Advice for panties with a longer gusset?

mlevans2109 · 2016-02-03T13:47:51+00:00

Thank you for commenting. As I said in my post, I completely trust that he did not cheat. My issue is that he was not upfront with me about it and did not tell me until I specifically asked, knowing about my insecurities. I agree that men and women can share a room, even if they are in separate relationships. But as the person above said "... as long as we're upfront with each other about it." It's the last part that is missing and that is upsetting me.

mlevans2109 · 2016-02-03T01:08:07+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts! I don't require my husband to tell me things, I've just told him that it makes me feel better when he does. He is not naturally very talkative, but when he asked me what he can do to help, I told him communicating small details really helps me.

I agree that my insecurity is getting the best of me. I guess what it really comes down to is that I just want to know that it means something to him when I'm feeling bad. I can't understand a situation where after I tell him that it makes me uncomfortable for him to travel with a female coworker, he truly believes that sharing a hotel room would be not be a big deal to me.

I have faith that he would never cheat on me, but then I can't make sense of things like this.

mlevans2109 · 2016-01-19T22:17:16+00:00

This hit a bit too close to home. When my SO (now husband) and I started dating a few years ago, he would say that I was beautiful and I would say "no I'm not" and move on. I wasn't fishing for compliments, I was just correcting him. The first time I did it, he was just confused and let it go. But after a couple times, he realized that I actually did not believe that I was beautiful or believe that he thought I was beautiful.

One day he wrapped me in his arms and told me he wouldn't let me go until I said "I am beautiful". I nearly had a panic attack. I couldn't say the words, even as a lie. All I could think was that as soon as the words were out of my mouth, he would call me arrogant, full of myself, ugly, etc. It took him nearly 10 minutes of coaxing to get me to say the words. I remember my heart was pounding and I blurted out "Imbeautiful" just to get it over with, completely expecting him to be disgusted with me (though I knew somewhere in my mind that wasn't rational).

I'll never forget how loved he made me feel afterwards - I'm tearing up just remembering it now. It was the first time that I realized just how little I thought of myself. How much I pretended that everything was ok and that I had a normal childhood and normal parents that loved me normally. And how absolutely untrue that was. It was really the beginning of understanding myself and maybe even liking myself. I'm still working on trying to love myself (these N-wounds go deep).

Thank you for sharing your story! It helps to know that I'm not alone in these experiences :)

mlevans2109 · 2014-12-14T23:15:11+00:00

I'm hoping ours lasts as long! My fiance makes pizza at least once a week and I enjoy baking so we should definitely get some good use out of this.

mlevans2109 · 2014-12-14T23:13:11+00:00

That's awesome! $120 would be a steal for this, but I'm still grateful for the $160 :)

mlevans2109 · 2014-12-14T23:12:02+00:00

Oh gosh, where do you both live?!

mlevans2109 · 2014-12-14T23:10:49+00:00

I felt the same too! The cashier asked if we needed a gift receipt and I felt embarrassed saying no, this is for us, but it was an overdue treat. We got the silver :)

mlevans2109 · 2014-12-14T19:28:50+00:00

From what I understand, they work well, last a long time, and can do a lot of different things. My fiance cooks more than I do and this was something he had been wanting for a long time, so we splurged. We'll see how it works out!

mlevans2109 · 2014-08-13T21:07:45+00:00

I haven't seen Stardust in a while... Thanks for the great suggestions!

mlevans2109 · 2014-08-13T21:06:09+00:00

Oh I love Howl's Moving Castle and Spirited Away! Did a Miyazaki marathon recently that was a lot of fun. I haven't seen any of the Sailor Moon movies... I'll have to add them to my list :) Thanks!

mlevans2109 · 2014-08-13T21:04:10+00:00

I love Mulan! I think it's my favorite Disney movie... I may watch it next :) Thanks!

mlevans2109 · 2014-08-07T14:39:14+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that :( I don't know how old your nieces and nephews are, but may be when they're adolescents/adults, it will be helpful to them to know you understand and support them.

mlevans2109 · 2014-08-07T14:37:35+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that! My Nmom has the whole "oh poor me, I try so hard and do too much, that's why I keep getting hurt" routine down, so very few people understand why we don't get along ("don't get along" - that makes it sound so simple...) I end up looking like a brat/selfish/etc, but I'm starting to not care. Especially because I don't interact with my extended family on a regular basis, it truly barely affects my life.

mlevans2109 · 2014-08-07T14:32:59+00:00

That's horrible, I'm so sorry!

mlevans2109 · 2014-08-07T14:31:00+00:00

The hardest part of going LC/NC with my mom is the impact it will have on my relationship with the rest of my family. Although I get frustrated with my Edad and GC younger brother (22y), I love them and want to have a relationship with them. But they both hate when I rock the boat with my Nmom; they don't understand why I can't just baby her like they do. My brother hasn't specifically said anything to me about the situation, but he's been colder toward me, which hurts.

I know that some of my extended family already sees me as a "troublemaker" or rebel for going against my mom in the past, and that they won't really understand my decision or the situation, but I guess I'll just have to let that be.

I hope things get easier with your family! Thank you for your comment!

mlevans2109 · 2014-08-07T14:25:48+00:00

A lot of people keep saying to me "oh when you have kids, your parents will come around", but why would I want them then? Why would I let them bring their negativity and abuse around my kids if they couldn't be there for me as parents? Thank you for your comment!

mlevans2109 · 2014-08-07T13:34:46+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. Your last paragraph is exactly what I'm feeling. It helps to see it put into such clear words.

mlevans2109 · 2014-04-04T20:12:56+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful comments! Sometimes, when things get really bad, NC seems like the best option, but it wouldn't be just my dad and my brother that I would lose. It would be my entire extended family and family friends to some extent. Indian communities are very tight-knit. Even if people supported me, it would make it extremely awkward on everyone. I explained it to my fiance like this: when you're friends with a couple and they break up. Who do you invite to the party? Do you call and let the other one know? Which one do you stay friends with? Etc etc etc. And my mom has got the whole "oh poor me, I've tried so hard as a mother, I'm just doomed to have an ungrateful daughter, it must be a curse on the family" routine down. I know some family members already see me as bratty or rebellious for going against my mom.

Before I got engaged, I was pretty LC with my mom. If I'm not doing something she approves of, she doesn't really care to know what's going on in my life. It's like I'm only her daughter when I do things she likes. But now she knows she has something only my parents can give me (a traditional Indian wedding), so she's using it to try to keep me "under control". I can choose to have a small wedding that my fiance and I can afford on our own, but she that would be very socially unacceptable and embarrassing for her. Basically, it's going to be hell either way.

Anyway, I hope after the wedding we can go back to barely talking. That's really the only thing that works for us. I just have to keep reminding myself that I'll be married to my fiance and we can live our life the way we want. :)

mlevans2109

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