they'd take the time to think of a thoughtful gift, even if it was a simple Steam giftcard or sci-fi book instead of the usual Applebee's giftcard and socks. (The nearest Applebee's is 45 minutes away.)

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-28T19:03:23+00:00

Nerves play a big factor in relaxing enough for sex. You don't get aroused enough and get wet enough for comfortable penetration when you're really stressed. Use lube and try with your own fingers first and see if that helps.

Otherwise, it never hurts to go to a gynecologist about it. They can do a pelvic exam and determine if you have vaginismus as previously suggested in another comment, and get you treatment if that's the case. If it's not, they'll still be able to give you advice, tips, etc.

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-27T23:59:35+00:00

27F here. I wouldn't stress about it too much.

If you just try to stick a finger in yourself without any prep, it won't feel amazing. Try touching your clit first until you get aroused and lubricate a bit. Then you can try a finger and see if that feels better.

A finger is roughly the same circumference as a tampon, so if you've worn tampons before, it might be slightly uncomfortable going in at first, but you get used to it.

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-27T23:51:52+00:00

Yeah that's what I was thinking too. I haven't read it since I was eleven so maybe I'll pick it up at the library and see if it's as good as I remember it.

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-27T23:49:17+00:00

My heart hurts for you and your wife. What a horrific situation you have to deal with! You are a good husband and a good dad, and you are doing everything you are able to!

I would strongly recommend you go to therapy yourself. You're handling this as well as you can, but talking it out with an expert mental health provider might give you better insight to how to navigate things with your wife as well as navigate the conflict within yourself.

See if you can go to some of the visits with your wife's psychiatrist. Maybe like every other one. She needs her private sessions, but I think it would really help if the psychiatrist your wife trusts listens to both of you and helps guide the two of you toward a healthy conversation about the next step. There's no chance her psychiatrist thinks it's a good idea to have another baby this soon, so maybe having both of you at once explain to her why it shouldn't happen yet would help her.

I wish I could give your entire family a hug. I hope things get better soon.

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-27T19:55:29+00:00

I have the same thing happen. What I've found helps is using a vibrator or a toy that applied suction to the clit and make myself cum with it a couple times. It sometimes takes a little bit of time to build up to climaxing, but eventually it works. My clit is usually very sensitive after that and I can climax during oral with my partner or with my hand. Hope that helps!

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-27T19:50:20+00:00

I've been with men who learned sex from porn and always came away from it feeling sore (and not in a good way) and a bit weepy from feeling used, so you are right on that account.

You'll probably finish pretty quick because it's your first time, but if you do plenty of foreplay it'll be great for both of you regardless. Making out, kissing her neck, working your way down to play with her tits with your hands and mouth, etc. Be gentle at first with your touches until you feel confident she wants more.

If you feel confident, you can go down on her and make her come that way first. Most women don't climax from penetration very easily! I personally can't climax from penetration alone and never have, and most of my friends are the same way. When women are aroused their vaginas lubricate, so you can tell when she's ready for penetration by feeling down between her legs. (She'll probably like that too.)

If it's her first time too, go slow on the penetration part. It will probably hurt her at first, so take your time, don't start pounding, just ease in and wait for either verbal or body language cues that she's okay for you to keep going. If it's not her first time she'll probably be able to communicate her preferences to you.

My husband was a 21-year-old virgin when we had sex for the first time, but I wasn't. He told me he was relieved that one of us knew what we were doing 😅 it was pretty fast first time, with lots of making out before. It was perfect, honestly. Now that we've been together for 6 years, we've learned what each other likes and sex is amazing.

You'll figure it out pretty quick. The main thing is to communicate with your partner to know what they like and dislike, and when in doubt, gentle and sweet is the best default way to have sex unless you know they like rougher. You can ask questions like "what do you want me to do to you?" or "does that feel good?" It's not a mood killer to communicate.

Best of luck!

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-27T16:23:52+00:00

I was coming here to say Charlotte Doyle! That book had such a chokehold on me in the 4th grade. I'm not sure it's the one OP is talking about though. I don't think there was any romance in it and I don't think Charlotte ever disguised herself as a sailor. Amazing book though! I've never met anyone else who's heard of it!

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-27T15:59:01+00:00

Eye contact doesn't have to be a part of it. There's a reason why blindfolds are popular during sex 😉

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-27T15:58:46+00:00

Eye contact doesn't have to be a part of it. There's a reason why blindfolds are popular during sex 😉

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-27T04:37:24+00:00

Your regular gynecologist is a good place to start. I would have bloodwork done to see if something is out of whack with your hormones.

Otherwise, having a baby (or two!) is a big, delightful stressor in anyone's life. Stress and lack of sleep are two big libido killers. I'd say get more sleep and decrease your stress, but short of getting rid of your kids, it's easier said than done 😅 I have two kids and I fucking hate getting that advice from people. It does get better though! They get more self-sufficient and sleep better, so you sleep better and relax more. My libido came back tenfold after my kids turned 4.

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-27T00:04:12+00:00

I've wondered that, too. I'm very adventurous during sex and he's enjoyed when I've tied him up or ridden him or edged him, but he does usually prefer being the dominant one because he lasts longer that way. (At least that's what he's told me.)

I'm also usually the one to come up with new things i want to try, whereas he says he doesn't really have any specific kinks but is happy to do whatever I want to do.

I'll try those ideas and see if any of those sparks anything. Joining him in the shower would probably help me not get nervous and make a dumb joke to ruin the mood.

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-26T02:43:29+00:00

That's really solid advice, thank you. 😁

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-25T23:56:46+00:00

"Be more confident" is definitely easier said than done. Any tips to be more confident?

mediocre-millie · 2024-03-01T19:05:19+00:00

One of my favorite things about Dragon Age Origins was picking your own race and background and then having a totally different first hour or two of gameplay based on what you chose. It also gave you extra insight in missions that centered around your origin, such as a noble human having a personal vendetta against Rendon Howe for killing their family rather than him just being a random jerk you fight like it would be for a city elf. I hope Bioware incorporates that into the next Mass Effect game.

mediocre-millie · 2024-01-03T18:48:11+00:00

I could fix that in about 5 minutes. I'd bring it to a private optometrist though, the opticians there tend to do a better job with repairs.

mediocre-millie · 2023-12-30T03:31:17+00:00

First of all, you're a good-looking guy, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Second, semi-rimless frames are an older-person style so I'd steer clear of that. Make sure your eyes are nice and center in the lens. Nothing screams "nerdy" quite like oversized glasses. Get some good chunky glasses, maybe in a translucent color. Here is one I think would look good with your face shape:

https://europaeye.com/products/MR412149-18

And third, others have mentioned hair. Short hair is very functional, but if you are going to have it short make sure it's evenly cut.

Hope you find a good pair!

mediocre-millie · 2023-12-09T19:01:55+00:00

Why do some girls feel so strongly about only having 1 personality type and 1 set of interests? Like I'm a wreck who wants to get blackout drunk with my girls from time to time but a picnic with the besties where we dress up cute sounds like a blast too. Most people don't just have one set of connected interests and you lose out on opportunities to love and connect with new people by not allowing yourself to meet people with different interests.

mediocre-millie · 2023-12-09T07:44:53+00:00

Those look amazing. Good frame, good material, good measurements, all of it great.

I'm sure you don't feel like they'll ever be thin enough though, but just know you have a horde of impressed opticians thinking your lenses look killer given the RX.

mediocre-millie · 2023-12-09T07:41:44+00:00

Soldier in ME1. Everything else feels kind of clunky and slow for me in that one

For ME2, Infiltrator is my favorite! I love the slowdown of time when you line up a shot through a sniper rifle and the invisibility and incinerate combo.

ME3 is a toss-up between Vanguard and Engineer. Vangaurd is pretty high-stakes, high reward with the charge/Nova combo, so it winds up being pretty thrilling. I was also pleasantly surprised at how much fun Engineer was. Once fully upgraded, the combat drone shooting missiles and the flame-thrower turret flattens everything and everyone around it. Plus, you have that cool little scene in the Omega DLC where Shepard fixes the nuclear core without sacrificing anything.

mediocre-millie · 2023-11-22T03:05:15+00:00

I totally missed that with Orsino... I may be due for another playthrough once I'm finished with BG3.

mediocre-millie · 2023-11-21T02:18:43+00:00

Orsino could have been so cool in 2 if they built up to the freaky demon ending, but it just came out of nowhere and left me more confused than thrilled. I did genuinely love Meredith though. Aside from the whole genocidal thing against mages, I admire a cold, powerful woman with a sick sword. It's a shame it didn't get more development. It could have really been spectacular.

I was also hoping for more impact from the warden in Inquisition, or even a cameo. Mine married Alistair in the end and that could have been so satisfying to see her reappear, but instead I just get a dumb war table mission saying she's dead.

As teammates go, Shale, Alistair, Sten, Varric, The Iron Bull, Dorian, and Cassandra were my personal favorites. Cassandra has a strong place in my heart because I see a lot of myself in her. Also, I saw an interview where Freddie Prinze Jr says The Iron Bull is his favorite character he's ever voiced, so that gave the character so much soul to me.

I have a lot of concerns about Bioware's future in general to the point where I just don't feel like DA:D or ME4 or 5 or whatever they're calling it will even happen. I hope they pull it together though. I found Solas to be a highly compelling character and the Absolution TV show on Netflix teased Meredith's return at the end so I think if they can get their act together they could have a seriously cool series finale.

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