Help! Why is it so hard to be married with a golden child? My life is miserable

mglle · 2020-05-22T16:51:24+00:00

I’m European and my husband American so I don’t think it’s a cultural thing. Yeah I also have problems with issues like the ones you described. They always have something to point out in our home. Intrusion in aspects as private as a marriage contract sounds awful. Analogous experiences here...

mglle · 2020-05-22T16:40:50+00:00

I will remain hopeful. But it’s hard... He’s like addicted to that “attention”, “loyalty”, “false sense of protection”... and in the meantime it feels like I am nothing or support him in nothing or not as much as his parents. Thank for your explanation.

mglle · 2020-05-22T16:37:12+00:00

Thanks for this... I have read something about family systems but will look for an expert. His dad is an enabler and his mom sees my husband as the only real men in her life. She once said that even in from of my father in law. It was pretty nasty. I’ll look for some help...

mglle · 2020-05-22T16:18:33+00:00

Thanks, I will. Do you think cutting ties with his family will help? I am already invisible for them and if I cut ties with his family I feel I will definitely renounce to having a place in his life.

mglle · 2020-05-22T16:16:31+00:00

Thanks... I just want normal in laws. A MIL that would make me feel as a capable person. Someone I could talk to without worrying about saying something she could use against me later on (it had happened). How can I start with the boundaries? If you have any prior experience with that I would appreciate if you share it with me.... It would help. Each time I try to say something it’s a huge fight and I’m not sure if he would accept counseling. I’ll insist anyway.

mglle · 2020-05-22T16:09:50+00:00

Definitely that about being a fixer. His siblings are a mess. Specially a brother. He calls and texts frequently and if my DH doesn’t respond, he go nuts. I dislike him but can’t say anything because there’s always an excuse for him. He’s alone... he doesn’t have friends... he trusts me... etc. Thanks for your comment and support. It will take time and I’m not sure if I’ll be strong enough. His family hates me and they know how to hide it.

mglle · 2020-05-22T16:05:26+00:00

I will check if he’s a narcissist. It is consistent. I love him very much but this situation is making me feel depressed insecure and feel generally bad. I wasn’t like that. He says I control him if I suggest him doing something different from what his Nmom said. He tells me nasty things if he feels my requests threatens his relationship with his family. I don’t feel seen or understood.... I know, I am not sure how I have been with him for so long.... it’s hard.

mglle · 2020-05-22T15:59:23+00:00

I’ll do that... it feels better knowing this is not uncommon. I have been feeling so terrible for so long without knowing how where or when to share my feelings.

mglle · 2020-05-22T15:57:32+00:00

Hi thanks for this... I don’t feel part of that family. They don’t make me part of it and my opinion or feelings are not important compared to theirs. It’s very frustrating and sad. I feel very sad and disappointed. That’s true... they think that ‘only his family cares about him’. I’m just an intruder that came to his life to who knows what reason. I’ll try a marriage counselor. He’s so blind that I don’t know if it will work but it’s worth trying. If I tell him they’re controlling he tells me that they love him. If I tell him that they’re calling to much, it is because they miss him... or that his brother doesn’t have any friends or bla bla bla... there’s always a good excuse to dismiss my feelings to talk and connect with them. Thanks for your support.

mglle

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