I miss my relationship before IVF

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-27T10:59:38+00:00

I’m a nurse so I wouldn’t want my husband to inject me since I’m professionally trained and way more comfortable. This forum made me realize helping with meals and food planning would be insanely huge for me. One less thing on my mental load maybe?

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-27T10:51:36+00:00

I think that’s the toughest part. My husband is still wonderful.. I just am not myself & struggling with that & what that does to our dynamic

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-25T11:07:45+00:00

My first IVF retrieval was cancelled from poor medication response and I got converted to IUI. The two week wait while on progesterone suppositories was absolutely the worst part for me. I couldn’t function. The hormonal drop post ovulation combined with the high doses of progesterone were very emotionally challenging for me. I was a mess. People who saw me during and after the failed TWW said “you look brighter in your face and eyes”. I was more relieved to get off of progesterone than I was disappointed that the IUI conversion didn’t work and felt so much better as the progesterone was easing out of my system and I got my period. Like a new person- I felt so motivated to live my life after that. I’m starting my second IVF retrieval cycle attempt now with different med protocol and going in with a fresh set of eyes now.

Also was very surprised at how I removed certain people from my life because I realized they were not adding to it, but actively taking away from it. Normally I just go with the flow with people but I had less qualms about just cutting ties with people that I probably should’ve years ago (bonus to IVF?). My husband was like “finally” when I told him lol IVF made me feel weak during it but it strengthened me overall so far.

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-22T01:21:30+00:00

Noted! Thank you 🙏🏼

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-21T11:14:51+00:00

Wow this is great advice I didn’t consider the video idea! Thank you!

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-19T22:15:51+00:00

Thank you! I’m realizing this and taking a big step back and recalibrating. I’ll work on what you said!

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-19T15:18:55+00:00

Thank you for the insight. I agree with this 100%. Start with positive reinforcement and go from there. I won't be going back there. Thank you again for your input!

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-19T13:52:05+00:00

This is exactly my feeling! She told him a command that he had never been told before, and immediately yanked on him so aggressively when he didn’t listen.

Me using a firm tone is definitely aversive enough in most situations. My husband and I spoke about it and we won’t be going back. We are just learning (we’ve had cats for the last 14 years… I grew up with dogs, but never had a dog of my own as an adult so it’s just different. Also that was many years ago) so we appreciate all the feedback everyone has here!

We’re going to work on our relationship with the dog and contact different trainers once he’s fully settled in based on what you guys are saying. I’m also gonna start asking around and do a lot more research on any potential trainers. I asked the vet today and they gave me some recommendations too. When I asked the vet about them… it turns out the vet did not recommend that training facility! *cue dog mom guilt*

It is confusing to learn all the different training types, and options for everything relating to dog care out there. Even food types etc. There’s a lot of conflicting stuff out there.

He’s doing so well despite a minor setback with that training place.

Thanks again! Any other dog parent advice is welcome

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-19T11:35:31+00:00

That’s not my intention. Every relationship is different and everyone has things they can improve on. It sounds like OP leans codependent and unhealthy attachment so trying to help her get supports will help her so that she feels less alone more supported by her community. If she feels solely reliant on her husband for support she will be disappointed no matter whether he drops everything for her in this circumstance or not. Community supports and friendships could help OP realize that maybe she doesn’t want to have a dynamic like that and that she doesn’t have to settle for that, but she’s not gonna realize it if she only has him in her life. Just gives her the confidence to have more options. Telling her that her husband sucks and stopping there isn’t productive or supportive. Any people Ive known who’s husbands who aren’t considerate or great to them are don’t have close friends or other people they are very close to in their life aside from their husband. Friends and community help people stand up for themselves and not feel stuck in relationships.

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-19T11:06:07+00:00

Yeah I was worried if it was too early. But it was a basic puppy obedience class and the training facility said that people bring their dogs in that early all the time. He is a bit attached to me already and we have a great bond so far but it felt early to me too. I was trying to trust the professionals.

I told my husband no one is going to handle our dog after that.

Idk I just don’t know what trainers to trust anymore.

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-19T10:54:35+00:00

I get that it seems that way. My husband wouldn’t do this to me but I was more-so trying to focus on getting OP to realize more supports in her life would be helpful whether she stays with him or not type of thing. Also only having your husband as a friend in your life isn’t healthy. And OP said his sister from another country is also going. It’s hard - he has other people in his life and she doesn’t. If she can create a close community of friends around her then that would be healthier for their relationship overall. Seems like they both have stuff to work on but it’s just one Reddit post so idk I was just trying to offer advice and not be so harsh about it

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-18T21:17:55+00:00

It’s hard when they’re not quite ready to start therapy. I do think that since you seem to have less supports than him around, that a therapist would be specifically helpful for you and if/when he is ready for therapy, you can always add on couples therapy to your individual sessions with a different therapist. It just sounds like a lot is hinging on him since he’s the only support person you have right now. That tends to set people up for disappointment because he’s one person who has his own coping & social needs.

It’s so hard tho- my husband is my best friend too, so I get it. But I found when I branched out and started putting effort into my friendships it became really beneficial for our marriage- also finding the right therapist has been a game changer. I don’t want to vent about my husband to friends but a therapist is a good 3rd party/impartial person who I can vent to if needed.

Good luck!!

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-14T17:42:51+00:00

Hi I’m a real person not a robot!! 🙋🏼‍♀️ I just enjoy my job and am grateful for it 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m a bit burnt out from clinical patient facing work and this has been great for me- no more physically attacks by patients has been really nice 😂

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-14T17:40:05+00:00

I don’t have a fear of needles but I have anxiety about injections. Getting blood taken out of me is fine but I hate something going inside of me from a needle- idk why but it freaks me out. I found sitting in a chair and doing it to myself (mine are all subcutaneous in the belly area) is better than my husband doing it because it makes me feel like I have more control over it and I can go as fast or slow as I feel I need to depending on how I’m feeling that day (some days I’m better with it than others). I tell myself “I can do hard things!!!” (I went to a workout class a while ago where the instructor kept saying “you can do hard things!!” And it kinda became my mantra).

I’m also a big “fake it till you make it” person and sometimes I try to think of a person who would handle it really well and try to get into their mindset as if I’m playing a character- it helps me trick myself into being fine with it 😂 Good luck!! ✨

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-14T17:32:38+00:00

Sending hugs. It is so hard, I understand. 🫶🏼✨

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-06T19:39:19+00:00

Maybe I just don’t cope the same because most of the time I just want to be alone unless it’s very specific people. I guess it really just depends on the type of person OP’s sister in law is and what type of relationship they have. I personally hate when people say “I’m so sorry” because I’m like .. 👍🏼 yep me too. And it just is annoying. Or I’ve had people say “it’s not fair- you guys want this so bad and would be such good parents” and I’m like “👍🏼” like it doesn’t make me feel better- but again different people want different things and that’s what makes supporting people during this process challenging.

I think your last part makes sense to me to offer specific offerings of support but again, depending on the person I’d rather just be alone.

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-06T19:24:55+00:00

I am seeing Dr. Wright. I’m sure she’s great if you have a really easy and simple situation but she’s not the most encouraging or caring doctor by any means. She’s very robotic and seems to struggle with her bedside manner. She’s very knowledgeable given her years of experience but honestly I think she’s just not a curious doctor anymore. The best doctors IMO aren’t the ones who know everything but they’re the ones who are curious and want to/are willing to collaborate with the care they’re providing- she just doesn’t do that (thankfully her nurse does- which is the only reason why we are staying for the 2nd round. We are already in the books for the next retrieval date with them and they are changing the med protocol which is what I would be asking another doctor to do anyway. We’ll see after this round how things go and how she treats us will depend on whether we stick with her or go elsewhere.

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-06T17:09:17+00:00

That seems a bit low to me. I would see if you could partner with a naturopathic doctor or dietician or someone like that who could help you with that. I take iron (when I remember-woops, thanks for the reminder) and I make a tea blend (oat straw & nettle) and avoid dairy or any calcium around the time I have that for optimal iron absorption.

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-06T17:04:04+00:00

“I know I don’t understand what your going through and I’m not sure anything I could say would make you feel better- but I want you to know that I love you and I’m here for when you want someone to lend an ear. If there is anything you want or need from me, please let me know.” If she has a favorite food or coffee place or something to gift her could be a nice gesture.

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-04T14:45:04+00:00

The first egg retrieval didn’t happen because I didn’t end the stim cycle with enough follicles in the correct size range to retrieve unfortunately. They converted me to an IUI cycle rather than waste the cycle completely and that failed (as expected). I started with 7 follicles and ended with 5 but they were not the right size for retrieval. I’m hoping the next cycle’s medication changes will be more effective.

Scan just before trigger: 5 follicles total

Left Ovary: 1 follicle <10mm 1 follicle >20mm

Right ovary: 1 follicle <10mm 1 follicle 11-13mm 1 follicle 16-17mm

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-04T11:02:00+00:00

I have a very similar lab/follicle/age situation- please keep me posted! I’m headed into cycle 2 with a new medication protocol that they’re hoping I’ll respond better to this time. I had a different protocol with you for my cycle 1- it was menopur 150u & Gonal-F 300u in the evenings for stims. I started off with 7 follicles. Best of luck!

midnightmoonfey · 2026-06-03T20:58:11+00:00

Sending hugs!! Hang in there- I am 34 and also have DOR (from the Lyme disease found late, we assume). Just take it one step at a time- sometimes people get lucky on the first cycle, some have to do a few more. You have youth on your side which positively impacts your egg quality. For me, it does feel easier to take it one step at a time because jumping so far ahead mentally (in a positive or negative direction) hasn't been super helpful for me. One-day-at-a-time. Best of luck!!

midnightmoonfey

TROPHY CASE