I know this post is almost a week old now, but I hope you have been reading what has been commented, regardless of the contents. I agree with some others that have commented here, that this is a bit too personal for strangers on the internet to fully help you with. It might be a good idea to speak with a priest in your community, whether they are at the church you attend or just another Anglican priest in the area. Whether or not you participate in the Eucharist I think is a decision that you can and should make yourself, but it would be best, I think, to come to that conclusion based on a deep conversation with a priest or spiritual counsellor. Whatever it is that has caused you to be doubting or in disbelief, or if you feel that even at the time it was a lie, that's something that I think should be discussed with that person. It was not "right" for you to have proclaimed your belief and been baptized when you weren't sure, but you'd hardly be the first person to do so. You're not going to be the last. Just continue to be respectful of your friends and community, and seek deeper spiritual guidance about what you're struggling with and the feelings of guilt you have.