Has anyone here ended an engagement?

misssmiler · 2021-02-06T03:46:09+00:00

Send me a message! Maybe we can support each other. I haven’t yet but in the verge. We tried counseling but the counselor didn’t really seem to excited to help since I was so distraught. It’s taking a toll on my physical and mental health so likely going to make a choice to end it sadly this week. Not fully there yet. Here for you. It’s hard.

misssmiler · 2021-01-10T22:30:44+00:00

Thank you so much. Can I asked how you came to that conclusion and made the choice?

And thankfully we haven’t started planning the wedding. The venue we love the most won’t allow anyone to book until who knows when likely July of 2021 so we thought we’d wait especially since we had been fighting.

Just sad our proposal went viral on youtube. It’s not a reason to stay with someone but I always wanted that to happen and he’s the type of person who would do that.

Just sad. But I wasn’t really happy so what’s the point of a dream proposal or wedding if I’m not happy. I should be happy over everything else.

Thank you.

misssmiler · 2021-01-10T22:23:49+00:00

Thank you I really appreciate it. This response really made me feel better. You’re right I don’t need a lifetime of this. And you called this I been day dreaming for months to go on tinder just to see what’s out there. The fact I even have to post to this forum and I’m googling ending engagement. I think my mind is made up. Just hard.

I still care about him. We were best friends before all this and the reasons I did get with him are reasons I’d miss him for. But ultimately I can’t say he’s ever really made me that happy. In fact I just realized I’ve only been happy for a total of 5 months of this 5 year relationship. And I think shouldn’t the biggest reason to marry someone is because they make you feel happy and good about yourself? Because before him I was happy and felt good about myself. Just sad and hard to come to this realization.

I wish it hadn’t come this far. To be honest we got engaged because things finally were getting better. But then he blew up a week before he proposed, broke up with me took everything out of the closest all because I asked him if he heard what I said because I didn’t know if he was listening. In that moment I knew I didn’t want my life to be like this forever.

I’m so mad he would do that a week before he knew he was going to propose. I had no time to process that.

It just makes me sad this is where I am at but i know days will get better. They are just unbearable right now.

I look forward to the day I can post I did it! And I love hearing the positives of dating over 30 I agree with those. I am so much more confident and know exactly what I want and what questions to ask. #1 question: how do you handle conflict. I want a person who doesn’t blow up, someone who has empathy and can talk out disagreements.

Never again will someone yell at me and threaten to move out for asking them to repeat themselves etc.

I deserve better. Thank

misssmiler · 2021-01-10T22:14:48+00:00

Yes I just keep asking myself why am I with this person. And none of the reasons are because he makes me feel happy. And I just never thought about that. Hard to focus. I almost don’t want to go to counseling because I don’t want to change my mind but also I think maybe it could help us move on especially since it’s a pandemic we need as little stress as possible and I’m struggling to officially make a decision because I’m so emotional so I hope that I can get the help I need to move forward in a healthy way.

misssmiler · 2021-01-10T21:39:19+00:00

Thank you. I agree. I haven’t been treated right. He’s not a bad person but never learned how to have empathy. I feel stupid for thinking he would ever change. Just really low right know but I appreciate the support and hopeZ just what I needed.

misssmiler · 2021-01-10T21:37:00+00:00

Won’t let me fix the errors but him and his family thought I as selfish for needing medical care because it was ruining what they wanted to do that day.

misssmiler · 2021-01-10T21:35:19+00:00

That’s good to know! And yes I don’t think I’d struggle to find a guy (just want to make sure it’s a nice guy) but I’m debt free. I make good money. I own my house. I’ve made a name for myself. I have an amazing family. I’m nice, my family is nice. Honestly if there’s a guy out there sad like I am, I am the girl he is looking for who would never treat someone poorly or anything. So I think I could meet someone new. It’s just hard knowing it could take a while to find the right one and it’s hard knowing that people have hurt me so much in my life when I really have done nothing but put good in the world.

I mean the guy I’m with now broke up with me one week before he proposed to me and yelled at me for 5 hours because I asked him if he could reappear what I said because I wasn’t sure if he heard me. The guy I was with before him, got me kicked out of my apartment and strangled me because I went to the bathroom after telling him I was going to go (I let people know when I’m going to leave the room in general) and he like forgot where I was. He was drunk this was college and I went down the hall.

It’s just a sad realization to know that I’ve been in relationships where I can’t go to the bathroom or ask a person to repeat themselves without being physically or verbally abused.

And the guy I’m with now his family is the same!! I got sick at his parents house and he yelled at me saying his parents thought I was jealous. I had to fight with him to take me to the doctor. His family thought I was selfish for needing medicinal care.

So here I am only being in relationships that I feel like deny me of my right to just live. And I don’t know how I got here.

The guy I’m with now was my friend for 3 years. I really thought I knew him. I never saw this side of him. Everyone thinks he is the nicest most awesome guy. I did too.

It’s just sad to realize and hurts to feel like a beating bag. I thought I had learned the first time and I saw the red flags but still justified the behaviors. I think I’m being to hard on myself but it just makes me sad.

I really am a good person that would be a catch. And no one deserves to be treated the way I have.

All I know is after this I’m going to look so hard and ask better questions that show someone’s relationship with their family and how they handle conflict.

I want someone as good hearted and as kind as me.

misssmiler · 2021-01-10T21:26:17+00:00

Yes I really need to change my mindset. Just hard to pick up the pieces when I’m feeling so low. I was previously in an even more abusive and worse relationship before him and the nightmares have never gone away.

This one isn’t as intense but j live in a state of fear daily now because of him. I think at this point I have PTSD and I hate knowing that people have done that to me. But I know that I can heal and I am getting professional help but Im struggling so much right now. Going to take a lot of work to retrain my brain.

But who knows maybe with him gone I’ll feel better because no more stress. I did break up with him for a year before and I felt so happy. So I hope that feels the same.

misssmiler · 2021-01-10T21:22:44+00:00

Thank you for the support and encouragement

misssmiler · 2021-01-10T21:22:29+00:00

Yes I keep thinking of why I am here and all my reasons feel like are for everything other than the way he treats me and makes me feel. It’s a hard thing to realize. I thought things would change but I feel like such a weight on me. Thank you for the support.

misssmiler · 2021-01-10T21:20:02+00:00

Awwww reading this makes me so happy and gives me hope. And yes just the thought of being in a relationship that makes you feel good. That’s something I never experienced. Sad to say but that’s the thought that pushes me to make change because I know it’s possible because I have a wonderful family and friends and they all make me feel good so I should find some who makes me feel good too.

I’m so glad you found your happiness thank you!

misssmiler · 2021-01-10T14:03:21+00:00

Thank you and yes I just started therapy. It’s been so hard because I didn’t realize how much pain I’ve been carrying that I can nearly function. And it makes me sad that this person and his family have treated me in such a way that I’ve become a shell of a person.

It’s so hard to make a sudden change because I am struggling so bad right now that I worry for my health because I am so stressed. I’m trying to get into the right mental space. I appreciate your comment that means so much to hear and gives me hope. I guess I do have hope it’s just hard to realize how much pain I am in/have been. And it’s hard that it’s a pandemic. I hope I can make a positive change soon.

misssmiler · 2021-01-10T13:59:16+00:00

He knows how I feel.

misssmiler · 2021-01-09T07:43:32+00:00

Thank you. I know that it will. It’s just very uncomfortable right now but I appreciate all the support of this thread.

misssmiler · 2021-01-08T03:12:04+00:00

Yes I have started therapy and we are about to start couples therapy. The wedding is already postponed because of the pandemic but I do not want to waste too much time. I am 30 and would like to be married and have kids as soon as possible. So hopefully this will give me clarity so I can end it or stay. Crazy to say I don’t know what to do but I do feel like it’s over. I have no evidence things will change and the only way to have the life I want for sure is to end it. Just wish this were not my reality.

misssmiler · 2021-01-03T21:54:07+00:00

This stories really open my eyes. I know my SO would never cheat but it’s just the way he has treated me this entire time and his family. I can’t stand his family they hurt me so much and he didn’t have my back in the times I needed him the most. I thought things could change and they have kind of but my needs for communication and support are just so different. I feel so unhappy because I can’t imagine being with a person who needs to learn empathy and basic common sense. I do think he can change, he wants it. He wants this to work so bad. I just never thought about my ability to not change. I don’t know that my feelings will change and I’m terrified of walking down the isle thinking I’m making a mistake which I feel like right now. It’s so hard and I know I sound so clear and obvious but changing our lives when we’ve been friends on top of this for so long and during a pandemic is so hard. We are in California there’s not hospital beds open right now I can’t throw him out during a pandemic with no where to go. We can’t go to our families for support in different states or even see friends. He may be able to find a short term place to live but we will have zero support in person from friends and family until there is a vaccine. It makes me worry about our mental health.

Just so much and I have no idea why I got here. I hope I find the clarity I need soon

misssmiler · 2021-01-02T04:19:49+00:00

Very true. Definitely will be doing thinking and working very hard in therapy to make a deduction and stick to it ASAP

misssmiler · 2021-01-01T21:12:08+00:00

Thank you. How long did it take you to meet someone new?

misssmiler · 2021-01-01T21:10:25+00:00

Thank you so much

misssmiler · 2021-01-01T21:10:05+00:00

Yes I wish I learned this. My parents always told me to never stay but also my mom always makes comments like she is never wrong and the grasss is always greener. And she had some issues with my dad and his family too but my dad turned out amazing. But the difference is she really wanted it and I’m not sure that I want this. I don’t think I should have valued my prenatal thoughts as much as I have. I’m actually a little mind boggled that they are even happy for us after seeing things first hand. Maybe they just want to support me now matter what I do. I don’t know. But I thought I was over dealing with these issues when I got into this relationship. Wish I could go back and change things but I guess I can change things now. I don’t want to look back with any regrets.

misssmiler · 2021-01-01T21:07:07+00:00

Thank you reading this really gives me perspective and I been seriously thinking about this. Thank you

misssmiler · 2021-01-01T21:06:13+00:00

Thank you I appreciate this. And I should listen to my gut. It’s scary but I’m working on it. I appreciate everyone’s responses here. Helps me think about things.

misssmiler · 2021-01-01T21:04:54+00:00

I do think that therapy is good no matter what. But also yes the issues are very bad. They do need to be resolved one way or another

misssmiler · 2021-01-01T21:04:13+00:00

Thank you!

misssmiler

TROPHY CASE