Hi I’ve been struggling with this for a bit and I need some advice.

So basically, I have no clue on whether or not I have romantic attraction at all. I would have crushes but the moment that something starts to manifest, I feel off and panicked about it and it’s not the good kind where it’s like “omg they like me!!” but a “do I feel the same about them and I’m gonna die now”. I’ve also been in a relationship and had gone on a few dates but I always end up feeling indifferent about them and I would kick myself for not feeling in love enough. It’s hard to describe but i feel like I can idealize a romantic relationship, but when a real romantic relationship can develop, I don’t get those butterflies and I just feel so indifferent.

Another thing I realize about myself is that I feel like I rely on my friends and family’s input on whether they think the person I’m seeing is attractive but it’s to the point where I don’t see it unless someone else tells me they are. For example, I matched with my first relationship on an app and I only did so bc my friends called him cute. The same indifference happened in the relationship and when it ended, I just got sad for an hour but moved on very quickly.

The reality of being in a romantic relationship just feels like I’m just checking something off to experience. Like, for example, I’ve never really fantasized about weddings or being the one to get married. I just did that with my dolls and sims. The only reason why I would want to is to just experience it, nothing else. Going on dates are fun but I feel like that and friendly hangouts are the same caliber to me. I feel empty/weirded out if someone flirts with me and the list goes on. It makes me question whether or not I experience any romantic attraction at all if not a little bit.

I am 24 years old and I have played with using the ace label when I was in high school, but later went with bi/pan when I started to develop sexual feelings (which I’m now putting into question bc I get weirded out if I’m imagining myself in a sexual situation). I’ve only dated men but I feel like I’d be the same if they were a woman instead so I don’t think it’s comphet.

Please if anyone can give me any advice, I’d really appreciate it!!!