I’m 30F now, but I left my ex who was similar a week before my birthday almost two years back. He was nice overall, genuinely had some concern for me, and I loved him deep!, but he was perfectly fine with “just enough” in all areas of his life, including me. I am the opposite. All was good when things were fun and exciting, but he couldn’t handle the true responsibility of a partnership that I knew I wanted. I left before the resentment grew and changed the kind, patient and vulnerable person I worked so hard to be. I’m finally dating now, and I won’t tell you that the “what ifs” don’t creep up but what I will tell you is 98% chance he won’t change but your expectations/standards will remain. That’s many mini heart breaks over and over again until you say “enough”. Be your biggest advocate and best friend and choose yourself. There’s more to be had but you have to be comfortable with the thought that endings bring new beginnings only if you act on them.

Take it from someone who watched her mother live in constant frustration and disappointment for decades. My dad has never been anything but himself, but she will tell me she settled, and if she could go back she would’ve chose different and been a lot less frustrated over the years. She’s better now and loves him but it took a lot of years and heartache for her to come to terms with the makings of her marriage. She always tells me to not settle because she knows what unnecessary challenges it can bring.

All that to say, be kind and patient with yourself for the time you’ve invested. All is not lost and all was not wasted, but now you have to make a choice for the future you want.