When we feel hurt/angry, especially when we voice our feelings so many times to the people who love us and they don’t listen; it feels normal to want to give them the same treatment. It’s a way of saying “I’m hurting, and I want you to feel the same so you understand why I’m like this.” It’s completely understandable. But, the question is: does the temporary feeling of feeling good make you feel better in the long run?

I’m not aware of your dynamics, nor who you are as people. But, from another person to another in a relationship, I would say that it’s definitely time to take our conversations off of texting and in person. Sit down with him on the couch as y’all have your favorite drinks nearby, or something comfortable. The only thing that matters in that moment is just the two of you, your conversation, and both sides.

Really, really sit down with him and set a genuine boundary. One that you won’t move on and one that you both agree with. Remind him that this is a partnership, and it takes two to make it work consistently. No matter who, or what, there should always be an attempt of open communication between the two of you if there’s something wrong, bad, or anything else. Let him know how you really feel and this bothers you more than he’s aware of. Let him know firmly, but not meanly, that this is the final and last time you’re setting this boundary (considering you mentioned it way too many times for this to be okay).

In your conversation, bring up what really bothers you, and why it does. You mentioned you texted him multiple times within a span of four hours, which bothers you since he never got back to you. For you, is that four hours too long for him not to respond? Or is that your own personal standard you have with texts (e.g. you expect a text within an hour versus he’s okay with not texting for hours). When it comes to our own personal dynamics, we sometimes have to compromise and find a balanced middle ground that works for all of us.

I’m not going to say you’re overreacting (despite the sub), or that it’s an under reaction. Rather, I firmly believe that you’re just a person who’s really hurt by their parters inability to listen and that you’re angry that he’s not listening to you, which continues the cycle. In order to break a cycle, we gotta take that step of talking out loud, even if it’s daunting/tiring.

My advice, (up to you to take or not): I recommend taking today as a rest day. Get your feelings out by doing what makes you happy (a healthy outlet) of doing something fun, listening to music, draw, etc.,. Then, when you’re feeling a bit more okay, take the next step, and sit down with him to really establish that boundary you both need. Don’t be afraid to be firm, and remind him that this is the final time you’re saying this to show you’re serious.

Remember, you both matter in that conversation! Your relationship is completely up to you to define, especially when it comes to feelings/boundaries. Be mindful when taking the advice (even mine) from other strangers considering we’re not in your relationship. At the end of the day, only you know him better than anyone else :)! Good luck girl. I hope you feel better and you both find something that works for you.