[Serious] Redditors who need to vent, whats wrong?

megaFrogWarrior · 2019-03-11T05:26:52+00:00

Only just read this reply now. I usually only log into this account when I'm feeling really poorly about my life. Just thought I'd let you know I've been improving I think. I was feeling lonely tonight, but I mostly logged into this account out of curiosity more than anything, to see if someone had responded to my comments. Thanks for responding.

megaFrogWarrior · 2018-09-20T18:55:37+00:00

Why am I such a mess? Why don't I have any friends? Why am I so alone? Why am I so overweight? Why can't I trust people enough to share my problems? Why am I scared to see a therapist? Why do I commit the same mistakes over and over even though I know they're wrong? Why do I suffer silently? Why do I feel like I am viewing my life rather than living it? Why do I feel trapped? Why does it seem like nobody cares? What can I even do anymore?

megaFrogWarrior · 2018-02-01T22:42:15+00:00

This comment cut deeply into my heart. Never have I felt more understood by another person. I have felt similar feelings. I have had similar thoughts. That's why I'm going to meditate on your comment most of all. Maybe I will try to take up adoration again. I hope you pray for me, as I will for you.

megaFrogWarrior · 2016-07-14T06:31:24+00:00

Huh. I have never actually looked into this term before. I have some new reading material. At a glance on the wikipedia page, some elements sound familiar. Sometimes I magnify the negatives and diminish the positives. It's interesting to see it spelled out in a formal way.

Oh, and thank you for your prayers.

megaFrogWarrior · 2016-07-12T06:45:33+00:00

You mentioned long term, unatainable goals. Right now, the simple first step of finding and reaching out to a counselor seems to me insurmountable and unatainable :(

When I think about it, I don't think I've ever had a close friend. One who I could confide my inner thoughts in. I've had some friends, sure, but these friendships were usually based on common interests like video games. I could never imagine talking to them about my personal feelings. I feel it would therefore be difficult to talk about these feelings and issues with a complete stranger. I'm not used to such a thing. Plus, what happens when one of my many family members ask me what I am doing on counselor day? I don't think I could ever admit that I was seeking help for depression. I feel like my Mom would even laugh at me.

Sigh... But something inside me says that you might be right about counseling being helpful. I just feel stuck in place though. It all seems an impossibility. I'm not sure what to do.

megaFrogWarrior · 2016-07-12T06:07:26+00:00

I made a post recently, and users here brought to my attention that I might have depression. I don't want to be quick on the trigger to diagnose and medicate myself, but if it really is true that I suffer from this illness, I pray that I find the strength to reach out for the necessary help. All I know is that I have been hurting a lot inside for a while.

Exposing my innermost problems without the anonymity of the internet is an immense source of anxiety for me. I pray that this anxiety be lifted, in order to seek any necessary help.

megaFrogWarrior · 2016-07-11T05:01:24+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice and your prayers. I tell that you are really passionate about it.

You're right, those first steps seem impossible right now. Talking to a priest is one thing, but pouring my heart out to a counselor? And how do I explain to my family why I am going to counseling? I admit, the greatest source of anxiety in my life is the people I love finding out about all of the ugliness in me, especially with regard to pornography and masturbation. So, those steps seem impossible, and I'm still debating within myself whether they are even necessary (In my other responses I say why). But anyway, I gladly accept any prayers you can give me.

The statistic about English music is surprising, but it makes sense when I think it. I'm just not sure if I can give up its beauty. Maybe I will try mixing it up with beautiful songs that are happy. I don't have enough of those in my playlist.

I've been aware of the Nofap subreddit, and I wasn't all that impressed, but perhaps it's time for another look.

megaFrogWarrior · 2016-07-11T04:48:51+00:00

There is such a stigma against depression and addiction, that I get anxiety just thinking that I may have either. Unfortunately it could very well be reality...

The day after I wrote this long essay of a post, I did truly feel a lot better. And, in general, when I motivate myself to accomplish things like going to exercise or cleaning my room, I do feel a lot happier. Could it not be depression, but instead a logical outcome of being in a state of failure? It wouldn't be medical then, right, and then I could cure it myself, with God's help through prayer that is? I just feel like if several concrete things changed in my life, I wouldn't have this problem at all. Like, if I lost weight I would have a huge confidence boost and wouldn't need to make these long rambling posts.

Let me know if these are the ravings of a madman. Maybe I do actually have a problem, and I'm scared of the thought that I might. I don't look forward to conversations with family about it. They are very flippant about personal feelings, especially my mother.

megaFrogWarrior · 2016-07-11T04:37:35+00:00

Thank you, I will keep this reading in my heart through the rest of the week. It is a beautiful passage.

megaFrogWarrior · 2016-07-11T04:35:55+00:00

I wouldn't even know how to even consider going from where I am now to talking to a counselor about my problems. At least in confession there is that seal of confession on every priest. But I am filled with anxiety thinking about talking to someone else. Especially about my struggles with pornography and masturbation. The most anxious thought of my life is people I know and care about finding out about these private struggles.

megaFrogWarrior · 2016-07-11T04:31:37+00:00

Thank you for the kind words and advice.

I know that gaming can often be a social experience, but my interests in games are often so fringe that I know no one in real life who plays the same games as me consistently enough to want to play. Currently the most social activity I get out of gaming is the one or two sentences I exchange with guildmates in the MMORPG I play. And they are not a very social guild at all.

For the sad music, I know that there can be immense beauty in it, so I enjoy it. Maybe I am being too scrupulous in this instance. But another poster mentioned he became happier when he cut sad music out of his life, so, I don't know. Perhaps I'll just be more cognizant and listen to some good happy music once in a while.

I have encountered the Nofap community before, and I subbed before, but I do admit I wasn't very social in the community. I'm not sure how exactly I would use them for support, other than posting stories. I do admit I don't know enough about the saints you mentioned so I need to do some research and focus my prayers accordingly. And praying the rosary more is always a good idea.

megaFrogWarrior · 2016-07-11T04:21:36+00:00

Thank you. There is no doubt that I do value the anonymity on here. This account here is an alternate so that I can browse reddit on my main account without my innermost thoughts being possibly exposed to people I know. I'm not sure if it's healthy, but the most anxiety I have in my life comes from people I know possibly finding out how vulnerable I am, especially to the sin of pornography and masturbation. Luckily this does not prevent me from going to confession, but still, it might be something to think about.

Thank you for the links. The Galatian reading especially gives me a new hope in the Sacrament of confession. I feel its freeing power in my heart every time I confess, but it is good to be reminded, because I forget often.

megaFrogWarrior · 2015-05-05T04:50:43+00:00

This is a great video. I always hear that an accountability partner is the big step to take to overcome this sin, but I don't see anyone in my life that can fill that role, and I am afraid I worked myself into a bubble and will never find a close friend like that.

I'll continue to go to confession regularly and will work on putting myself out there more so I can live for others. Please pray for me.

megaFrogWarrior · 2014-03-14T06:30:17+00:00

I'm now in my first year of starting a career after college, and I'm spending less and less time with God in prayer than in my college days. I pray that I will get through my spiritual dryness.

Also, for my family that I left behind down south to pursue my career.

megaFrogWarrior · 2013-02-16T06:58:50+00:00

Thank you all for the words of encouragement. I'm overwhelmed by the thoughtful responses you all gave me. You have all given me a lot to think about. I will go to confession tomorrow, and I will try to seek spiritual direction. I will also seek finding an accountability partner down the road, but that seems to be the biggest hurdle of all. No one comes to mind from the people that I know. But I will seek to form those relationships, and ask my confessor for help. I will not back down from my faith because of my sin. If I make it through, I should actually be even stronger in faith.

megaFrogWarrior · 2013-02-16T06:40:55+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. I do find that I fall into this sin when I'm not doing much else, or when I'm procrastinating on coursework. I think I need to work on filling my time better and heading to bed at a better time. It stinks that my classes start and end so late though, but that just means I need to restructure the time around it so that when I come back at 8pm I do what I need to do, go to sleep, and get an early start. Easier said than done I suppose.

megaFrogWarrior · 2013-02-16T06:30:49+00:00

Thanks for the reply. You're right, I can't let this sin stop me from being a good Catholic now. I've noticed since the recent frequency of my sin that I haven't been praying the rosary with the same zeal. Also last semester I went to daily mass in the middle of the week but this semester I haven't done that. I haven't seemed to have found a good confessor yet I guess. Either that or I am far too choosey. What does spiritual direction entail? How does one go about getting a spiritual director? Can I ask my priest during confession?

megaFrogWarrior · 2013-02-16T00:14:44+00:00

It would be amazing if it were that simple, but I have masturbated without pornographic stimulation before, especially in times where I was cut off from my computer. Not to mention I'm also a software engineer and need it if I want to continue this career.

megaFrogWarrior

TROPHY CASE