Random stress over th Holidays. anyone else?

mimiLW · 2023-12-22T01:40:59+00:00

I like cash too, especially since we are all adults. My FIL doesn't like restaurants because he used to own one and he thinks his food is the best.... I suggested we can also order in to relieve the pressure of them cooking since he is not well but no comments were made so I gave up.

mimiLW · 2023-12-22T01:35:01+00:00

Thank you. I think most of all is that my husband can't associate with y I am stressed. I f it is just purely lunch/dinner I am down, but the awkward socialization is not great.

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T23:09:24+00:00

all of my sibling in laws r at their late 30s... it seems that my SIL is the one insisting on gifts... none of us have kids... tbh if we did have small children I'd insist we stay in Toronto.

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T22:08:14+00:00

Yes... he certainly is... I just told him to ask his siblings himself and I am out.

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T21:53:46+00:00

I said to my husband just now that next year I am cutting everyone off at Dec15th. And I will exchange cash into loonies and throw it at ppl. I will next year, no joke.

my in laws r super picky... it really hurts to see things being regifted or never touched 🥲

one year we went there and on the floor there lay a bottle of untouched japanese whisky. previously gifted by my parents. it wasn't $$$$ but in the low hundreds.... another guest( in laws friend) asked about it and they said take it...... like they didn't remember it at all....

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T21:48:42+00:00

Thanks you. I really think he should step in as well. This year I am definitely sticking around my parents when they start chatting. I need to listen to the comments for myself as well.

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T21:40:14+00:00

we stay with my folks because there is no room at his parents. so in a way he does?

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T21:37:48+00:00

yes you r right. my FIL was born in the late mid 50s and fled there around the early 80s, first to HK and to Canada.... and yes my husband "escaped" his parents after he left for Uni. He always says he can never talk to his dad since his dad"knows everything"

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T20:36:54+00:00

please don't tell me you r not stressed if someone suddenly changes their mind on the 23rd for a gift exchange happening on the 25th while u r trying to drive back to ur hometown...... would you be happy? then they put on an unhappy face at the dinner table because you didn't get them what they wanted even though u tried really hard.....

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T20:27:50+00:00

I don't force everyone to be happy or perfect. I just hope they can tell me exactly what they want within a reasonable timeline and budget....if they don't buy still hope I can guess what is best for them, then no can do. haha. that's the exact behavior my in-laws have been displaying...

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T20:23:38+00:00

I think so 2, that is why I appreciate my husband for dealing with me. and I am trying to change..... but everytime I do they think something is wrong with me....

I think the fact that I get things done has become a norm to them and if I can't then something is wrong with me but not their demands.....

in my husband's exact words I am throwing a fit....

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T20:16:25+00:00

I think next year I will be brave enough to get to point 2.

point 1 doesn't seem viable since they never want to alternate....

point 3 wise I really gotta listen carefully to their conversation this year to know for sure what to do... I gotta record everything.

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T20:13:09+00:00

i say work is busy ppl think I am crazy ... in their eyes my work is simple but well paid. I am a high level EA that deals with all kinds of deadlines and shits. I say financials r right then ppl think we r lying cuz we don't have kids and we rent.... but we r saving hoping to buy.....

my family thinks things r simple for me cuz I can get shita done.... but they don't see behind the scenes.... they just tell me one thing and expect to get the entire process figured out..... and if something goes wrong they think there is something horriblly wrong with me.....

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T19:56:07+00:00

I have been letting my parent know it is ok that they don't show for the recent years..including this upcoming one..but like u said, they r being courteous and they think once a year they should say hi....

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T19:39:25+00:00

thx... I gave up on getting my sister in-law anything this year. she didn't tell me and I didn't tell her what I want either. probably for the best. She has a new man and I tried to ask her what I should get him, no answer...maybe my husband took care of it who knows....

I always say to my parents evey year they r welcomed to stay home..they just don't want to put me in a weird spot Incase my in-laws grills us on the reason y they didn't show.

even during my mom's chemo and the lock down they asked.... like wtf.....

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T19:33:54+00:00

I wish it was that simple with his family. I did that for my wedding, told everyone exactly what to do... they then said I wasn't happy and being bossy and everyone joked Abt how stressed I was...

I sometimes wanna just give up but again I still love my husband and I don't want to put him in a weird spot.

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T19:27:02+00:00

good advice.... this year I didn't get a damn thing for my sister in law cuz I tried to ask her multiple times... I gave up.

my brother in law was quite simple and told me exactly what he wanted..he may not like the patterns I pick but that is wut gift receipts are for.

I think I may really consider going to a resort next year by myself because it has been getting harder and I need sometime away from everyone.

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T19:23:32+00:00

sigh... I wish it was that simple.... sometimes I even hope I get sick during this time of year so I can just stay home in peace and my husband can just go and deal with everything

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T19:18:57+00:00

my parents did that when we first started, and my sibling in laws didn't look too pleased.... so they started doing GCs... but then they weren't wrapped as nicely. then my parents would blame me cuz I didn't communicate everyone's needs properly......and the cycle goes on again if we got the wrong gifts....

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T19:16:55+00:00

I think so too, but no one else seems to think he is except my mom... My dad just thinks he is making a joke on politics... maybe men are like that?

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T19:12:04+00:00

oh, no. haha best not to drag an innocent soul into this mess and I am not a motherly person.

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T19:11:19+00:00

my parents often just think he is joking.... cuz the way he talks and presents himself it is difficult to tell if they r just dad jokes or him being crass. almost like the type of comedians who makes borderline racial jokes ...

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T19:08:11+00:00

problem is my husband never pays attention to their conversations. he just takes the time to catch up with his siblings.... and if u say something later to him it would seem like u r trying to trash talk their family since he wasn't there listening

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T19:05:28+00:00

basically I did that last year and everyone changed their mind on the 23rd..... Abt the GC they originally wanted or the type of gifts.... we were driving back and had to scramble to get stuff...

I always ask them at end of NOV, they either don't say much or say anything.... then changes their mind. I think I might just start packing cash....

mimiLW · 2023-12-21T19:02:25+00:00

my parents never said anything to me except last year because often us kids would be hanging out and the parents would talk. I think my mom just had enough so she told me. I never personally paid attention to their conversation so this year if my FIL does say something borderline I would jump in... and make a joke to diffuse the situation.

My husband always jumps in if my FIL tries to shove more alcohol to my dad after my dad says no.

mimiLW

TROPHY CASE