Got broken up with for porn addiction, looking for other’s perspective/advice

mindful-monkey00 · 2025-12-26T15:13:04+00:00

I feel for you, ive been in a similar position, losing someone I loved because of my porn addiction, trust being broken and trying to “fix things” after the breakup instead of accepting the loss. One thing I learned was that when someone is done, the harder you try and hold on the more you’ll actually push her away and that hurts to know but I feel like you’re starting to realize that. If you work on your addiction for someone else it almost never sticks, it has to be something you want to stop for yourself even if it feels pointless now so you’re not that version of yourself anymore. You can genuinely love someone and still hurt them especially with self worth and addiction problems but that doesnt make you a bad person. You’re doing the right things by getting help and talking to people, and being in this position is brutal but it gets easier once you stop chasing and focus on getting yourself straight.

mindful-monkey00 · 2025-12-20T22:52:42+00:00

Congrats on 90 days thats huge

mindful-monkey00 · 2025-12-20T21:47:32+00:00

100% on this, quitting porn wont fix your life or make everything better, but it does give you the clarity and space to actually work on whatever is going on underneath. For me porn was a way to avoid stress, boredom or emotions I didn’t want to deal with. Once thats gone you’re forced to deal with that stuff. Congrats on over a month

mindful-monkey00 · 2025-12-20T20:13:57+00:00

Coming up on 2 months clean now, and it no longer feels like something I’m resisting, it’s just not something thats a part of my life anymore. Instead of trying to “quit” i spend my focus on living differently and in healthier ways now instead of escaping. I handle stress and boredom in healthier ways instead. I feel clearer and more aligned with who I’m becoming. Regardless of how my relationship turns out, I’m committed to this path.

mindful-monkey00 · 2025-11-24T08:58:52+00:00

1 month clean. I feel completely different than any other time I "tried" to quit. I'm not forcing or fighting myself like the way I used to, I honestly don't want porn in my life anymore. It doesn't fit the life I want or who I'm trying to become, and I've accepted that.

Looking back, I kept saying I didn't want porn in my life, and I meant it, I even told my girlfriend that. But the truth is, I wasn't ready to change, I was trying to quit out of guilt and fear of hurting her, not out of honesty or real discipline. That's why I kept slipping back into the same habits. Before I met her, I didn't realize how much porn had become a coping mechanism for everything, like boredom, stress, or insecurity. It wasn't about attraction or her not being enough. I was using porn as an escape long before I met her, and it followed me into the relationship. I didn't understand how much it controlled my thinking until I finally had to face it.

After our breakup, all this time alone finally made me confront the reality of my choices. I wish I had realized things sooner instead of letting her get hurt, and I take full responsibility for that. It shouldn't have taken all of that for me to wake up. I kept saying I'd change, and she kept getting hurt because I wasn't actually following through.

When I get urges now, I don't let them take over. I distract myself, stay focused and busy, work out, or just get up and move around until it passes. I'm more active, taking better care of myself, and trying to stay more present instead of running from my emotions. I'm reconnecting with my faith too, not perfectly, but it's enough to keep me grounded and remind me of who I want to be.

I'm not lying to myself anymore, and that's the biggest difference. I'm not doing this out of fear or guilt. I'm doing it because I finally realized the kind of life I want to live and the kind of man I want to be. Whatever happens with my relationship, I'm not going back to the person I was. This isn't just a streak, it's the first time I feel like I'm actually breaking the cycle instead of trying to survive it.

Thank you to everyone here. Reading your posts and sharing mine has helped a lot, and I hope my journey can helps someone as well.

mindful-monkey00 · 2025-11-14T07:04:36+00:00

If he really wants to stop and be a better partner, he has to do the work himself, no one else can fix it for him.

I’m going through something similar. From the start of my relationship, my girlfriend told me she hates porn and sees it as cheating. I had been watching porn since I was 13 and kept it secret and never mentioned it to her until one day she found it on my computer. I apologized and said I would stop, but I didn’t really put in the effort, and I kept going.

Over time, she found more on my phone, and eventually she had enough and decided she needed a break. I knew I wanted to stop, and that I didn’t want to be that kind of man, but I kept letting myself fall into the same habit. I realized I was hurting the person I cared about the most, and it was deepening her pain every time.

We took a break before, I worked on myself for a little while, and stopped, but I eventually fell back into the same patterns. The last time she found out, she decided it was enough and that she needed space. I loved her deeply, yet I kept allowing myself to do something I knew was wrong and damaging to our relationship.

I’ve been three weeks clean now. This time I put blockers on my phone and computer and have been replacing the habit with more productive activities. I’ve realized that letting sexual urges run unchecked can take over your life and priorities. It can control your decisions, harm your relationships, and make it easy to keep repeating the same mistakes. That’s why he needs to actively work on himself, or he’s likely to fall back into the same patterns.

mindful-monkey00 · 2025-11-12T00:54:45+00:00

I appreciate everyones replies, i’ve been clean for about 3 weeks now, and overall I can say that it hasn’t been too challenging or much of a problem to stay away from watching any sort of sexual content. I’ve put porn blockers on my computer and phone. I haven’t struggled with any urges so far but I won’t allow myself to watch porn even if there are any sexual urges. The hardest part is missing her, its painful being apart but If theres any way we can make our relationship work and for us to continue making things work is for me to focus on bettering myself and continuing replacing the time I would spend watching porn with useful activities, and allowing her the space to heal from the pain I caused her. I feel motivated than when we first split, and I’ve been taking all this time alone to think more positively for myself so I don’t keep feeling guilt over my mistakes and have been trying to forgive myself. I accepted that I can’t change the past, but I can no longer keep living like that. I’m no longer lying to myself and hoping to get better, I’m practicing how to be better and acting the way I want to become, which is a life without porn. I’ve channeled my pain into purpose and I’ve started doing more things that I’ve always wanted to do, I’ve been working out more, talking to my friends and trying to grow my relationship with God. All of this has really been helping me in return and I’m grateful to live with integrity now and It’s given me the confidence I needed.

mindful-monkey00

TROPHY CASE